Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Back to the Grind

Hey there, virtual (and I suppose, somewhere, real as well) people!

I'm back from by "buscation" and it is good to be home. It really is where the heart is. I often still refer to where I was born and raised to "home", but it isn't really. It is that super-familiar place where you know where the spoons, toilet paper, and junk food are, but still feel like a guest in some aspect.

My business part of my trip went by quickly enough, which helped! Got a lot done in the office and even saw an old dear friend and her family before telling everyone that would listen (and some who would have rather not listened) that I would only be reachable for emergencies and my business email could go fuck itself. It was a great decision!

I got in lots of baby holding time and got to see lots of family. The few friends I still have in and around where I grew up even took off work to see me, which made me feel really special and was great fun. I often have trouble feeling like I don't do enough or relax enough while I am there, or like I don't see enough people- which can make it hard to call it vacation. This time was harder than usual, I missed Broom a lot and really felt out of it although I had a good time.

The reason behind it was clear when I was back in the Schland and had some routine blood work scheduled for right when I got back. Turns out my thyroid is messed up again, which explains by low basal temperature, my anxiety, and generally being off. I've been on meds for hypothyroidism (not enough) for almost 2 years now and they upped my dosage for the baby making.

Now that it is off again, we have decided to wait to try again until it is OK. A hard, but good decision, although I wish I could say I dealt OK with it- but it felt like breaking. I have to reassure myself that it is OK to feel that way and fine to be so emotional about it, especially since my emotions are off right now and will be until my body absorbs the extra medicine which could take two weeks. With this and the lovely cold I brought back from the US of A, I am exhausted and practicing being patient with myself.

Nevertheless, it is good to be home and even better to have Broom to go through this stuff with. I just know she will get a job that isn't shite, and we will get pregnant; but both of those important life steps have their own time lines- and cannot be rushed.

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