Sunday, October 30, 2011

Lady of the Flies

Originally this post was to be titled lordess* of the flies....
*I could have sworn lordess would have been a word, but no luck!

There is a problem in my office.

Namely, the damn flies.

And, maybe a problem with me as well since when I get frustrated with work or the buzzing of the flies that have yet to "elbow" (Do flies even have elbows? I guess have enough on display, I could investigate.) their way into a free spot on the sticky paper that I go around my office with my frog-shaped fly swatter and said square of sticky paper to try and swat them and then catch them with the paper. Because a bunch of dead flies on the carpet makes it look polka dotted. Which it is not. Ew.

We know a lot about polka dotted looking carpets since the guy in the office next to mine has poison. Great stuff, really. These buzzing creatures who seem to mock my thinking just fall over dead. Like, well, flies.

The poison causes the flies to act really oddly, kind of like they are break dancing and spinning on their backs (although he swears it is all natural).

And since there is obviously something wrong with me, I took a video.

The real downside of all this damn buzzing is when 5 or more flies get stuck on the paper on one day that they will periodically all attempt to get off of the paper at the same time- giving the creepy impression that the whole damn piece of cardboard will fly away. I would put them out of their misery by squashing them with something, but then it would remain stuck in the sticky paper.

If only I could stop them from getting into my office in the first place- but alas, they come from the ceiling.

Did I mention that I am glad that it is a 3-day weekend?!?


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

How I got in to reading blogs

Once upon a time, I got laid off with a year’s notice.

Seems impossible, but alas, sometimes I end up proving crap like that wrong.

Although such a long notice period is uncommon in Germany, they decided to make an exception with me as my job had become redundant after a merger.

To make this motivating situation even better was the fact that my boss wanted to fire me again to get rid of me more quickly- something that was luckily not possible due to German labor laws. The rest is, of course, speculation- but let’s leave it to say that between my lack of challenging tasks and increased motivation at these blooming prospects- I spent a lot of time applying for jobs (I would open my Excel table to tell you exactly how many I applied for- but I am not in the mood to get depressed right now.)  and surfing the internet.

A LOT of time I spent with the internets- but let’s not crunch numbers, I really don’t want to know. 

I filled in the gaps with an array of other activities that were NEVER completed at work (because who does that and then switches to HR, I mean REALLY?). Let’s just say this letter I once composed is of things I did on the train, m’kay?