There are a whole hell of a lot of things that I have learned since becoming a mother.
One of those things is that I am glad that I did not have expectations about what my child would be like. This turned out to be a good thing since I never would have guessed that my child would have Epilepsy.
Although I am almost always able to put things in perspective and appreciate the fact that Shrimpy's Epilepsy isn't severe, is well managed, and hasn't caused any delays as far as we can tell, sometimes I don't want to be reasonable about it.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have been typical first-time parents- freaking out about little things and having sleep as the biggest worry. I also dream about what it would have been like to have had two weeks off with Broom and Shrimpy, getting to know one another and letting my body recover from birth.
Instead I was on my feet within the hospital and lost a lot of blood, healed badly, had edema on my feet and hands, a bout with depression, PTSD and nightmares. Instead, I kept my baby within eyesight for longer than I care to admit- first in person, then with a video baby monitor. My biggest worry was that I would miss a seizure, she wouldn't breathe, and she would get brain damage or die. I had a lot of anxiety about all of those things.
Those are hard words to write. But I learned to "feel" her moods and try and just let the risk be. Will it be there for a long, long time. Will it ever go away? I really don't know.
But I also know that there are mothers out there who would be happy to "just" have those worries.
I know I am lucky, and I know that I am strong, as is Shrimpy.
Somehow, through all of that, we managed to breastfeed for 13 months.
Somehow, we managed to not let Epilepsy rule our life.
Do I wonder what life would be like without a bed monitor and video monitor for my Shrimpy? Do I wonder if the medicine made her personality different? Sure.
Luckily, most of the time, I don't wonder if we are doing the right thing because it just feels right.
These things make our family feel good:
- We speak openly about her Epilepsy so that she knows there is nothing to be ashamed of-we are even working on her learning on how to give herself her medicine
- We don't ask for her to be treated differently- but we do avoid her triggers (so, sleep is holy and disco balls are not our friends)
- We don't watch TV with her- screen time is limited to an occasional Sesame Street song on a cell phone
- We keep to a schedule that we try not to make too busy and think twice about when we decide to act outside of it
So, on today, like every other day, I will let myself mourn the life I didn't have while concentrating on the awesome life I do have- with an amazing wife and wonderful child who never ceases to amaze me.
Shrimpy may be special needs in her own way- but I have come to the conclusion that each child has their own special needs and each life has its "normal".
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, October 16, 2015
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Oh, hey.
So...um...awkward silence?
I would apologize for writing, but the truth is, I am not sorry. Turns out I needed the time to come more fully into my role as a mother and enjoy our little family oasis before starting work again in February 2015.
Now, I feel like I can write again- but where to start?
With the little one, of course!
Luckily, we are all doing well. Shrimpy still has her undefined form of Epilepsy but had her last petit mal in October of 2014 and her last grand mal in April of 2014. She has myoclonic seizures at times, but they haven't influenced her in any way other than being a pain since she gets them in that in-between falling asleep phase (imagine a whole body jerk- like those that everyone has at some times, but with 50 in 30 minutes- that is how we knew they were epileptic). She doesn't seem to have any other type, and we have her down to 2 medications and want to see if we can get her to 1 medication this year if possible.
Her development is right on track if not a little ahead, which we are over the moon about. Her head circumference is a little on the small side, but it isn't noticeable. There could be a connection between that and her Epilepsy, but it is hard to tell. She has been walking since the end of February, which is also when she self-weaned (probably because I started work at the beginning of February and my daughter doesn't like to expend too much energy if she doesn't have to). Her vocabulary has been growing in leaps and bounds in both languages and she has been to the US twice now. She is sweet and funny and stubborn and curious and I love her so. We got our first choice for her daycare and she runs in without saying goodbye. It is awesome and pulls on the heartstrings a little too. She runs towards us giggling when we pick her up though, which totally rocks.
What else?
Broom and I are great. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is in September, which is just crazy. Life gets hectic every once and awhile and we have to remember to take time for one another- but I think many couples have that. We moved in April due to mold in our old apartment and our new one is definitely much bigger and nicer- two floors and lots of space for when we decide to end Shrimpy's status as an only child. That project should be starting soon- and the plan is for Broom to carry! We found a naturally-oriented gyno who I really like, and I hope she feels the same way. The gyno has agreed to help us all that she can in our future child making endeavors.
Going back to work has been anti-climactic. My job was adjusted for the woman who replaced me and since she was less qualified than me, a lot of tasks are gone and I am quite honestly, bored (I am aware that that sounds like I am putting myself on a pedestal, but it is very much a different job). I am working on getting them back and also applying when new jobs come up. We will see where it takes me. All in all, the transition has been ok though. Do I wish that my job was stimulating and fulfilling so that I didn't feel like the cells in my body are turning into the same material as my outdated desk? Sure. But I know I am damn lucky to have a job, and it makes a lot of things possible for us which I am grateful for.
I would apologize for writing, but the truth is, I am not sorry. Turns out I needed the time to come more fully into my role as a mother and enjoy our little family oasis before starting work again in February 2015.
Now, I feel like I can write again- but where to start?
With the little one, of course!
Luckily, we are all doing well. Shrimpy still has her undefined form of Epilepsy but had her last petit mal in October of 2014 and her last grand mal in April of 2014. She has myoclonic seizures at times, but they haven't influenced her in any way other than being a pain since she gets them in that in-between falling asleep phase (imagine a whole body jerk- like those that everyone has at some times, but with 50 in 30 minutes- that is how we knew they were epileptic). She doesn't seem to have any other type, and we have her down to 2 medications and want to see if we can get her to 1 medication this year if possible.
Her development is right on track if not a little ahead, which we are over the moon about. Her head circumference is a little on the small side, but it isn't noticeable. There could be a connection between that and her Epilepsy, but it is hard to tell. She has been walking since the end of February, which is also when she self-weaned (probably because I started work at the beginning of February and my daughter doesn't like to expend too much energy if she doesn't have to). Her vocabulary has been growing in leaps and bounds in both languages and she has been to the US twice now. She is sweet and funny and stubborn and curious and I love her so. We got our first choice for her daycare and she runs in without saying goodbye. It is awesome and pulls on the heartstrings a little too. She runs towards us giggling when we pick her up though, which totally rocks.
What else?
Broom and I are great. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is in September, which is just crazy. Life gets hectic every once and awhile and we have to remember to take time for one another- but I think many couples have that. We moved in April due to mold in our old apartment and our new one is definitely much bigger and nicer- two floors and lots of space for when we decide to end Shrimpy's status as an only child. That project should be starting soon- and the plan is for Broom to carry! We found a naturally-oriented gyno who I really like, and I hope she feels the same way. The gyno has agreed to help us all that she can in our future child making endeavors.
Going back to work has been anti-climactic. My job was adjusted for the woman who replaced me and since she was less qualified than me, a lot of tasks are gone and I am quite honestly, bored (I am aware that that sounds like I am putting myself on a pedestal, but it is very much a different job). I am working on getting them back and also applying when new jobs come up. We will see where it takes me. All in all, the transition has been ok though. Do I wish that my job was stimulating and fulfilling so that I didn't feel like the cells in my body are turning into the same material as my outdated desk? Sure. But I know I am damn lucky to have a job, and it makes a lot of things possible for us which I am grateful for.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
A pat on the back
As you can see, my resolution to blog more frequently is more easily said than done.... but I am doing my best to keep all guilty feelings in check- which, with a Catholic school upbringing nicht immer einfach ist.
However, given our past with Shrimpy, I think getting caught up in day-to-day things is something that I can really be thankful for, and I have really been enjoying the small stuff.
As of this writing, she has been seizure free for 3 months and 8 days. Every day without is truly a gift. We have slowly been reducing one of her meds since 3 is a lot, and (**knocks on an entire forest**) it is going well so far. I am still processing the trauma that we have been through, but think that it will take a long while. Perhaps I will seek out a therapist, but I'm not sure yet. My nightmares have gotten better, and I can sometimes forget that we have the threat of seizures breathing down our necks and am determined to have us all live as normally as possible.
Since my last post post concentrated a lot on the hard realities that we have been through, I am going to brag a bit, and list the things that make me proud at the moment because I can:
- Shrimpy and I exclusively breast fed for 6 months (despite 2 illness periods where she was too weak to drink)! In fact, we have somehow managed to have no major difficulties other than the times she was ill. I feel really lucky that our breastfeeding relationship has been so solid. On her half birthday, we gave her sweet potato to try out (baby led weaning). She isn't quite ready, but we keep practicing for when she is ready.
- We made the family decision to try having her sleep in her own room since all 3 of us were no longer sleeping well, and since then, we have all slept great!
- Shrimpy has a slightly smaller than normal head circumference, but everything else is normal. She has more than doubled her birth weight and has met all of her developmental milestones. She turned over in both directions in May and did it a few times afterwards, but has since been distracted with other things- like her feet!
- The few trips we have taken as a family have been great- with very little fussiness and no trouble sleeping elsewhere. Yay!
- We got a spot in our first choice for daycare- one right around the corner with phenomenal opening times meaning that I can work 40 hours if I so choose and don't have to miss out on too many meetings, even though I will surely find a way around as many as possible. We spoke with the manager there and she has already had good experiences with other children with epilepsy and even double checked with her staff to ensure that there were no prejudices against families like ours. Check and check!
My American brain can still hardly believe that I have been off work for so long and that I don't have to go back until February. With appointments, playgroups, meeting up with friends, and everything else that normal life and keeping up a household entails, time has really been flying by.
I truly cherish being able to rock my baby to sleep and nurse her whenever she needs it. Playtime and nap time and yes, I can even appreciate when she throws a tantrum because she now hates taking her medicine- because she is healthy enough to tantrum and we now know that her being upset probably isn't a trigger.
We have even found a babysitter that we have gotten to know gradually and had our first date night since my mom was here. It was a nice, brief time out for the first time and good for us.
All in all, it isn't easy living with the "what if" in the back of my head all the time, but I refuse to let Epilepsy scare me from having the most normal life possible for me and my family. Shrimpy deserves that, and so do we.
However, given our past with Shrimpy, I think getting caught up in day-to-day things is something that I can really be thankful for, and I have really been enjoying the small stuff.
As of this writing, she has been seizure free for 3 months and 8 days. Every day without is truly a gift. We have slowly been reducing one of her meds since 3 is a lot, and (**knocks on an entire forest**) it is going well so far. I am still processing the trauma that we have been through, but think that it will take a long while. Perhaps I will seek out a therapist, but I'm not sure yet. My nightmares have gotten better, and I can sometimes forget that we have the threat of seizures breathing down our necks and am determined to have us all live as normally as possible.
Since my last post post concentrated a lot on the hard realities that we have been through, I am going to brag a bit, and list the things that make me proud at the moment because I can:
- Shrimpy and I exclusively breast fed for 6 months (despite 2 illness periods where she was too weak to drink)! In fact, we have somehow managed to have no major difficulties other than the times she was ill. I feel really lucky that our breastfeeding relationship has been so solid. On her half birthday, we gave her sweet potato to try out (baby led weaning). She isn't quite ready, but we keep practicing for when she is ready.
- We made the family decision to try having her sleep in her own room since all 3 of us were no longer sleeping well, and since then, we have all slept great!
- Shrimpy has a slightly smaller than normal head circumference, but everything else is normal. She has more than doubled her birth weight and has met all of her developmental milestones. She turned over in both directions in May and did it a few times afterwards, but has since been distracted with other things- like her feet!
- The few trips we have taken as a family have been great- with very little fussiness and no trouble sleeping elsewhere. Yay!
- We got a spot in our first choice for daycare- one right around the corner with phenomenal opening times meaning that I can work 40 hours if I so choose and don't have to miss out on too many meetings, even though I will surely find a way around as many as possible. We spoke with the manager there and she has already had good experiences with other children with epilepsy and even double checked with her staff to ensure that there were no prejudices against families like ours. Check and check!
My American brain can still hardly believe that I have been off work for so long and that I don't have to go back until February. With appointments, playgroups, meeting up with friends, and everything else that normal life and keeping up a household entails, time has really been flying by.
I truly cherish being able to rock my baby to sleep and nurse her whenever she needs it. Playtime and nap time and yes, I can even appreciate when she throws a tantrum because she now hates taking her medicine- because she is healthy enough to tantrum and we now know that her being upset probably isn't a trigger.
We have even found a babysitter that we have gotten to know gradually and had our first date night since my mom was here. It was a nice, brief time out for the first time and good for us.
All in all, it isn't easy living with the "what if" in the back of my head all the time, but I refuse to let Epilepsy scare me from having the most normal life possible for me and my family. Shrimpy deserves that, and so do we.
Monday, February 10, 2014
A Shrimp is Born!
Wow, what a difference a month makes. I feel like I have aged 10 years since my last post. It will take two posts to cover everything that has happened since, but I will start with Shrimpy's birth story and then post about the two weeks we spent in the NICU (so glad to be home now!). Both posts are bound to be quite long...
The prodromal contractions that I had been having continued and I lost more of my mucous plug in the little over a week that passed between my last post and labor. They were still manageable, and my spirits were high, although I did start drinking raspberry leaf tea as well as verbena tea, as recommended by my midwife. All of my visits confirmed that everything was fine, and that we were in no rush to meet baby. Since I was ready, I kept on with the tea, and tried to stay well-rested.
On the night of the 16th, I decided to put the theory of eating eggplant parmesan (with plenty of oregano and basil) to the test. The food turned out great, and I was lying on the couch watching the news when my water broke after a mild contraction at 20:10. It felt like a small "pop" and I said to Broom "I think my water just broke!". I stood up, had a small gush, and went to the restroom, where I lost more clear water (as described by the midwife, it looked like mozzarella water. We got excited, and checked our bags for later and decided to try and get some sleep after letting my family know that we could use their positive energy.
The contractions were 20 minutes apart and only mildly more painful than the contractions that I had been having for the past 3 weeks, and they stayed like that for three hours or so. I was able to rest some, but then the contractions got more intense and were 15 minutes apart, so I went to the couch where I turned on Tim McGraw (his music always helped me sleep while flying) and dozed in between them while timing them the best I could.
At about one in the morning, my timing made me notice that the contractions were coming every 5 minutes- a pattern that I observed for 45 minutes before waking up Broom, after which I woke her to have her support. She applied counter pressure on my back and helped me breathe in the living room, where I had set myself up. They were intense and required all of my concentration, but the pain was instantly gone after the contraction was over. Broom and I decided to call the midwife at 2:30 to let her know that my contractions were still 5 minutes apart, and she thought we could still be a long ways out. I talked to her on the phone and realized I was dealing quite well and found talking to her to be quite distracting, and to wait to go to the birthing center.
After talking to her, I decided I wanted to try and take a bath. The first few contractions in the tub were fine. Suddenly, they got much more intense, and my whole body, each and every particle from my head to my toes, convulsed and drew together, automatically pushing the baby without me actively doing anything. This felt wrong. I had just had ok contractions, and now my body was pushing?!? Something had to be wrong, and I knew, that if this was early labor, that I couldn't do it.
Instinctively, I put my hand between my legs when these contractions came, but I seriously doubted that this could be what I thought it was. In between the pushing contractions, I kept thinking to myself- it would make sense if this was transition...and then I threw up, which really had me thinking- "could I already be there?!?".
After throwing up, I had to get out of the tub. I laid down on the bed and continued to have the pushing contractions, every 2-3 minutes.
At about 3:15, Broom called the midwife again, who heard my guttural, growly contraction and told us that she was leaving for the birthing center and would call us once she confirmed that the room was free. Broom got stuff ready while I tried tipping my chin back and panting to hold back the pushing contractions that were so intense and heavy. I told Broom, "This sounds crazy, but I think the baby is coming, I swear I can feel the head."
About 15 minutes later, the midwife called back and told us we could come any time we were ready. Broom somehow got me dressed, holding me up through the contractions. In the car, I braced myself in the back so that I wasn't sitting down, so convinced I was that the head was right there. I gave Broom directions (who had only gotten her driver's license a week beforehand), who was understandably nervous- so I didn't tell her how I felt like the head was there- that, and I was in disbelief.
Once she parked, I went to get the parking ticket, where I had such a strong pushing contraction, that I was starting to believe what I was feeling. On our 2 minute walk to the birthing center from our parking spot, I had two more contractions, one of which on the few steps down to the birthing apartment.
The midwife proceeded to ask me if she should fill the birthing pool or check me. I told her "You better check me- it sounds crazy, but I think the baby is right there". She asked me to sit down, but I refused, stating that I didn't want to sit on the baby. Broom and the midwife helped me get my pants off, and she took a look, stating: "Yes, the baby is right there, reach down and touch it's head." After doing so, I realized that I could, indeed, trust my body. She told me to kneel at the end of the bed, bending my body over the bed itself (since the kneeling pad wasn't there yet, I asked "But you are going to put something down, right?"), of course pulling out the birthing pad and something sterile for the baby to be collected on underneath me.
After kneeling, I had another pushing contraction, letting my body do all of the work, and immediately felt the "ring of fire". Another pushing contraction came, and the head was out! The body followed immediately afterwards...two minutes after entering the birthing center, and the midwife just barely had enough time to put on gloves!
I looked down, and couldn't believe that my baby was already here! I picked up baby and crawled into the bed. After expressing concern about keeping baby low enough to let the umbilical cord pulse out, the midwife let me know that it was already pulsed out and I had some skin to skin time with baby while the midwife gave the umbilical cord a gentle tug. Out came the placenta without any problems.
It was only at this point that we asked if it was a boy or a girl, at which the midwife told me to look.With my first glance down before crawling into bed with baby, I thought we had a boy- but I was wrong! We had a little girl! After seeing that surprise, baby and I were able to nurse for awhile, with the midwife checking on me and determining, despite the fact that our Shrimpy came out with her hand on top of her head, that I had no tears, only a few scrapes. Baby weighed in at 3250 grams and 49cm long and had perfect APGAR scores. Since she had spent such little time in the birth canal, her head wasn't deformed at all, and her cheeks were really filled out- making her look older than she was. Surprisingly, she also had quite a bit of hair!
After feeding, it was time to attempt my first trip to the bathroom in order to empty my bladder and encourage my uterus to contract further. My midwife and I made it to the bathroom, but while on the toilet, I passed a large blood clot and passed out- waking up on the floor. After Broom helped me to bed, the midwife gave me a catheter to empty my bladder, and continued to give me sugary drinks. However, she stated that if I didn't come around with my dizziness within 30 minutes that she would have to transfer me to the hospital for a transfusion. Luckily, this wasn't necessary, and we were allowed to stay in the birthing center room longer than usual after the birth so that I could rest and regain my strength.
It was a truly amazing experience, feeling the power that my body possesses, and finally meeting the little girl that made us parents! A part of me wonders how long her birth would have been had I not fought the pushing contractions- but either way- 8 hours from water breaking to holding a baby is pretty amazingly intense for a first child!
These wonderful moments would keep us going once our Shrimpy got sick a day and a half later....which will be another long blog post itself.
The prodromal contractions that I had been having continued and I lost more of my mucous plug in the little over a week that passed between my last post and labor. They were still manageable, and my spirits were high, although I did start drinking raspberry leaf tea as well as verbena tea, as recommended by my midwife. All of my visits confirmed that everything was fine, and that we were in no rush to meet baby. Since I was ready, I kept on with the tea, and tried to stay well-rested.
On the night of the 16th, I decided to put the theory of eating eggplant parmesan (with plenty of oregano and basil) to the test. The food turned out great, and I was lying on the couch watching the news when my water broke after a mild contraction at 20:10. It felt like a small "pop" and I said to Broom "I think my water just broke!". I stood up, had a small gush, and went to the restroom, where I lost more clear water (as described by the midwife, it looked like mozzarella water. We got excited, and checked our bags for later and decided to try and get some sleep after letting my family know that we could use their positive energy.
The contractions were 20 minutes apart and only mildly more painful than the contractions that I had been having for the past 3 weeks, and they stayed like that for three hours or so. I was able to rest some, but then the contractions got more intense and were 15 minutes apart, so I went to the couch where I turned on Tim McGraw (his music always helped me sleep while flying) and dozed in between them while timing them the best I could.
At about one in the morning, my timing made me notice that the contractions were coming every 5 minutes- a pattern that I observed for 45 minutes before waking up Broom, after which I woke her to have her support. She applied counter pressure on my back and helped me breathe in the living room, where I had set myself up. They were intense and required all of my concentration, but the pain was instantly gone after the contraction was over. Broom and I decided to call the midwife at 2:30 to let her know that my contractions were still 5 minutes apart, and she thought we could still be a long ways out. I talked to her on the phone and realized I was dealing quite well and found talking to her to be quite distracting, and to wait to go to the birthing center.
After talking to her, I decided I wanted to try and take a bath. The first few contractions in the tub were fine. Suddenly, they got much more intense, and my whole body, each and every particle from my head to my toes, convulsed and drew together, automatically pushing the baby without me actively doing anything. This felt wrong. I had just had ok contractions, and now my body was pushing?!? Something had to be wrong, and I knew, that if this was early labor, that I couldn't do it.
Instinctively, I put my hand between my legs when these contractions came, but I seriously doubted that this could be what I thought it was. In between the pushing contractions, I kept thinking to myself- it would make sense if this was transition...and then I threw up, which really had me thinking- "could I already be there?!?".
After throwing up, I had to get out of the tub. I laid down on the bed and continued to have the pushing contractions, every 2-3 minutes.
At about 3:15, Broom called the midwife again, who heard my guttural, growly contraction and told us that she was leaving for the birthing center and would call us once she confirmed that the room was free. Broom got stuff ready while I tried tipping my chin back and panting to hold back the pushing contractions that were so intense and heavy. I told Broom, "This sounds crazy, but I think the baby is coming, I swear I can feel the head."
About 15 minutes later, the midwife called back and told us we could come any time we were ready. Broom somehow got me dressed, holding me up through the contractions. In the car, I braced myself in the back so that I wasn't sitting down, so convinced I was that the head was right there. I gave Broom directions (who had only gotten her driver's license a week beforehand), who was understandably nervous- so I didn't tell her how I felt like the head was there- that, and I was in disbelief.
Once she parked, I went to get the parking ticket, where I had such a strong pushing contraction, that I was starting to believe what I was feeling. On our 2 minute walk to the birthing center from our parking spot, I had two more contractions, one of which on the few steps down to the birthing apartment.
The midwife proceeded to ask me if she should fill the birthing pool or check me. I told her "You better check me- it sounds crazy, but I think the baby is right there". She asked me to sit down, but I refused, stating that I didn't want to sit on the baby. Broom and the midwife helped me get my pants off, and she took a look, stating: "Yes, the baby is right there, reach down and touch it's head." After doing so, I realized that I could, indeed, trust my body. She told me to kneel at the end of the bed, bending my body over the bed itself (since the kneeling pad wasn't there yet, I asked "But you are going to put something down, right?"), of course pulling out the birthing pad and something sterile for the baby to be collected on underneath me.
After kneeling, I had another pushing contraction, letting my body do all of the work, and immediately felt the "ring of fire". Another pushing contraction came, and the head was out! The body followed immediately afterwards...two minutes after entering the birthing center, and the midwife just barely had enough time to put on gloves!
I looked down, and couldn't believe that my baby was already here! I picked up baby and crawled into the bed. After expressing concern about keeping baby low enough to let the umbilical cord pulse out, the midwife let me know that it was already pulsed out and I had some skin to skin time with baby while the midwife gave the umbilical cord a gentle tug. Out came the placenta without any problems.
It was only at this point that we asked if it was a boy or a girl, at which the midwife told me to look.With my first glance down before crawling into bed with baby, I thought we had a boy- but I was wrong! We had a little girl! After seeing that surprise, baby and I were able to nurse for awhile, with the midwife checking on me and determining, despite the fact that our Shrimpy came out with her hand on top of her head, that I had no tears, only a few scrapes. Baby weighed in at 3250 grams and 49cm long and had perfect APGAR scores. Since she had spent such little time in the birth canal, her head wasn't deformed at all, and her cheeks were really filled out- making her look older than she was. Surprisingly, she also had quite a bit of hair!
After feeding, it was time to attempt my first trip to the bathroom in order to empty my bladder and encourage my uterus to contract further. My midwife and I made it to the bathroom, but while on the toilet, I passed a large blood clot and passed out- waking up on the floor. After Broom helped me to bed, the midwife gave me a catheter to empty my bladder, and continued to give me sugary drinks. However, she stated that if I didn't come around with my dizziness within 30 minutes that she would have to transfer me to the hospital for a transfusion. Luckily, this wasn't necessary, and we were allowed to stay in the birthing center room longer than usual after the birth so that I could rest and regain my strength.
It was a truly amazing experience, feeling the power that my body possesses, and finally meeting the little girl that made us parents! A part of me wonders how long her birth would have been had I not fought the pushing contractions- but either way- 8 hours from water breaking to holding a baby is pretty amazingly intense for a first child!
These wonderful moments would keep us going once our Shrimpy got sick a day and a half later....which will be another long blog post itself.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Patience and trust
We made it to 39 weeks! And it seems just like yesterday that I got that positive on the digital pregnancy test...
Now the hard part is trusting that my body and my baby know exactly what they are doing. I've had a constant, deep back pain for over 2 weeks now, and prodromal labor about every other day since the 30th. I wondered if I would be grateful that my period cramps were always so bad, and I really am! What good training.
Most of the prodromal contractions are manageable, and when I have them, about 5-10 a day are such that I have to breathe through them or that they wake me up. They can drive you a little crazy, leading you to wonder "Is this real? This is more than the Braxton-Hicks contractions, but they aren't consistent! Am I dreaming this?". Once so far I have cried about it, since I get excited that labor could be starting, and then it goes away after awhile.
Whatever they are, it involves my back and abdomen and wrap all the way around. I am grateful that I am able to either get a fair amount of sleep at night or take epic naps during the day. The full surrender to this process that this requires and trusting the knowledge that my baby and body have is certainly a test of patience (not entirely dissimilar to the conception process).
One thing that I keep trying to tell myself is that these contractions aren't "for nothing". Shrimpy is gradually getting even more into starting position and I am surely effacing more and more. I've had bloody show and seen parts of my mucous plug, and I somehow managed to glimpse the first few drops of colostrum while changing. When I think about it, it is great that things are getting along gradually without me being too uncomfortable. A part of me isn't even that surprised, considering everything that it took for us to get here and the enjoyment that I've had growing this child. Emotionally and physically it is for sure the best route for us if labor isn't over too quickly.
So, I am embracing this gradual separation process and am giving myself over to the process of Shrimpy and I becoming separate entities. The inner knowledge and strength that my body has already exhibited confirms many things for me, and that is an amazingly wonderful and womanly experience for me!
Now the hard part is trusting that my body and my baby know exactly what they are doing. I've had a constant, deep back pain for over 2 weeks now, and prodromal labor about every other day since the 30th. I wondered if I would be grateful that my period cramps were always so bad, and I really am! What good training.
Most of the prodromal contractions are manageable, and when I have them, about 5-10 a day are such that I have to breathe through them or that they wake me up. They can drive you a little crazy, leading you to wonder "Is this real? This is more than the Braxton-Hicks contractions, but they aren't consistent! Am I dreaming this?". Once so far I have cried about it, since I get excited that labor could be starting, and then it goes away after awhile.
Whatever they are, it involves my back and abdomen and wrap all the way around. I am grateful that I am able to either get a fair amount of sleep at night or take epic naps during the day. The full surrender to this process that this requires and trusting the knowledge that my baby and body have is certainly a test of patience (not entirely dissimilar to the conception process).
One thing that I keep trying to tell myself is that these contractions aren't "for nothing". Shrimpy is gradually getting even more into starting position and I am surely effacing more and more. I've had bloody show and seen parts of my mucous plug, and I somehow managed to glimpse the first few drops of colostrum while changing. When I think about it, it is great that things are getting along gradually without me being too uncomfortable. A part of me isn't even that surprised, considering everything that it took for us to get here and the enjoyment that I've had growing this child. Emotionally and physically it is for sure the best route for us if labor isn't over too quickly.
So, I am embracing this gradual separation process and am giving myself over to the process of Shrimpy and I becoming separate entities. The inner knowledge and strength that my body has already exhibited confirms many things for me, and that is an amazingly wonderful and womanly experience for me!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Almost time for baby
The last month has been delightfully calm- that is, after my gyno attempted to put me on limited physical activity. With this whole split prenatal care between my gyno and my midwives, it has been interesting to see how modern medicine (in my opinion) attempts to take all the risk and responsibility and "minimize" it (which isn't really possible, anyway). The idea of questioning the reasoning behind some prescriptions and requests for care seems novel for some doctors, and we had to get rather insistent that I did not want to take antibiotics for a small, very common infection so close to birth and that I did not want to have fetal heart tones recorded every 2 weeks for 30 minutes at a time. After we got through all that, I was able to breathe more deeply and relax, which has been just what I needed!
Now, we only have to wait until midnight on the 1st to be able to have Shrimpy at the birthing center, due to their new insurance for 2014 (otherwise, the clock would have started this week at 37 weeks and not at 38). Since I had some bloody show on Friday and have been having irregular contractions and shooting vag pain when walking, I have been taking it easy in the hopes of Shrimpy not starting the show earlier. I have been feeling pretty good, though, and being sure to nap during the day since sleeping can be hard between the hip & back pain and going to the bathroom so much.
I never thought that being off for so long before baby gets here would go by so quickly, but I have been really enjoying it! I've been teaching myself how to crochet, doing sewing projects and crafts, as well as reading and cooking. Broom and I have been doing our best to enjoy the calm before all of the changes, although we are both getting eager to meet baby! I have been able to talk to my mom more since I've been off (due to the time difference), and she has been really supportive, which is lovely. My homesickness tends to flair up around the holidays, and this year was no different, but it is what it is (Although we are seriously thinking about making a 5-year plan to move to Canada.).
Christmas with die Mutti was OK, although she is easier to deal with when I have had wine, lol. At least she only stayed 1 night, and then Broom and I could relax after she left. We have already taken down the decorations to have that out of the way in case baby comes, and are really looking forward to a quiet New Year's.
Tomorrow is my next midwife appointment, and I expect it to be pretty uneventful. I figure I will go on longer walks starting on the 1st and see when my baby and my body are ready for birth.
2013 was a great year, but we are both really looking forward to meeting this little one!
Now, we only have to wait until midnight on the 1st to be able to have Shrimpy at the birthing center, due to their new insurance for 2014 (otherwise, the clock would have started this week at 37 weeks and not at 38). Since I had some bloody show on Friday and have been having irregular contractions and shooting vag pain when walking, I have been taking it easy in the hopes of Shrimpy not starting the show earlier. I have been feeling pretty good, though, and being sure to nap during the day since sleeping can be hard between the hip & back pain and going to the bathroom so much.
I never thought that being off for so long before baby gets here would go by so quickly, but I have been really enjoying it! I've been teaching myself how to crochet, doing sewing projects and crafts, as well as reading and cooking. Broom and I have been doing our best to enjoy the calm before all of the changes, although we are both getting eager to meet baby! I have been able to talk to my mom more since I've been off (due to the time difference), and she has been really supportive, which is lovely. My homesickness tends to flair up around the holidays, and this year was no different, but it is what it is (Although we are seriously thinking about making a 5-year plan to move to Canada.).
Christmas with die Mutti was OK, although she is easier to deal with when I have had wine, lol. At least she only stayed 1 night, and then Broom and I could relax after she left. We have already taken down the decorations to have that out of the way in case baby comes, and are really looking forward to a quiet New Year's.
Tomorrow is my next midwife appointment, and I expect it to be pretty uneventful. I figure I will go on longer walks starting on the 1st and see when my baby and my body are ready for birth.
2013 was a great year, but we are both really looking forward to meeting this little one!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Awesomeness all around
Vacation was busy and still relaxing at the same time!
I really loved seeing everyone and spending time with them while sleeping in and just being.
The city that we visited with my mom and sister was really awesome. It has a real European feel, and everything that we are looking for in a place to live: health care, public transportation, culture, and a body of water. It is more expensive than what we are used to now for cost of living, but salaries would be higher too. We will be using materials we gathered to estimate how much we would need to move and how much we would need to earn to make it plausible to live there. If we do decide to go through with it, it is more like a 5+ year plan, but it is good to really consider it- although the coolness of Europe and the proximity to other countries would be really hard to give up.
Spending time in my hometown was great- some friends and I got together and had an excellent evening together, and telling my family about Shrimpy at the reunion was great fun! As sweet as they are, none of them wanted to assume that I was pregnant in case I had just put on weight! Despite the health problems my family is facing (an aunt and uncle of mine are both battling stage 4 cancer, another uncle was in a massive car accident that made him, at least for now, a quadriplegic, and my mom's ex had a bladder blockage that they are currently testing for cancer), we were still a rather upbeat group- and I know that we really support one another in hard times like these.
This week I am at my work's American headquarters and catching up on everything that happened while I was on vacation and working on projects. We are also doing interviews for my position, which is exciting and filled with lots of hope and expectations. There have been a lot of comments made about it being hard to replace me and the value of my position which makes me feel really good.
My coworkers here also threw me an early baby shower (since I won't be back until post baby)! It was something they brought up right after I announced it to them, and I am just overwhelmed by kindness and acceptance. They have given our growing family such thoughtful gifts and I can't wait to show Broom all of the nice things that we have received.
Today I also got to meet up with a good friend of mine and her family for breakfast. My delayed flight on Sunday made that meet-up impossible, but we made breakfast work, and they even picked me up from my hotel and dropped me off at work so that we would have the most time possible to visit with one another. She is also expecting, and we are exactly two weeks apart- it is so lovely to be going though this "together" (at least virtually!) and it was great to see them and catch up- although there is never enough time! (Thank you! And thank you for breakfast!)
I can't wait to get home and back to our apartment, and I can't help but be extremely grateful for everything right now- even with the medical hardships in my family, the network behind us all is amazingly awesome!
I really loved seeing everyone and spending time with them while sleeping in and just being.
The city that we visited with my mom and sister was really awesome. It has a real European feel, and everything that we are looking for in a place to live: health care, public transportation, culture, and a body of water. It is more expensive than what we are used to now for cost of living, but salaries would be higher too. We will be using materials we gathered to estimate how much we would need to move and how much we would need to earn to make it plausible to live there. If we do decide to go through with it, it is more like a 5+ year plan, but it is good to really consider it- although the coolness of Europe and the proximity to other countries would be really hard to give up.
Spending time in my hometown was great- some friends and I got together and had an excellent evening together, and telling my family about Shrimpy at the reunion was great fun! As sweet as they are, none of them wanted to assume that I was pregnant in case I had just put on weight! Despite the health problems my family is facing (an aunt and uncle of mine are both battling stage 4 cancer, another uncle was in a massive car accident that made him, at least for now, a quadriplegic, and my mom's ex had a bladder blockage that they are currently testing for cancer), we were still a rather upbeat group- and I know that we really support one another in hard times like these.
This week I am at my work's American headquarters and catching up on everything that happened while I was on vacation and working on projects. We are also doing interviews for my position, which is exciting and filled with lots of hope and expectations. There have been a lot of comments made about it being hard to replace me and the value of my position which makes me feel really good.
My coworkers here also threw me an early baby shower (since I won't be back until post baby)! It was something they brought up right after I announced it to them, and I am just overwhelmed by kindness and acceptance. They have given our growing family such thoughtful gifts and I can't wait to show Broom all of the nice things that we have received.
Today I also got to meet up with a good friend of mine and her family for breakfast. My delayed flight on Sunday made that meet-up impossible, but we made breakfast work, and they even picked me up from my hotel and dropped me off at work so that we would have the most time possible to visit with one another. She is also expecting, and we are exactly two weeks apart- it is so lovely to be going though this "together" (at least virtually!) and it was great to see them and catch up- although there is never enough time! (Thank you! And thank you for breakfast!)
I can't wait to get home and back to our apartment, and I can't help but be extremely grateful for everything right now- even with the medical hardships in my family, the network behind us all is amazingly awesome!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
VayCay!
So, I have made it through my 4-day training in Chicago!
I am now certified in training adults! A great thing to know/have and for my CV. The days were long, and the prep for the practice and the competency demonstration (which determined if we were certified or not) of course took its time, but I am really proud of myself.
In other work news, they have posted by position and the company helping us with the search has already received 40 applications, 10 of which are qualified. Since we officially started the search, and the timing of this trip was right after the "safer time", I had to pick a group of people to tell via email in order to keep the rumor wild-fire at bay. More than half of the people I sent it to sent congratulatory emails in response, which was a great feeling. When I am at our corporate offices at the end of the month, the US-branch of my department is even throwing me a baby shower! It is so nice to "feel the love" and if anyone has had any inappropriate thoughts regarding how I got pregnant, it hasn't made its way through to me. I am anxious to see if there are any questions surrounding it, but I figure I will just mention that we had medical help, and the rest was the sperm and the egg's doing. All in all, I am bowled over by their support.
In (not really) shocking news, it turns out the longer flights while preggo do not agree with me or Shrimpy, meaning I felt nauseated, dizzy, and generally shitty on the way over here. It was not fun being so miserable the whole time, but my homeopathic remedies at least took the edge off. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the flight back over the pond. I will be avoiding any further flights until Shrimpy is here.
Since I have been sitting in a classroom environment all week, and the hotel has a pool, I have really enjoyed swimming! I know that this isn't surprising either, but it just felt so good to be weightless. I would like to continue swimming once back home, but am still searching for a tankini top (the bottoms I found at Target, with a nice skirt, since I have some nice new stretch marks on my thighs- but the tops they had were not enough as my cup overfloweth- literally).
Tomorrow I am off to explore a city that Broom and I are debating moving to one day. My mom, sister, and her kids are coming along (they are driving up to meet me), so I am excited to see everyone and spend quality time with them all. I am also really looking forward to our upcoming family reunion and telling everyone the happy news!
So, I'm not sure if I will write while on vacation, but if not, I will be sure to let you know how it went once I am back.
Have a nice weekend!
I am now certified in training adults! A great thing to know/have and for my CV. The days were long, and the prep for the practice and the competency demonstration (which determined if we were certified or not) of course took its time, but I am really proud of myself.
In other work news, they have posted by position and the company helping us with the search has already received 40 applications, 10 of which are qualified. Since we officially started the search, and the timing of this trip was right after the "safer time", I had to pick a group of people to tell via email in order to keep the rumor wild-fire at bay. More than half of the people I sent it to sent congratulatory emails in response, which was a great feeling. When I am at our corporate offices at the end of the month, the US-branch of my department is even throwing me a baby shower! It is so nice to "feel the love" and if anyone has had any inappropriate thoughts regarding how I got pregnant, it hasn't made its way through to me. I am anxious to see if there are any questions surrounding it, but I figure I will just mention that we had medical help, and the rest was the sperm and the egg's doing. All in all, I am bowled over by their support.
In (not really) shocking news, it turns out the longer flights while preggo do not agree with me or Shrimpy, meaning I felt nauseated, dizzy, and generally shitty on the way over here. It was not fun being so miserable the whole time, but my homeopathic remedies at least took the edge off. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the flight back over the pond. I will be avoiding any further flights until Shrimpy is here.
Since I have been sitting in a classroom environment all week, and the hotel has a pool, I have really enjoyed swimming! I know that this isn't surprising either, but it just felt so good to be weightless. I would like to continue swimming once back home, but am still searching for a tankini top (the bottoms I found at Target, with a nice skirt, since I have some nice new stretch marks on my thighs- but the tops they had were not enough as my cup overfloweth- literally).
Tomorrow I am off to explore a city that Broom and I are debating moving to one day. My mom, sister, and her kids are coming along (they are driving up to meet me), so I am excited to see everyone and spend quality time with them all. I am also really looking forward to our upcoming family reunion and telling everyone the happy news!
So, I'm not sure if I will write while on vacation, but if not, I will be sure to let you know how it went once I am back.
Have a nice weekend!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
(Almost) Time to leave on a jet plane!
Well, Sunday is the day I go to the US for almost 4 weeks! Crazy!
I am starting out in Chicago for a 1-week training, then we are visiting Toronto to see if we would like living there, and then I am spending time with my family before another 4 days of business at the end. I am excited and scared, and hoping that I feel ok while I am gone and don't catch any bugs.
Luckily, all of my appointments have been going well! They reduced my thyroid meds, and our 1st official ultrasound (the one to confirm the pregnancy doesn't count) went perfectly!
The baby measured the right size, the heart was still beating strongly (we got to hear it over the dr.'s doppler), and since Shrimpy was sleeping- my dr. got him or her to wake up and move.
It was amazing to see those little arms and long legs flail and wave as he/she was surprised awake by the gentle pushes on my belly. I felt a little bad, waking our child up, but it was great to see the movement before he/she settled back down to a more comfortable looking sleeping position (head more or less level with the body rather than feet up in the air). The dr. could even recognize that the baby's digestive system is functioning based on the stomach, and at one point, we saw the brain, too. Completely amazing.
We couldn't be happier that we have reached the 2nd trimester and we are keeping everything crossed that things continue to go well!
Since things did go so well, we went ahead and told Broom's brothers (who, reacted ok- a little weirdly, but ok), as well as my big bosses at work. Apparently, based on the meeting invites, they thought I was going to quit and were freaking out. One was surprised, the other relieved. It is nice to have it out now, and we will begin looking for my replacement any day now.
It is still hitting Broom and I that having this baby means coming out to even more people, over and over again. At least, so far, reactions haven't been bad, and Broom's mom seems to be really excited now, which is a little scary and nice at the same time. Babies do sometimes make people easier to relate to, so we will see.
Now, off to see if I can figure out how to shimmy my legs into the really serious thigh-high compression stockings I bought...
I am starting out in Chicago for a 1-week training, then we are visiting Toronto to see if we would like living there, and then I am spending time with my family before another 4 days of business at the end. I am excited and scared, and hoping that I feel ok while I am gone and don't catch any bugs.
Luckily, all of my appointments have been going well! They reduced my thyroid meds, and our 1st official ultrasound (the one to confirm the pregnancy doesn't count) went perfectly!
The baby measured the right size, the heart was still beating strongly (we got to hear it over the dr.'s doppler), and since Shrimpy was sleeping- my dr. got him or her to wake up and move.
It was amazing to see those little arms and long legs flail and wave as he/she was surprised awake by the gentle pushes on my belly. I felt a little bad, waking our child up, but it was great to see the movement before he/she settled back down to a more comfortable looking sleeping position (head more or less level with the body rather than feet up in the air). The dr. could even recognize that the baby's digestive system is functioning based on the stomach, and at one point, we saw the brain, too. Completely amazing.
We couldn't be happier that we have reached the 2nd trimester and we are keeping everything crossed that things continue to go well!
Since things did go so well, we went ahead and told Broom's brothers (who, reacted ok- a little weirdly, but ok), as well as my big bosses at work. Apparently, based on the meeting invites, they thought I was going to quit and were freaking out. One was surprised, the other relieved. It is nice to have it out now, and we will begin looking for my replacement any day now.
It is still hitting Broom and I that having this baby means coming out to even more people, over and over again. At least, so far, reactions haven't been bad, and Broom's mom seems to be really excited now, which is a little scary and nice at the same time. Babies do sometimes make people easier to relate to, so we will see.
Now, off to see if I can figure out how to shimmy my legs into the really serious thigh-high compression stockings I bought...
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Busy Bees
We have been all over, it seems!
An alternative street festival in our city, Pride in Berlin, and speaking with journalists about discrimination.
Whew!
Pride last weekend was really cool. Friday was kicked off with a Dyke March through the city (which we were really late for since we had to set our tents up at our odd but nice campsite). 1,500 dykes and dyke supporters in a really non-commercial march for more visibility and rights. It was really neat! Afterwards, there was a gathering and some dancing- although I just gathered- my work day had me too worn out to dance.
The big CSD parade on Saturday was amazingly huge- and we only watched a small part of it! According to 1 news source, there were 700,000 people in attendance. It was neat to watch, but I am glad that we did the "lite" version, as lots of standing and walking in the sun is not my thing (pregnant or not). Meeting up with friends afterwards was really nice.
We also decided to answer a call for people to talk to journalists about discrimination here. I can't go into detail since it could later make this blog not so anonymous, so let's just say that I am excited that we decided to be brave despite the fact that it could be sensationalized. Hopefully, the subject will get visibility either way. This is an exciting time as far as the possibility of more rights go- here, and in the US- although I am fully aware that these changes could take place long after Shrimpy has made his/her appearance.
In the meantime, I've still had symptoms that come and go, like waves. The nausea only seems to come when I am tired and hungry, which is good (although I do go from "I could eat" to "OMG feed me" in like 20 minutes...and then I can't eat that much, lol.). The round ligament pain has started, and I am glad that I knew that this happens- as it could otherwise be quite a scary sensation. I've got a bit of a mix of the "mask of pregnancy" / acne / rash thing going on on my face as well as increasing back pain- but movement helps. My "bloating" doesn't seem to ever go away completely now, and part of my belly is hard...so it is probably the start of my bump. I've made plans to check out thrift stores with my sister while I am home to get maternity clothes. In the meantime, dresses and my belly band are my friends.
A little hard to believe that I am 11 weeks today, and that our next ultrasound is next week- but I will be glad when we have that important milestone behind us, that's for sure.
The end of next week I will be flying to the US for almost 4 weeks, so by the time I am back, it will be time for another ultrasound, among other things!
An alternative street festival in our city, Pride in Berlin, and speaking with journalists about discrimination.
Whew!
Pride last weekend was really cool. Friday was kicked off with a Dyke March through the city (which we were really late for since we had to set our tents up at our odd but nice campsite). 1,500 dykes and dyke supporters in a really non-commercial march for more visibility and rights. It was really neat! Afterwards, there was a gathering and some dancing- although I just gathered- my work day had me too worn out to dance.
The big CSD parade on Saturday was amazingly huge- and we only watched a small part of it! According to 1 news source, there were 700,000 people in attendance. It was neat to watch, but I am glad that we did the "lite" version, as lots of standing and walking in the sun is not my thing (pregnant or not). Meeting up with friends afterwards was really nice.
We also decided to answer a call for people to talk to journalists about discrimination here. I can't go into detail since it could later make this blog not so anonymous, so let's just say that I am excited that we decided to be brave despite the fact that it could be sensationalized. Hopefully, the subject will get visibility either way. This is an exciting time as far as the possibility of more rights go- here, and in the US- although I am fully aware that these changes could take place long after Shrimpy has made his/her appearance.
In the meantime, I've still had symptoms that come and go, like waves. The nausea only seems to come when I am tired and hungry, which is good (although I do go from "I could eat" to "OMG feed me" in like 20 minutes...and then I can't eat that much, lol.). The round ligament pain has started, and I am glad that I knew that this happens- as it could otherwise be quite a scary sensation. I've got a bit of a mix of the "mask of pregnancy" / acne / rash thing going on on my face as well as increasing back pain- but movement helps. My "bloating" doesn't seem to ever go away completely now, and part of my belly is hard...so it is probably the start of my bump. I've made plans to check out thrift stores with my sister while I am home to get maternity clothes. In the meantime, dresses and my belly band are my friends.
A little hard to believe that I am 11 weeks today, and that our next ultrasound is next week- but I will be glad when we have that important milestone behind us, that's for sure.
The end of next week I will be flying to the US for almost 4 weeks, so by the time I am back, it will be time for another ultrasound, among other things!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Impulse Buy
All in all, this week has been lovely.
Somehow slow, but with nice events accenting the week.
On Monday, I was off sick as I had tooth pain from Saturday onwards that got progressively worse, but I was able to get in to see my dentist, who discovered a cavity. I hadn't really had anything but checkups with her before, so I didn't know how un-informative and cruel she is. NO information about what she was doing (unannounced drilling, anyone?) and didn't really tell me what she did- but at least I can see that she filled a cavity. After she checks on her work in two weeks, I will be getting a new dentist. I'm done with insensitive doctors!
I spent my day off sleeping, relaxing, and spending time with myself. I think I needed it more than I thought.
My workweek was fine, and I decided that I couldn't continue keeping my awesome boss in the dark (in fact, as weird as it may sound- it felt like keeping a big secret from a good friend) and told her on Thursday. She was super excited for us and really understanding- I am really glad I told her and feel a lot lighter now. I let her know that I would like to keep it confidential for the next few weeks, and of course she understood completely. Even though I will miss her company when I am on leave, I also want to make sure we find someone to support her and our department while I am gone.
We also told Die Mutti (Broom's Mom) on Thursday. She was positive, but a little weird (although I, while drunk last Christmas, gave her allll the details about what it was taking for us to get pregnant). She said "you (insert my name here) are going to have a baby" where I replied "yes, Broom and I are having a baby". We let her know that we weren't ready to tell Broom's brothers yet. True to her form, she then let us know that we should get a bunch of new furniture for the baby's room.
So, we will see how her reaction progresses / fluctuates.
Today, the impulse buy Fetal Doppler that I got online. It isn't that easy to use yet, but I was able to catch Shrimpy as he or she swam by. It was great to see the heartbeat, even if it was just for a moment.
Happy Weekend!
Somehow slow, but with nice events accenting the week.
On Monday, I was off sick as I had tooth pain from Saturday onwards that got progressively worse, but I was able to get in to see my dentist, who discovered a cavity. I hadn't really had anything but checkups with her before, so I didn't know how un-informative and cruel she is. NO information about what she was doing (unannounced drilling, anyone?) and didn't really tell me what she did- but at least I can see that she filled a cavity. After she checks on her work in two weeks, I will be getting a new dentist. I'm done with insensitive doctors!
I spent my day off sleeping, relaxing, and spending time with myself. I think I needed it more than I thought.
My workweek was fine, and I decided that I couldn't continue keeping my awesome boss in the dark (in fact, as weird as it may sound- it felt like keeping a big secret from a good friend) and told her on Thursday. She was super excited for us and really understanding- I am really glad I told her and feel a lot lighter now. I let her know that I would like to keep it confidential for the next few weeks, and of course she understood completely. Even though I will miss her company when I am on leave, I also want to make sure we find someone to support her and our department while I am gone.
We also told Die Mutti (Broom's Mom) on Thursday. She was positive, but a little weird (although I, while drunk last Christmas, gave her allll the details about what it was taking for us to get pregnant). She said "you (insert my name here) are going to have a baby" where I replied "yes, Broom and I are having a baby". We let her know that we weren't ready to tell Broom's brothers yet. True to her form, she then let us know that we should get a bunch of new furniture for the baby's room.
So, we will see how her reaction progresses / fluctuates.
Today, the impulse buy Fetal Doppler that I got online. It isn't that easy to use yet, but I was able to catch Shrimpy as he or she swam by. It was great to see the heartbeat, even if it was just for a moment.
Happy Weekend!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
A flood of emotions
So, the long-awaited day has come!
Excitingly, we have one, really perfect Shrimpy! The baby measured perfect for 8w1d and we could see the heartbeat :) I got blood drawn and she did a breast and manual examinations and we got our first pictures.
What a sigh of relief to know that things are developing as they should! I couldn't help but get teary, it was such an awesome view, to see Shrimpy for the first time while holding Broom's hand. We got our open questions answered and are due on January 14th, 2014. Our next appointment is right before I go to the US for business and vacation, so that is perfect, too.
On a more sober note, we are still waiting on the worst of the flooding here and are hoping that everyone and as much of their possessions as possible are spared. When I see the news, I just want to cry when I see the level of destruction, but am glad that the number of fatalities hasn't risen and am glad to see how many people have been volunteering.
Stay safe!
Excitingly, we have one, really perfect Shrimpy! The baby measured perfect for 8w1d and we could see the heartbeat :) I got blood drawn and she did a breast and manual examinations and we got our first pictures.
What a sigh of relief to know that things are developing as they should! I couldn't help but get teary, it was such an awesome view, to see Shrimpy for the first time while holding Broom's hand. We got our open questions answered and are due on January 14th, 2014. Our next appointment is right before I go to the US for business and vacation, so that is perfect, too.
On a more sober note, we are still waiting on the worst of the flooding here and are hoping that everyone and as much of their possessions as possible are spared. When I see the news, I just want to cry when I see the level of destruction, but am glad that the number of fatalities hasn't risen and am glad to see how many people have been volunteering.
Stay safe!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
One week
One week from today we will find out if everything is OK in my aquarium and if our Shrimp(s) are doing well, too. It can't come soon enough even though I know that we will have more to see next week since I will be 8 weeks. I've still only had what I consider to be mild symptoms, which had me a bit worried on Sunday. I expressed this worry aloud to Broom, and our Shrimp responded promptly with the worst wave of nausea I've had on Monday. It was, indeed, reassuring!
This week has also been one filled with mixed emotions (in pregnancy? shocker) due to news from friends. On the one hand, I was over the moon to hear that a good friend of mine is pregnant, too! On the other hand, friends of ours are unfortunately not pregnant anymore. I didn't ask at what week they lost their baby (we were on largely identical TTC paths and she was about 2 weeks ahead of me), but I see them tomorrow at the movies and will see if they feel like talking about it. It broke my heart, but they told me that they are dealing OK and want to try again to get pregnant with their 2nd. Sigh.
On a separate note, we are going away for a longer weekend for Broom's birthday!
Very exciting, although I am a little worried about flying to Spain :) We will see how it goes! At least I will be busy relaxing and won't have time to fret about the ultrasound. Just have to pick up my homeopathic remedy for travel sickness, as flying tends to make me sick sometimes, and I am only guessing that it might be more magnified this time.
This week has also been one filled with mixed emotions (in pregnancy? shocker) due to news from friends. On the one hand, I was over the moon to hear that a good friend of mine is pregnant, too! On the other hand, friends of ours are unfortunately not pregnant anymore. I didn't ask at what week they lost their baby (we were on largely identical TTC paths and she was about 2 weeks ahead of me), but I see them tomorrow at the movies and will see if they feel like talking about it. It broke my heart, but they told me that they are dealing OK and want to try again to get pregnant with their 2nd. Sigh.
On a separate note, we are going away for a longer weekend for Broom's birthday!
Very exciting, although I am a little worried about flying to Spain :) We will see how it goes! At least I will be busy relaxing and won't have time to fret about the ultrasound. Just have to pick up my homeopathic remedy for travel sickness, as flying tends to make me sick sometimes, and I am only guessing that it might be more magnified this time.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sinking in
Well, it is slowly sinking in that I am pregnant- although I think that it will only truly sink in once we have a baby in our arms. I know I will feel better after our first gyno appointment on June 5th, but I am enjoying the now the best I can (ironically- it is only at night that I toss and turn with worries that have time!). The symptoms that I have been really mild so far and I am feeling great: nausea when I get too hungry or smell stinky cheese, pulling in my hips, massive bloating (belly and breasts), mild fatigue and really thirsty.
When I think about all that I did in my last cycle, I am still amazed and happy that we found the moment/combination/winning lottery ticket that did the trick:
- daily castor oil packs for about 1.5 weeks prior to the insem
- self-oil massage
- EFT-tapping and alternate nostril breathing
- omega 3-6-9 oil, coconut oil, folic acid, iron, and magnesium
- pulsatilla 5 globules 1x/day (I am not sure if that is the proper English name) which is really fitting to my constitution
- meteoreisen for the first ~3 days after the insem after which I decided it would be better for my immune system be weaker (my homeopath recommended it) to let implantation take place. I got a stuffy nose and a scratchy throat right after- which I took to be a good sign.
- after-ovulation tea
- ear acupuncture
- laughed after the insem (I probably looked crazy) and went out dancing the weekend after too (until 4am, so much fun! but of course no drinking)
- since this was our last "hurrah" I took 50mg of Clomid from cycle days 5-9, triggered with hCG 2 days before the insem, and have been on 200mg of progesterone since (the clinic wanted 600mg and I thought I didn't need that much)
I couldn't find a good pineapple, so I skipped eating pineapple core, and, well, this is the first cycle ever that I haven't spotted. The other cycle that I tried progesterone supplements on I spotted on, so I tried not to get my hopes up based on that- but it turned out to be a good sign for me!
*Please stick, baby!*
When I think about all that I did in my last cycle, I am still amazed and happy that we found the moment/combination/winning lottery ticket that did the trick:
- daily castor oil packs for about 1.5 weeks prior to the insem
- self-oil massage
- EFT-tapping and alternate nostril breathing
- omega 3-6-9 oil, coconut oil, folic acid, iron, and magnesium
- pulsatilla 5 globules 1x/day (I am not sure if that is the proper English name) which is really fitting to my constitution
- meteoreisen for the first ~3 days after the insem after which I decided it would be better for my immune system be weaker (my homeopath recommended it) to let implantation take place. I got a stuffy nose and a scratchy throat right after- which I took to be a good sign.
- after-ovulation tea
- ear acupuncture
- laughed after the insem (I probably looked crazy) and went out dancing the weekend after too (until 4am, so much fun! but of course no drinking)
- since this was our last "hurrah" I took 50mg of Clomid from cycle days 5-9, triggered with hCG 2 days before the insem, and have been on 200mg of progesterone since (the clinic wanted 600mg and I thought I didn't need that much)
I couldn't find a good pineapple, so I skipped eating pineapple core, and, well, this is the first cycle ever that I haven't spotted. The other cycle that I tried progesterone supplements on I spotted on, so I tried not to get my hopes up based on that- but it turned out to be a good sign for me!
*Please stick, baby!*
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
One week down, one week to go
A week ago tomorrow, we had what will probably be our last treatment at our existing clinic as well as our last IUI (at least on the IUI front for awhile). The visit was not spectacular, despite getting stuck in a traffic jam and my GPS stating that there were like 4 more coming up and that it would take another hour when I was 20 minutes away (I called the front desk at the clinic to let them know and they wanted to know when I would be there- I just wanted to scream- "It is a traffic jam! How the fuck should I know?" but I remained calm).
My ultrasound on Monday revealed great follicle growth and I had 2 that were 21mm and 1 that was 19mm (the 4th must have gone on vacation). That afternoon, I got a positive OPK, which isn't a bad sign for me, since I usually ovulate 2 days later. Nevertheless, I thought that this would be good information to tell the clinic, who acted like I had grown another head when I called- explaining that I was not sure if they change the protocol if you are having an LH surge on your own or not. Her (very comforting-ha!) words were "Well, we can never pinpoint ovulation 100%. But I guess I will tell the doctor that you called and we will call you if you shouldn't trigger tonight".
Soooo glad we are most likely not going back there!
After all of that, I stuck to my instructions and triggered with my hCG shot on Monday at 10pm and was there on time on Wednesday. The doctor (we got ours again) didn't seem as pushy with the IVF and I told him that if it didn't work, we would have to save up for awhile before moving forward. His "comforting" words were that he had another lesbian couple from our same city that got pregnant using IVF. When I asked him about progesterone (because I figure for the last try, why the hell not try it again?), he then told me to take 2 suppositories 3 times a day! Crazy, seeing how he doesn't have any recent blood work on me and his colleague had me take 2 suppositories at night.
Broom and I decided, that since my temperatures last time were so steady, that the dosage was fine with 2 a day as opposed to 6, and after confirming ovulation (which happened on the day I was there- woot!) had happened, I would ditch my thermometer. We don't know if I ovulated before I had the insem, or after, as I didn't have another ultrasound (fine by my book), but it didn't stop them from trying to bill me for it!
All in all, I am feeling good, oddly freed of the mismanagement and horrible treatment from our clinic. As I left, my long skirt and flowy top were swaying in the wind and I was humming, smiling, and giggling. I must have looked like a crazy woman- but I felt like we have reclaimed this process by making the decision to switch to somewhere that has service- and that feels good despite all of the sadness along the way.
It is my body, and we are deciding how it gets treated and by whom.
My ultrasound on Monday revealed great follicle growth and I had 2 that were 21mm and 1 that was 19mm (the 4th must have gone on vacation). That afternoon, I got a positive OPK, which isn't a bad sign for me, since I usually ovulate 2 days later. Nevertheless, I thought that this would be good information to tell the clinic, who acted like I had grown another head when I called- explaining that I was not sure if they change the protocol if you are having an LH surge on your own or not. Her (very comforting-ha!) words were "Well, we can never pinpoint ovulation 100%. But I guess I will tell the doctor that you called and we will call you if you shouldn't trigger tonight".
Soooo glad we are most likely not going back there!
After all of that, I stuck to my instructions and triggered with my hCG shot on Monday at 10pm and was there on time on Wednesday. The doctor (we got ours again) didn't seem as pushy with the IVF and I told him that if it didn't work, we would have to save up for awhile before moving forward. His "comforting" words were that he had another lesbian couple from our same city that got pregnant using IVF. When I asked him about progesterone (because I figure for the last try, why the hell not try it again?), he then told me to take 2 suppositories 3 times a day! Crazy, seeing how he doesn't have any recent blood work on me and his colleague had me take 2 suppositories at night.
Broom and I decided, that since my temperatures last time were so steady, that the dosage was fine with 2 a day as opposed to 6, and after confirming ovulation (which happened on the day I was there- woot!) had happened, I would ditch my thermometer. We don't know if I ovulated before I had the insem, or after, as I didn't have another ultrasound (fine by my book), but it didn't stop them from trying to bill me for it!
All in all, I am feeling good, oddly freed of the mismanagement and horrible treatment from our clinic. As I left, my long skirt and flowy top were swaying in the wind and I was humming, smiling, and giggling. I must have looked like a crazy woman- but I felt like we have reclaimed this process by making the decision to switch to somewhere that has service- and that feels good despite all of the sadness along the way.
It is my body, and we are deciding how it gets treated and by whom.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Last, but not least
On Friday, I got my follicles measured after being on clomid again from cycle days 5-9. My super-nice gyn said "Those look great! It has really got to work this time!" Turns out I reacted quite well and had 4 follicles, (2x 15mm, 1 14mm, 1 13mm). The clinic told me to go for another ultrasound on Monday and that I would likely have an insem on Wednesday.
Broom and I made the hard decision that this IUI will be our last due to frustrations with our clinic and the fact that the probability of us getting pregnant with IUI won't be going up with additional tries. We would rather put our money into IVF if this next try doesn't work due to the increased success rates.
It isn't easy setting such a limit for us, and I have to fight back the guilt and shame accompanied with it. Some days, it is easier than others- and I am trying not to get my hopes up too much for this next try. Luckily, I also know that my gyn is trying to support us the best she can and said it would be no problem to write me off sick for IVF.
Regardless of how the next try goes, we will most likely be dealing with at least an egg retrieval in our near-ish future, since Broom is seriously considering harvesting her eggs for use in me at some point. We are currently researching foreign clinics since egg donation isn't allowed in Germany. Only time will tell if they would even consider implanting the eggs into me (if we went this route, we would both harvest at the same time and use the same donor to make all of the embryos that we would use and freeze at once and possibly use a mixture of her and my eggs in one cycle).
If/when we start steps for that, we will probably have to take at least a 3 month break in order to save up for the process. It is a daunting sum of money, but I know it will all be worth it. Broom would like to save up longer- but waiting makes me uneasy since I feel like our dream is stagnant.
We will just have to see what the next few weeks bring.
Broom and I made the hard decision that this IUI will be our last due to frustrations with our clinic and the fact that the probability of us getting pregnant with IUI won't be going up with additional tries. We would rather put our money into IVF if this next try doesn't work due to the increased success rates.
It isn't easy setting such a limit for us, and I have to fight back the guilt and shame accompanied with it. Some days, it is easier than others- and I am trying not to get my hopes up too much for this next try. Luckily, I also know that my gyn is trying to support us the best she can and said it would be no problem to write me off sick for IVF.
Regardless of how the next try goes, we will most likely be dealing with at least an egg retrieval in our near-ish future, since Broom is seriously considering harvesting her eggs for use in me at some point. We are currently researching foreign clinics since egg donation isn't allowed in Germany. Only time will tell if they would even consider implanting the eggs into me (if we went this route, we would both harvest at the same time and use the same donor to make all of the embryos that we would use and freeze at once and possibly use a mixture of her and my eggs in one cycle).
If/when we start steps for that, we will probably have to take at least a 3 month break in order to save up for the process. It is a daunting sum of money, but I know it will all be worth it. Broom would like to save up longer- but waiting makes me uneasy since I feel like our dream is stagnant.
We will just have to see what the next few weeks bring.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Frustrations
Our weekend away was glorious! The drive there was a little complicated due to some Windows-screensaver-like scattered snow showers, but it was sooo worth it! Luckily, everything was like it was described on the website, and we were welcomed on to a small farm owned by two lovely women and a warm fireplace in a cozy room- right above the horse stalls (it was extremely well insulated, and you could barely hear, let alone smell the horses in the apartment we were in). We were able to spend time with their animals, ride horses, and explore the nearby villiages. Although it was cold, we were able to get a fair amount of fresh air in before not being able to feel our extremities. Lots of cooking, napping, and relaxing in front of the fire was had.
This was all very nice, since on Thursday, before I needed to leave to get my blood pregnancy test, I started spotting. It wasn't consistent, so I went anyway, and on Friday, right before I went riding, it was confirmed that try number 3 (we don't count the first 2 where my Thyroid wasn't OK) was a bust.
Although it is "only" try number 3, we have had the emotional and financial strains of the other 2 tries, and I was dealing fine until we got home. Last night I broke down sobbing in the bathtub, feeling like those tests will never be positive for us. I know it is silly, but that is how it makes me feel after I know that I did everything I could and it still didn't work- 13 years of learning Catholic guilt in school doesn't go away quickly, even though I know I am doing my best.
Equally upsetting was getting the confirmation of what I suspected- that the next cycle will probably have to be another forced break because German holidays trump everything (even ovulation, which you of course cannot plan). I just feel like we are not being taken seriously at all, and are viewed as a cash cow- especially since when I wrote the clinic to ask if they were open over the Easter weekend, I also asked the doctor if he would like to look at my charts (he has always ignored the fact that I chart), and this question was completely ignored.
So, I have typed up ALLL of my questions (including when they recommend IVF and the costs) and am going to go over it with Broom and request a telephone appointment with our doctor so that we can talk about how we should continue our treatment. We are also going to see if there are other nearby clinics who might- due to the changing political climate- be willing to treat us. I am tired of spending money with people who don't respect us enough to answer our questions.
I'm going to let myself be sad, angry, and depressed for a little longer, and then I just need to keep on repeating to myself: "We will have a baby."
This was all very nice, since on Thursday, before I needed to leave to get my blood pregnancy test, I started spotting. It wasn't consistent, so I went anyway, and on Friday, right before I went riding, it was confirmed that try number 3 (we don't count the first 2 where my Thyroid wasn't OK) was a bust.
Although it is "only" try number 3, we have had the emotional and financial strains of the other 2 tries, and I was dealing fine until we got home. Last night I broke down sobbing in the bathtub, feeling like those tests will never be positive for us. I know it is silly, but that is how it makes me feel after I know that I did everything I could and it still didn't work- 13 years of learning Catholic guilt in school doesn't go away quickly, even though I know I am doing my best.
Equally upsetting was getting the confirmation of what I suspected- that the next cycle will probably have to be another forced break because German holidays trump everything (even ovulation, which you of course cannot plan). I just feel like we are not being taken seriously at all, and are viewed as a cash cow- especially since when I wrote the clinic to ask if they were open over the Easter weekend, I also asked the doctor if he would like to look at my charts (he has always ignored the fact that I chart), and this question was completely ignored.
So, I have typed up ALLL of my questions (including when they recommend IVF and the costs) and am going to go over it with Broom and request a telephone appointment with our doctor so that we can talk about how we should continue our treatment. We are also going to see if there are other nearby clinics who might- due to the changing political climate- be willing to treat us. I am tired of spending money with people who don't respect us enough to answer our questions.
I'm going to let myself be sad, angry, and depressed for a little longer, and then I just need to keep on repeating to myself: "We will have a baby."
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wake up call
Today I ran some overtime statistics and realized, that for the month of February, that I worked the highest average number of hours per day than anyone else who punches a clock in Germany (which most people here do, as there is a working hours law that requires employers and employees to have a record of the number of hours worked.
This was hard for me to see. I don't want to be doing as much overtime as I have been, but I am worried about letting my boss down, who I really like as a boss, and as a "friend" (I dunno if we could call it that, but it feels like that to me). I don't want to be that person- because no matter what you might think- no one gives a shit about your overtime or "all the work you've done for the company". Really. They don't care. Once you are gone, you are gone and the work will either be taken over by someone else or not. And the clock still keeps on ticking.
Getting pregnant and having a baby with Broom is my highest priority right now. I've given up coffee, alcohol, and vigorous physical exercise until we know for sure how this cycle turns out, and then there is a small window for wine and the cross trainer before it starts again. My overtime is the other part where I just need to.let.it.go. It's not like I'm saving lives! So, I'm giving up feeling like I need to be able to do everything, because I can't- and work is where I need to start cutting down. Starting Monday, I am going to try and not work any more that 9.5 hours a day. It's still not perfect- but it would be a big baby step (pun intended).
On that note, I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and my endometrium was up to a perfect 11mm and I had 2 follicles, on 15mm and the other 18mm (multiple smaller follicles on the other side). We triggered yesterday (still have yet to break the ampule for the mixing liquid without it at least partially shattering), and yesterday (before the trigger) I had another 2 glaringly positive OPKs. Today I had ovulation like pains around 2:30pm and tomorrow I need to be at the clinic at 10:15 for a 10:45 insem.
So, this timing could still be really good, although I have no idea what to think since hCG can increase your temp, and mine was slightly up. We will see in two weeks, I guess.
Happy Friday, people!
This was hard for me to see. I don't want to be doing as much overtime as I have been, but I am worried about letting my boss down, who I really like as a boss, and as a "friend" (I dunno if we could call it that, but it feels like that to me). I don't want to be that person- because no matter what you might think- no one gives a shit about your overtime or "all the work you've done for the company". Really. They don't care. Once you are gone, you are gone and the work will either be taken over by someone else or not. And the clock still keeps on ticking.
Getting pregnant and having a baby with Broom is my highest priority right now. I've given up coffee, alcohol, and vigorous physical exercise until we know for sure how this cycle turns out, and then there is a small window for wine and the cross trainer before it starts again. My overtime is the other part where I just need to.let.it.go. It's not like I'm saving lives! So, I'm giving up feeling like I need to be able to do everything, because I can't- and work is where I need to start cutting down. Starting Monday, I am going to try and not work any more that 9.5 hours a day. It's still not perfect- but it would be a big baby step (pun intended).
On that note, I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and my endometrium was up to a perfect 11mm and I had 2 follicles, on 15mm and the other 18mm (multiple smaller follicles on the other side). We triggered yesterday (still have yet to break the ampule for the mixing liquid without it at least partially shattering), and yesterday (before the trigger) I had another 2 glaringly positive OPKs. Today I had ovulation like pains around 2:30pm and tomorrow I need to be at the clinic at 10:15 for a 10:45 insem.
So, this timing could still be really good, although I have no idea what to think since hCG can increase your temp, and mine was slightly up. We will see in two weeks, I guess.
Happy Friday, people!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Waiting with a side of more waiting
Yesterday I got my thyroid results, and everything was normal (1 result was in the high range of normal, but I'll take it!). Woohoo! Was so nervous about something possibly being wrong that I couldn't sleep well the night before.
That afternoon I had another shot to strengthen my ovaries (probably my last, my natural healer checked with the company that makes the medicine and they said that any interference is unlikely, but they would still recommend no shot after an insem), and then I got my follicles measured.
As always, predicting ovulation is really hard. And, it turns out, my follicles weren't as big as I had expected. The biggest was 11.6mm with multiple between 8-9mm on the other side and an endometrium of 9.6mm. So, altogether positive, but probably points to ovulation on Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I called the clinic today, and they want me to get another ultrasound tomorrow, and luckily I got an appointment first thing in the morning.
To throw everything through a loop, I got a +OPK today at 10am after a 2 hour hold. No idea what to think now....but I am leaning towards Thurs / Fri anyway, and I am not sure if I still want to trigger or not since my hormones are already surging on their own. I guess I will tell the clinic tomorrow and see what they say, although I don't think they care. My gyno encouraged me to talk to them about my unhappiness with their service, but I told her that I am too nervous that they will refuse us service.
*Sigh* sometimes I feel like all of my doctors, and myself are all just guessing.
Keep your fingers crossed for a good measurement tomorrow!
That afternoon I had another shot to strengthen my ovaries (probably my last, my natural healer checked with the company that makes the medicine and they said that any interference is unlikely, but they would still recommend no shot after an insem), and then I got my follicles measured.
As always, predicting ovulation is really hard. And, it turns out, my follicles weren't as big as I had expected. The biggest was 11.6mm with multiple between 8-9mm on the other side and an endometrium of 9.6mm. So, altogether positive, but probably points to ovulation on Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I called the clinic today, and they want me to get another ultrasound tomorrow, and luckily I got an appointment first thing in the morning.
To throw everything through a loop, I got a +OPK today at 10am after a 2 hour hold. No idea what to think now....but I am leaning towards Thurs / Fri anyway, and I am not sure if I still want to trigger or not since my hormones are already surging on their own. I guess I will tell the clinic tomorrow and see what they say, although I don't think they care. My gyno encouraged me to talk to them about my unhappiness with their service, but I told her that I am too nervous that they will refuse us service.
*Sigh* sometimes I feel like all of my doctors, and myself are all just guessing.
Keep your fingers crossed for a good measurement tomorrow!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Is it Monday yet?
I know, I know, no one likes Mondays.
But next Monday, I find out if my Thyroid is still ok, and what my follicles look like (and, if everything goes OK, I will get an appointment from the fertility clinic. And no, they did not answer my question regarding other possible vacation times where we wouldn't be able to have an insem- I mean, that would be something close to customer service, right?).
Keep everything crossed that we will get a green light on all fronts. I really don't like all of these forced pauses. I counted, and between now and when I want to go to the US for training for work and vacation are 5 tries. Statistically, we could be pregnant by the next time I go home. However, if there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process is that you can't predict shit. April will be the anniversary of our 1st insem, and if we can insem next week, it will only be our 5th actual, and since we have decided not to count the 1st two, it is really our 3rd.
Aside from regular gym visits, increasing which foods we buy from local sources and / or organic, eating organic, full-fat dairy (OMG, it tastes so good- why are so many American families afraid of full-fat dairy?!? And, I feel great when I eat it, and have lost a few pounds), taking my vitamins (iron, folic acid with B6, Magnesium, and omega 3-6-9 oil), and meditating- I haven't been doing much. (HA) Oh, and those cycle-regulating shots and drops- the last of which are next week. Since I started my homeopathic treatment, I ovulated for the first time in over a year on cycle day 14, and had a 28 day cycle. I still spotted beforehand and didn't have a very long period (3 days, not counting the spotting), but baby steps here- in every sense of the word.
I'm feeling good and whole though, which counts for a lot in my book.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
But next Monday, I find out if my Thyroid is still ok, and what my follicles look like (and, if everything goes OK, I will get an appointment from the fertility clinic. And no, they did not answer my question regarding other possible vacation times where we wouldn't be able to have an insem- I mean, that would be something close to customer service, right?).
Keep everything crossed that we will get a green light on all fronts. I really don't like all of these forced pauses. I counted, and between now and when I want to go to the US for training for work and vacation are 5 tries. Statistically, we could be pregnant by the next time I go home. However, if there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process is that you can't predict shit. April will be the anniversary of our 1st insem, and if we can insem next week, it will only be our 5th actual, and since we have decided not to count the 1st two, it is really our 3rd.
Aside from regular gym visits, increasing which foods we buy from local sources and / or organic, eating organic, full-fat dairy (OMG, it tastes so good- why are so many American families afraid of full-fat dairy?!? And, I feel great when I eat it, and have lost a few pounds), taking my vitamins (iron, folic acid with B6, Magnesium, and omega 3-6-9 oil), and meditating- I haven't been doing much. (HA) Oh, and those cycle-regulating shots and drops- the last of which are next week. Since I started my homeopathic treatment, I ovulated for the first time in over a year on cycle day 14, and had a 28 day cycle. I still spotted beforehand and didn't have a very long period (3 days, not counting the spotting), but baby steps here- in every sense of the word.
I'm feeling good and whole though, which counts for a lot in my book.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
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