Baby Steps

After careful consideration, Broom and I have decided to throw over-cautiousness to the wind and go ahead and start the steps towards trying to conceive.

So, we have been trying to get a notary to notarize our contract with the sperm bank that we will be using- which has turned out to be a tick more complicated than we had anticipated. The one I picked out of google flipped the hell out and said parts of it were not kosher. However, after some legal consul, we realize that he was just overreacting. But, we are still left with the problem of finding a notary who will do it- which probably means going to the one the sperm bank recommended to us, which is about an hour and a half away.

However, after we do that, and hand them over some cash, we are OK to start!
It is kind of scary and relieving at the same time, to finally be working towards our goal of a family.
With all of the uncertainty we have both had professionally lately, it is nice to know that we at least have the control in this aspect of our lives.

Here is to sending positive vibes to my ovaries!

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Having been brought up Catholic, Easter used to be a pretty Big Deal.

Now, I am not sure what I believe, exactly, and I think that is just foin by me, there is no rush to put limits on the framework of beliefs I have. I no longer have a need to "pin it down" and find real solace in Biodanza and the connection I have with those in my group.

Good thing I was able to eat some Kinder Eggs yesterday, because I woke up this morning with that yucky rumble that means you need to worship the porcelean Gods- and quick!
Needless to say, I've been under the weather since and trying to get used to food again slowly!

Luckily, Broom has been helpful with tea and other snacks to test the "waters" of my empty stomach.

But, hey, at least my day isn't going as badly as this cameraman's is!

At least I only ruined my own Easter (and maybe Broom's) by being sick, right?

I can only imagine that he had to throw away his shoes afterwards... Too bad bunny body guards don't exist...

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Politics

Sometimes I have a real problem understanding how things work in our society, and wonder if it wouldn't indeed be easier if we all insisted on a work/life balance and honesty.

To not lead a family on who is open about the fact that they would love to grow, but have had a setback on the job front. To not expect limitless numbers of overtime for the good of the company who won't appreciate it anyway, especially not if you don't take work home.

This is a game I really don't want to play, I left the political commercials at home (one great benefit of being an expat), and life really is way to short to kill myself with work for a job that isn't even helping people or producing something that saves lives- it really isn't a life-changer if another widget isn't produced, is it?

This leads me back to the whole "What do I want to be when I grow up?!?" topic. A part of me is pretty sure that I will never really know.  But one thing is for sure, once I pay off the education that got me here, I will be looking for a job where the overtime makes a difference and getting THAT widget off the production line really maters. For an added bonus, it would be excellent to have management that doesn't belittle the work you do put in, or make half-assed decisions that no one understands. But that might be asking for too much.

Politics are unfortunately everywhere.

Biodanza

I have recently taken up Biodanza.

At first, I knew absolutely nothing about it, although its description from the invitation from an international group I am in sounded pretty "hippie".
But for some reason, it sounded like something I had to do.

Completely unlike me, I didn't even Google it first, I just showed up! (I googled only later :) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biodanza)
Automatically I was greeted with hugs from most, more relaxed handshakes from others.
It felt like they wanted to really get to know me from the first moment onwards- something that isn't common in German culture.
It usually takes awhile to get people to warm up to you- and it certainly isn't a given.

The introduction our teacher gave (in English too, as one of our group can't speak German) had me a little worried, even more so than when I realized that we were going to be dancing barefoot!
But the dances- however unexpected and "unusual" seemed to release all of my work stress and let me concentrate on me and letting the movements be me and bond with other people in the group.

In short, I am now a Biodanza junkie!
I haven't had such a cozy group feeling- like people really take me as I am- since my years in the youth group back in the US.
Only after attending did I realize how I truly missed this closeness that comes so quickly in American friendships- but this is something that doesn't feel like it will fade overnight as those quick "BFF" American moment sometimes do.

I think next time I will tell the group again how much their openness and true care has helped me feel even more at home here, even after so many years and adaptations to the culture.
In the past few weeks, I really feel like it is this and Broom that has kept me from giving in to the Burnout symptoms I've been having and put everything in perspective.

Thank goodness for whims!

6 Years and 4 days ago...

....I walked out of a train and met up with the tutor that had been assigned to me during my study abroad period. We had been writing one another and I was sure to bother her about what dorm I was assigned to pretty much every day.

I still have that first email.

"my name is Broom and I am a student at the university of X". Where she went on to explain that she would be responsible for me while I was there- to show me how things worked there, etc.

Little did we know, that we would fall in love (I know what you are thinking, I was the initiator, though- Broom was clueless to my crush.).

Years later I found out that I wasn't the 1st choice for the scholarship that brought me to that German university town- the first place winner declined and Broom was assigned to take care of me after requesting someone she could practice her English with.

The rest, you could say, is history!

Here is to many more annaversaries of the day we met and many more wedding annaversaries too!!

Balance

Lately, I have been struggling to find a balance in life.

Not concentrating too much on work can be hard, considering how much overtime I've been putting in. I feel like I have been fighting to defend my job, and a part of me wonders if it is even worth the trouble.

I've told myself I will only keep up this number of overtime hours until the end of the month- then I need to get my work life and my personal life balanced out again. I can defend until then, then I need to put my foot down. But, due to the "fight" I am worried that if I show weakness, I will have lost before the bell. But how important is this, anyway?

No one is going to thank you for killing yourself at work- and I've practically lost the "fight" already- merely because of my age. Apparently being in your late 20's is too young for HR in Germany (or at least in my current company, since I've gotten contacted by headhunters lately).

I have to concentrate more on the bigger goal- staying happy, healthy, and balanced.

And- as soon as Broom has more job clarity, we are starting insemination & then I will be off for a year and a half anyways.

So- in the immortal words of South Park (thank God I can't remember which character used to say this) "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

My life is more important than tipping the scales on what is balanced and what isn't. I believe I can have a successful career, and a life.

An Ode to my Auto

Dear Auto,

I still have faith in you.

You are my fanciest car by far, and it is great that Broom and I are financing you (even though she can't yet drive). In about a year and a half, you will truly be ours!

That being said, WTF, mate?

First, slippery salesman fails to mention that you need a new transmission. But we get an appointment quickly to get this done. However, the first one is broken, and the second one spends more time on its way from Italy than planned (I am convinced it took a vacation on the way), so the mechanics had the car for a total of 2 months.

About a month afterwards, my mechanic discovers a bunch of rust they covered up with paint. Then the check engine light comes on, which two other mechanics delete since they can't figure out why you are on.

Then the battery dies.
And someone else deletes the light.
And the check engine light comes on again before I've even left the parking lot with my new battery.

Valve replaced, light gone!
Success!

Five days later, when the artic front here keeps the temperature at around 7 F or -11 C, you don't start.

And the ADAC's lines were busy for four hours last night. So, I am waiting on a ride to work and debating when to try and get you fixed and WTF is wrong?!? You can tell me, I have faith in you!!!

So, get better soon, mkay?
I'd love to be able to rely on you more and even expand our bonding and give you an Auto name (I was thinking Roma, but I haven't checked with Broom yet- and this is a big decision!), but I really need you to pull through for us.

Love,
Quatsch & Broom