Well, despite lots of good feelings, my temperature dropped (needs to stay high for pregnancy, drops when you get your period) and my period started. At least it was a clear "no" as my body tends to start periods oddly, which could lead me to belive that it is just implantation spotting. Now I can fly to see my family in the states today knowing the answer and knowing that we did what we could- it was a good, natural try.
Depending on how you look at it, it was our third total try, or our first try after finding out that my thyroid problems probably started up right before our first try without us knowing (the test a month before was fine). Either way, 6 tries is the average, and the more tries we do, the closer we get to a try that works. We have decided to do the next tries naturally as well, so that I can read my body better. I think I owe it to my reproductive system to let it do its thing all on its own, a sign of respect and trust if you will. We are so lucky that we can afford to give my body this chance and not get intimidated by the doctors and their insistance that we use fertility drugs, since multiples aren't really what we are trying for here!
So, I will get on a plane with mixed emotions today, but knowing how lucky we are to be doing this in the first place. It will be easier to have a drink with family than having to come up with excuses about why I cannot drink. On that note, since Christmas in Germany (and in the US, for that matter), is not a "dry" matter, we have decided that it would be less stress to have our next try in Jan. rather than rushing to the gyno right after I get back and seeing if we can get an appointment. This way, the holidays will just have their normal stress, which is quite enough, really.
Happy Thanksgiving, all! I know I have so much to be thankful for, especially my family (which will hopefully be bigger soon), and my dear Broom.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Only a little more waiting
...and we will know if it worked!
I have done a good job of being distracted, especially since work has been really busy.
The only thing that has been foiling my plans are the "signs" that I have been having (since we will only know later if they are actually signs or not).
They include: tender breasts (and one evening nipples of fire, OMFG, that woke me up), pulling in my uterus- every single day, mood swings, exhaustion, and peeing lots and lots among other things that are also PMS signs. So, I am trying to take it all with agrain block of salt. Additionally, I had a temperature drop and spike, which has stayed up today, and we will see what tomorrow brings.
Other than trying not to lose my mind- which I think Broom would confirm has been hit or miss depending on my current mood swing, I have been having a good week. Glad to be busy, but I will also be glad to know soon. We will test on Wednesday at the latest, maybe Tuesday if I can't stand it anymore and my temperature is still up.
Other than all of the waiting, work has at least provided me with some comic relief in the form of an employee from a personnel search company who kept on going on and on about someone he had that was perfect for HR. Even after we told him that we don't have a vacancy and don't know anyone who does, (Hello? Even if my sweater shows my belly a bit, don't assume anything here, it just makes you look like an ass because I was bloated during the meeting, mkay? And just because someone has a belly in Germany does not automatically mean that they are pregnant!), he sent us her profile summary. If that were not enough, he sent us the link to the website that he has for his bird breeding- which he spoke about in detail while there to talk about the company that he works for. He asked us to evaluate his website. Very professional!
Keep those fingers crossed and those thumbs pressed!
I have done a good job of being distracted, especially since work has been really busy.
The only thing that has been foiling my plans are the "signs" that I have been having (since we will only know later if they are actually signs or not).
They include: tender breasts (and one evening nipples of fire, OMFG, that woke me up), pulling in my uterus- every single day, mood swings, exhaustion, and peeing lots and lots among other things that are also PMS signs. So, I am trying to take it all with a
Other than trying not to lose my mind- which I think Broom would confirm has been hit or miss depending on my current mood swing, I have been having a good week. Glad to be busy, but I will also be glad to know soon. We will test on Wednesday at the latest, maybe Tuesday if I can't stand it anymore and my temperature is still up.
Other than all of the waiting, work has at least provided me with some comic relief in the form of an employee from a personnel search company who kept on going on and on about someone he had that was perfect for HR. Even after we told him that we don't have a vacancy and don't know anyone who does, (Hello? Even if my sweater shows my belly a bit, don't assume anything here, it just makes you look like an ass because I was bloated during the meeting, mkay? And just because someone has a belly in Germany does not automatically mean that they are pregnant!), he sent us her profile summary. If that were not enough, he sent us the link to the website that he has for his bird breeding- which he spoke about in detail while there to talk about the company that he works for. He asked us to evaluate his website. Very professional!
Keep those fingers crossed and those thumbs pressed!
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Either our timing was really good...
...or really bad! Regardless, we will know in about two weeks. We will see if I am patient enough to actually wait until the 23rd to take a test, or if I take one before I fly back to the states for Thanksgiving on the 21st. If we wait, I will have to take the test on Skype with Broom, which would certainly be very cute.
So, yesterday we woke up and went and picked up my sick note from the local gyno before I drove Broom to an interview and waited for her to get done. The interview went well and we were able to start our approx. 2 hour drive (unfortunately right past the exit where I work, so NO stress there, haha) to the clinic for our appointment at 13:30. We got there an hour and half early and took a half an hour power nap in the car, wrapped up in blankets I have there for emergencies. We were both completely out cold! We walked into the clinic the required 30 minutes early and had to wait until about 14:00 to actually get into the treatment room. I had been having ovulation pain all morning, so I was surprised that my egg was still there, but it was! (The ultrasound for that costs €30 more than at my gyno, which was unfortunately not a surprise.)
Our Dr. (the first insem we have actually had him for, the other times it was someone else) said it was no problem for Broom to push the plunger and that his appointment calendar was such that we could also stay in the room with me tilted back for 15 minutes. We lied when they asked if we did the shot, and then he told me to do two more to assist implantation, but neglected to ask if we needed a prescription, so we didn't tell him we only have one shot at home, which we aren't going to use. So, completely natural this cycle!
Now, I am sitting here drinking my after-ovulation tea, trying not to read too much into my temp this morning, as I think my thermometer is broken. My temp had dropped, according to my first reading, but after seeing that, I put 2 thermometers in my mouth at the same time and got really different readings (don't you have a thermometer collection, too?). Anywho, I can't change anything now if I wanted to, and I still feel good about this month. I am curious to see if I can resist taking an OPK test today, but I didn't take one yesterday and my first positive was on Thursday at 14:30, which would have been perfect.
Now, on to the waiting!
So, yesterday we woke up and went and picked up my sick note from the local gyno before I drove Broom to an interview and waited for her to get done. The interview went well and we were able to start our approx. 2 hour drive (unfortunately right past the exit where I work, so NO stress there, haha) to the clinic for our appointment at 13:30. We got there an hour and half early and took a half an hour power nap in the car, wrapped up in blankets I have there for emergencies. We were both completely out cold! We walked into the clinic the required 30 minutes early and had to wait until about 14:00 to actually get into the treatment room. I had been having ovulation pain all morning, so I was surprised that my egg was still there, but it was! (The ultrasound for that costs €30 more than at my gyno, which was unfortunately not a surprise.)
Our Dr. (the first insem we have actually had him for, the other times it was someone else) said it was no problem for Broom to push the plunger and that his appointment calendar was such that we could also stay in the room with me tilted back for 15 minutes. We lied when they asked if we did the shot, and then he told me to do two more to assist implantation, but neglected to ask if we needed a prescription, so we didn't tell him we only have one shot at home, which we aren't going to use. So, completely natural this cycle!
Now, I am sitting here drinking my after-ovulation tea, trying not to read too much into my temp this morning, as I think my thermometer is broken. My temp had dropped, according to my first reading, but after seeing that, I put 2 thermometers in my mouth at the same time and got really different readings (don't you have a thermometer collection, too?). Anywho, I can't change anything now if I wanted to, and I still feel good about this month. I am curious to see if I can resist taking an OPK test today, but I didn't take one yesterday and my first positive was on Thursday at 14:30, which would have been perfect.
Now, on to the waiting!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The art of taking ovulation tests at work
I have become an expert this week! Yay me!
With my cheap tests that I bought online (which have worked no problem), I have peed in plastic cups in the bathroom at work where I thought I would not be disturbed. Then, I placed the test in the liquid before carefully putting the test back on its packaging either on the TP dispenser or the floor. Afterwards, I emptied the cup and threw it away before putting the test it put back in its packaging and either putting it carefully in my pocket or carefully under my bra strap.
Option two, which I have never tried (to not look like the weirdo who doesn't go to the bathroom without a plastic cup in hand) is cupping your hand and peeing in that before following the other steps (tip: use your dry hand to put the test down and get TP to dry off your wet hand). Don't ask me how I know, but at least my commitment cannot be called into question!
So, my constant OPK testing has paid off! After a bunch of light lines, I finally got a nice bright positive this afternoon. Alll without any meds!
This morning, my gyno said that I had "textbook" cervical mucous (this is the same doctor who told me I look like I had lost a bunch of weight since my breasts are so big, so she is great with awkward compliments) and measured a follicle on my right side with 20mm and a cushy endometrium! After the great news, I called the clinic who waited 3 hours to call back and give me an appointment. They told me to use an hCG shot right away and come in tomorrow morning. Ah, no thank you, I'm at work and obviously my body is doing it's own thing without any chemicals. Since the shot usually triggers ovulation 36 hours after injection, it would be a waste anyway, and all signs point to ovulation tomorrow- so no way, José. I told the nurse (since the Dr. has only once called me himself), who seemed flabbergasted- but then again, it is my body. So there. Hopefully the Dr. won't be upset, but he can deal with it.
Keep your fingers crossed tomorrow! I feel a little bad missing important meetings at work, but getting pregnant is more important than that to me (and my local gyno offered to give me a sick note so that mine isn't from the clinic, which is in another city and might raise some questions- really sweet of her).
With my cheap tests that I bought online (which have worked no problem), I have peed in plastic cups in the bathroom at work where I thought I would not be disturbed. Then, I placed the test in the liquid before carefully putting the test back on its packaging either on the TP dispenser or the floor. Afterwards, I emptied the cup and threw it away before putting the test it put back in its packaging and either putting it carefully in my pocket or carefully under my bra strap.
Option two, which I have never tried (to not look like the weirdo who doesn't go to the bathroom without a plastic cup in hand) is cupping your hand and peeing in that before following the other steps (tip: use your dry hand to put the test down and get TP to dry off your wet hand). Don't ask me how I know, but at least my commitment cannot be called into question!
So, my constant OPK testing has paid off! After a bunch of light lines, I finally got a nice bright positive this afternoon. Alll without any meds!
This morning, my gyno said that I had "textbook" cervical mucous (this is the same doctor who told me I look like I had lost a bunch of weight since my breasts are so big, so she is great with awkward compliments) and measured a follicle on my right side with 20mm and a cushy endometrium! After the great news, I called the clinic who waited 3 hours to call back and give me an appointment. They told me to use an hCG shot right away and come in tomorrow morning. Ah, no thank you, I'm at work and obviously my body is doing it's own thing without any chemicals. Since the shot usually triggers ovulation 36 hours after injection, it would be a waste anyway, and all signs point to ovulation tomorrow- so no way, José. I told the nurse (since the Dr. has only once called me himself), who seemed flabbergasted- but then again, it is my body. So there. Hopefully the Dr. won't be upset, but he can deal with it.
Keep your fingers crossed tomorrow! I feel a little bad missing important meetings at work, but getting pregnant is more important than that to me (and my local gyno offered to give me a sick note so that mine isn't from the clinic, which is in another city and might raise some questions- really sweet of her).
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Oh, please treat me (like a second-class citizen)
I started off the week with a good feeling about this cycle, even
though the government here decided against giving same-sex civil unions
the same tax benefits. For us, this makes a big difference. I am lucky
enough to have a good paying job, so that all we have to do in a month
where we are trying is spend a little less, or I offset something for a
month to my credit card and pay it off the next month. Once (I am still
hopeful) we get these rights, I would pay considerably less in
taxes...so now we have to figure out how we want to submit our tax
return from last year. Grrr.
This good feeling continued with my follicle ultrasound on Friday, which reported 3 follicles, 1 of which was 12mm (which is just fine for day 9, and that rhymes). I called the clinic, and they were in a hurry, talked to the dr. and then told me to get another ultrasound on Monday, and blood tests, and byebye (no time for questions!). Luckily enough, the local dr. squeezed me in (hey, I am paying out of pocket = truly shorter waiting times at the gyno), and then proceeded to let me know that 2 out of 3 of the blood results clinic dr. wanted (E2/Estradiol, LH, and progesterone) don't really make sense to get now, since I am in the middle of my cycle.
After that fun, the ultrasound showed that the biggest follicle that was on my left ovary on Friday was gone, and I either ovulated already, or won't ovulate this cycle, "which happens even at your age". I was completely confused, since it was only day 12 and I usually ovulate on day 14-16, so it was way too early, and all of my statistics with my basal temp (which NO ONE ever asks to see, but I refuse to ignore) didn't jive with an ovulation that early. But, I forgot to ask if maybe your temp doesn't jump when you don't ovulate...and, the gyno didn't seem to care that I had been using LH strips since Sat. and had only had a very faint, not yet positive line. GAH.
So, I am going to *gasp* trust my body, and assume that I have yet to ovulate and keep artfully taking OPKs at work (which really is a science, as I don't want my boss to know). We will see what comes first- a +OPK today, or a good ultrasound tomorrow telling me that I have, indeed, yet to ovulate.
On a lovely side note- thank the stars that Obama won again! Maybe, one day, we will have the option of living in the US, if we choose to do so. I read it and cried!
This good feeling continued with my follicle ultrasound on Friday, which reported 3 follicles, 1 of which was 12mm (which is just fine for day 9, and that rhymes). I called the clinic, and they were in a hurry, talked to the dr. and then told me to get another ultrasound on Monday, and blood tests, and byebye (no time for questions!). Luckily enough, the local dr. squeezed me in (hey, I am paying out of pocket = truly shorter waiting times at the gyno), and then proceeded to let me know that 2 out of 3 of the blood results clinic dr. wanted (E2/Estradiol, LH, and progesterone) don't really make sense to get now, since I am in the middle of my cycle.
After that fun, the ultrasound showed that the biggest follicle that was on my left ovary on Friday was gone, and I either ovulated already, or won't ovulate this cycle, "which happens even at your age". I was completely confused, since it was only day 12 and I usually ovulate on day 14-16, so it was way too early, and all of my statistics with my basal temp (which NO ONE ever asks to see, but I refuse to ignore) didn't jive with an ovulation that early. But, I forgot to ask if maybe your temp doesn't jump when you don't ovulate...and, the gyno didn't seem to care that I had been using LH strips since Sat. and had only had a very faint, not yet positive line. GAH.
So, I am going to *gasp* trust my body, and assume that I have yet to ovulate and keep artfully taking OPKs at work (which really is a science, as I don't want my boss to know). We will see what comes first- a +OPK today, or a good ultrasound tomorrow telling me that I have, indeed, yet to ovulate.
On a lovely side note- thank the stars that Obama won again! Maybe, one day, we will have the option of living in the US, if we choose to do so. I read it and cried!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I know I shouldn't feel guilty about all the "shoulds"...
...but of course, I do! Some might attribute this to my religious
upbringing (13 years of Catholic schooling, check!), but I think a part
of it can be attributed to culture, and of course, some of it is just
plain old me.
A (random) list of "shoulds" running around in my head right now:
- shorten curtains in the kids room
- staple back of cupboard back on
- meditate to be calmer for the insem next week
- stop guessing when the insem might be, (since the doctor hasn't set a date yet), so as to think about how bad me missing a day at work might be and if my boss notices that the doctor's note is from really far away...
- start learning Spanish again
- clean out papers and organize kids room
- do taxes, since the German lawmakers decided not to give Broom and I tax rights even though this was declared unconstitutional (WTF?)
- finish my book
All of this, floating around my head even though I used this random, middle of the week holiday to help a friend move, start a new loaf of bread, make dinner, and am going to the gym later. I have been progressively working on getting rid of those feelings of needing to be productive, and Broom has been a big help in helping me get leveled here. In fact, it seems as if she has slowed me down a bit in this respect and I have sped her up, which is working out great, but is indeed a long process. Hopefully I am right in thinking that everyone feels this way at least some of the time, although often I wonder "how do they make it all look so easy?"
Speaking of helping my friend move- should I feel guilty about having stumbled across her dildo/vibrator? They were not very organized, and somehow I was packing her top drawers, and there it was in all of its red glory. I just wrapped the undershirts around it so that maybe she would think that I didn't see it and packed it away and labeled the box with her name (so hopefully she will be the one who opens it and not her kids). A moving company really would have been a good investment for them, but I am NOT lifting weights at the gym tonight.
On that note, I am off to do the curtains!
A (random) list of "shoulds" running around in my head right now:
- shorten curtains in the kids room
- staple back of cupboard back on
- meditate to be calmer for the insem next week
- stop guessing when the insem might be, (since the doctor hasn't set a date yet), so as to think about how bad me missing a day at work might be and if my boss notices that the doctor's note is from really far away...
- start learning Spanish again
- clean out papers and organize kids room
- do taxes, since the German lawmakers decided not to give Broom and I tax rights even though this was declared unconstitutional (WTF?)
- finish my book
All of this, floating around my head even though I used this random, middle of the week holiday to help a friend move, start a new loaf of bread, make dinner, and am going to the gym later. I have been progressively working on getting rid of those feelings of needing to be productive, and Broom has been a big help in helping me get leveled here. In fact, it seems as if she has slowed me down a bit in this respect and I have sped her up, which is working out great, but is indeed a long process. Hopefully I am right in thinking that everyone feels this way at least some of the time, although often I wonder "how do they make it all look so easy?"
Speaking of helping my friend move- should I feel guilty about having stumbled across her dildo/vibrator? They were not very organized, and somehow I was packing her top drawers, and there it was in all of its red glory. I just wrapped the undershirts around it so that maybe she would think that I didn't see it and packed it away and labeled the box with her name (so hopefully she will be the one who opens it and not her kids). A moving company really would have been a good investment for them, but I am NOT lifting weights at the gym tonight.
On that note, I am off to do the curtains!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Start your engines
Ironic, isn't it?
First, I post about having free time, then I kind of briefly, forget that I have a blog.
Happens to the best of us, amirite?
Anywho, since I tempted the universe with that post, my workload blew up in my face, leading to the new feeling that 10 hour days were "short". I am, however, still eternally grateful that my boss is the bee's knees & at least half of all of our employee issues are her responsibility & I get to play a supporting role. (Oh, how I would love to be able to blog about each of them in detail!) Let's just sum all of them up with "What do you mean I can't send a completely disrespectful and unprofessional email to HR and not expect consequences?!?" Um...no.
Other than work, I am glad to say that Broom's stress has also gotten less, which means that things are altogether running more smoothly.
It was the perfect setup to go on a 1.5 week vaycay to Dublin. The city is so highly idealized where I come from that I had really high expectations. It wasn't as "old" looking as I had expected, but it was great fun and visiting the neighboring coastal cities was amazing. Also, some of the nicest locals I have ever met! They go out of their way to make sure you get help, even taking time out of their own busy commute. Catching up with my rents and relaxing was just what I needed.
Luckily, I was able to come back to the news that I am healthy again!
Told the Dr. via email right away, so we should be able to try again in about 3 weeks.
It feels good to know we can start working towards this goal of ours again.
First, I post about having free time, then I kind of briefly, forget that I have a blog.
Happens to the best of us, amirite?
Anywho, since I tempted the universe with that post, my workload blew up in my face, leading to the new feeling that 10 hour days were "short". I am, however, still eternally grateful that my boss is the bee's knees & at least half of all of our employee issues are her responsibility & I get to play a supporting role. (Oh, how I would love to be able to blog about each of them in detail!) Let's just sum all of them up with "What do you mean I can't send a completely disrespectful and unprofessional email to HR and not expect consequences?!?" Um...no.
Other than work, I am glad to say that Broom's stress has also gotten less, which means that things are altogether running more smoothly.
It was the perfect setup to go on a 1.5 week vaycay to Dublin. The city is so highly idealized where I come from that I had really high expectations. It wasn't as "old" looking as I had expected, but it was great fun and visiting the neighboring coastal cities was amazing. Also, some of the nicest locals I have ever met! They go out of their way to make sure you get help, even taking time out of their own busy commute. Catching up with my rents and relaxing was just what I needed.
Luckily, I was able to come back to the news that I am healthy again!
Told the Dr. via email right away, so we should be able to try again in about 3 weeks.
It feels good to know we can start working towards this goal of ours again.
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