Centering

As you may have guessed, my lack of posting could really only mean one thing- either it worked and I am preoccupied with being pregnant, or it didn't and I am preoccupied with the fact that I am not.

I regret to say it is the latter, although I feel like Broom and I are dealing with it OK. However,  my body wasn't in a place to give me clear signals- either because it was affected by the hormones that I took to support the whole process, or because I might actually have been pregnant for a hot minute. It took a hospital visit to make me feel better, since I was cramping weirdly. But the doctor was considerate and gentle, and took our feelings and fears into consideration. What a change from the insemination itself!

I have been meditating on it (my new goal is to meditate 20 minutes a day) and know that my body truly knows what it is doing. I have also been visualising the whole process and apologizing/explaining to my body what the chemicals are for. After it works, I will do my best to let my body deal with whatever comes our way naturally, but for now, I do agree with why we are using them.  I am already on the hormones again, and the date that we will have to take our drive will be determined on Thursday after my local dr. measures my follicles. Most likely on Sunday or Monday we will have to make another trip. I am looking forward to using some techniques I have read about online to distract me from the two-week wait, as it easily causes me to obsess. In fact, since we will be doing 3 hCG shots, we will have to wait 3 days past the two-week time period to test, but hopefully it goes by fast.

Through the meditation, sewing, cooking, reading, movie watching, and exercise, I hope to make my work stress a little less and distract myself without stressing about stressing (sounds complicated, but trust me- it isn't).

So, virtual world, if you could spare a few positive thoughts in the general direction of my reproductive organs, then we would greatly appreciate it. I don't know how couples that do this for years deal, it is super hard, but I trust in my body, this process, our relationship, and the fact that the world does need another "homo baby" to two fully committed women who can't wait to love and raise a child.