...Germany has a lot of interesting programs, including awesome parental leave. I saved two weeks of my (cough, 30 days) of vacation to take before the almost mandatory off-time for moms 6 weeks before the due date, and 8 weeks after. After this time ends, there is a somewhat-complicated program where the parents can take time off. I am taking 12 months, and Broom is taking 2. We still get between 65 and 67% of our previous salaries, which makes this feasible. Exciting and weird to be off for so long, although I am proud to say that I didn't have a problem leaving work behind.
The first week off, I had doctor's appointments and then we went away to the Baltic Sea for 4 nights, which was loverly. Daily walks on the beach and bubble baths were just the thing! I do notice though, that baby is in "start" position with his or her head already quite low in my pelvis. The daily movement has been good though.
Currently, I am working on sewing cloth baby wipes and burp cloths (my MIL is dating a laundromat owner, so we had waaay too many towels, so I cut them up based on our needs and am just finishing the edges). Other projects I want to do are: a blanket / duvet for the stroller, a collage out of cloth for Shrimpy's room, and a cover for the changing table extender we are making.
Feeling like things are coming together, but will feel better once everything is as in order as it can be (including the mountains of paperwork we are going to have to do since we don't have all rights and the whole bi national issue, *sigh*).
From the health perspective, it looks like the gestational diabetes thing really was just a fluke. I still have to test sporadically for the next 2-3 weeks, but everything has been fine. My gyno thought I might have a UTI, but didn't say anything since I brought in morning urine, so I would guess that things are fine there. She just said last time that she wants to use the fetal heartbeat monitor every two weeks starting next week, and I was too much in a tizzy to ask why, so I am going to do so and am thinking of declining since baby doesn't like being monitored. Also, she now seems worried about the polyp-y thing on my cervix, although she already said it shouldn't pose any problems for birth. She talked about sending me to a specialist/asking a colleague for advice.
Needless to say, this was one of those visits where I got overwhelmed and didn't ask enough questions here, so I wrote them down for next time. As far as I am concerned, as long as my cervix can still open, I am still planning to go to the birthing house (and the midwives are super-calm). If she is concerned about it being cancerous, then she should swab it for testing, and we can deal with the results after Shrimpy is here if we have to. I told my mom about me being a little worried that that was what she was getting at, and she waved it away (surprise!), so we will see.
I will probably run everything past my midwife before my gyno appointment and go from there.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating tomorrow!
Showing posts with label queer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label queer. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Getting Serious
After seeing on my FertilityFriend pregnancy countdown that I have entered the 6th (of 10) months, and the viability timeframe starting this week, I finally feel like we need to start getting serious with making room for baby.
Our appointment at the birthing house was wonderful, and we are both now sure that we want to have Shrimpy there. They do the following things that made it a no-brainer for us:
- Cord cutting after the placenta has been birthed
- They leave the baby with us, doing any weighing, etc. in the bed with us- but only after the first latch and breastfeeding session
- Baby is not washed, and they encourage rubbing in the vernix to moisturize
- Vitamin K is only given for births where they feel that some trauma might have been experienced- and then only in drop form- usually a homeopathic alternative is only recommended occasionally.
- Cervical checks and all other interventions are only done with permission- save for emergencies, of course.
So, we are only doing the "bigger checks" that include testing for gestational diabetes as well as ultrasounds with the doctor, the rest is done by the midwives at the birthing house. Our last ultrasound went great, all organs and everything were normal- the only thing we couldn't check were the 4 heart chambers, as Shrimpy (whose sex will remain a surprise) was mooning us.
Now, this was the cutest butt EVER, but we couldn't see the heart- so we are going back tomorrow for that, and combining it with my diabetes test. I am excited that they are checking up on it, and hopefully baby will have a good position for a picture for us :)
So, slowly but surely, I am going to start taking inventory of the things we have, so that we can see what we still need to get, and soon, we will be picking out a few pieces of furniture.
One thing is sure though, the most important things are already in place!
Our appointment at the birthing house was wonderful, and we are both now sure that we want to have Shrimpy there. They do the following things that made it a no-brainer for us:
- Cord cutting after the placenta has been birthed
- They leave the baby with us, doing any weighing, etc. in the bed with us- but only after the first latch and breastfeeding session
- Baby is not washed, and they encourage rubbing in the vernix to moisturize
- Vitamin K is only given for births where they feel that some trauma might have been experienced- and then only in drop form- usually a homeopathic alternative is only recommended occasionally.
- Cervical checks and all other interventions are only done with permission- save for emergencies, of course.
So, we are only doing the "bigger checks" that include testing for gestational diabetes as well as ultrasounds with the doctor, the rest is done by the midwives at the birthing house. Our last ultrasound went great, all organs and everything were normal- the only thing we couldn't check were the 4 heart chambers, as Shrimpy (whose sex will remain a surprise) was mooning us.
Now, this was the cutest butt EVER, but we couldn't see the heart- so we are going back tomorrow for that, and combining it with my diabetes test. I am excited that they are checking up on it, and hopefully baby will have a good position for a picture for us :)
So, slowly but surely, I am going to start taking inventory of the things we have, so that we can see what we still need to get, and soon, we will be picking out a few pieces of furniture.
One thing is sure though, the most important things are already in place!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Back to the grind & TMI pregnancy symptoms
So, I've been back at work for about a week and a half now- and I have heard nothing but congratulations and questions about how I am doing, etc. Some people might be avoiding me (but it is hard to tell), but if so, then at least if there has been anything, it's been really subtle. So, all in all, I am a lucky woman!
It is hard to believe that I only have a bit more to go- November will be here, and I will be on maternity leave before I know it! Hopefully, the person we made an offer to regarding being my replacement will sign and that I will be one less worry- as they would start in September, giving me plenty of time to get someone up to speed. Once that happens, I can breathe a little more easily.
Now that I am home, Broom and I are purging a bunch of stuff and gradually trying to work on Shrimpy's room- once we have more space in the room, I will feel a whole lot better! Luckily, I am not worrying too much about it- yet.
Excitingly, our midwife appointment on Friday went swimmingly, and every time I have felt the need to hear the heartbeat for a little bit, I have been able to find it no problem. I am even pretty darn sure I have felt some kicks and moves, and am excited about when they get even more distinctive :) My weight gain has been really gradual, with a total gain (as of Friday) between 3 and 4 kilos.
***Start TMI part (Please skip if not your thing! It is me being completely honest about symptoms!)***
My symptoms are still pretty mild (and I love knowing the why behind them, I find it fascinating), but have included stuff like: dizziness, nausea, fatigue, increased CM & nasal mucous, puffy nipples, headaches, gas, irregular BMs, burping/hiccups, and heartburn. Also, my inner thighs have been hurting like I have been working out (although I hadn't been), but actually working out made that sooo much better. So, many symptoms that are quite common, and a few I had never heard about- but it is all good, as my body is doing what it needs to do!
***End TMI part****
All in all, I am persevering in my mindset that making a baby is a beautiful, beautiful thing- even if some of the symptoms aren't sexy- what we women can do, and how our bodies can grow, stretch, and adapt is just completely mind blowing and amazing, and I am loving this experience. When I look down at my growing bump, I just get so overwhelmed with joy- and Broom and I are really enjoying this time together, which I love! I have just been overcome with a sense of calm and contentedness- I am one very happy Mommy. :)
It is hard to believe that I only have a bit more to go- November will be here, and I will be on maternity leave before I know it! Hopefully, the person we made an offer to regarding being my replacement will sign and that I will be one less worry- as they would start in September, giving me plenty of time to get someone up to speed. Once that happens, I can breathe a little more easily.
Now that I am home, Broom and I are purging a bunch of stuff and gradually trying to work on Shrimpy's room- once we have more space in the room, I will feel a whole lot better! Luckily, I am not worrying too much about it- yet.
Excitingly, our midwife appointment on Friday went swimmingly, and every time I have felt the need to hear the heartbeat for a little bit, I have been able to find it no problem. I am even pretty darn sure I have felt some kicks and moves, and am excited about when they get even more distinctive :) My weight gain has been really gradual, with a total gain (as of Friday) between 3 and 4 kilos.
***Start TMI part (Please skip if not your thing! It is me being completely honest about symptoms!)***
My symptoms are still pretty mild (and I love knowing the why behind them, I find it fascinating), but have included stuff like: dizziness, nausea, fatigue, increased CM & nasal mucous, puffy nipples, headaches, gas, irregular BMs, burping/hiccups, and heartburn. Also, my inner thighs have been hurting like I have been working out (although I hadn't been), but actually working out made that sooo much better. So, many symptoms that are quite common, and a few I had never heard about- but it is all good, as my body is doing what it needs to do!
***End TMI part****
All in all, I am persevering in my mindset that making a baby is a beautiful, beautiful thing- even if some of the symptoms aren't sexy- what we women can do, and how our bodies can grow, stretch, and adapt is just completely mind blowing and amazing, and I am loving this experience. When I look down at my growing bump, I just get so overwhelmed with joy- and Broom and I are really enjoying this time together, which I love! I have just been overcome with a sense of calm and contentedness- I am one very happy Mommy. :)
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Awesomeness all around
Vacation was busy and still relaxing at the same time!
I really loved seeing everyone and spending time with them while sleeping in and just being.
The city that we visited with my mom and sister was really awesome. It has a real European feel, and everything that we are looking for in a place to live: health care, public transportation, culture, and a body of water. It is more expensive than what we are used to now for cost of living, but salaries would be higher too. We will be using materials we gathered to estimate how much we would need to move and how much we would need to earn to make it plausible to live there. If we do decide to go through with it, it is more like a 5+ year plan, but it is good to really consider it- although the coolness of Europe and the proximity to other countries would be really hard to give up.
Spending time in my hometown was great- some friends and I got together and had an excellent evening together, and telling my family about Shrimpy at the reunion was great fun! As sweet as they are, none of them wanted to assume that I was pregnant in case I had just put on weight! Despite the health problems my family is facing (an aunt and uncle of mine are both battling stage 4 cancer, another uncle was in a massive car accident that made him, at least for now, a quadriplegic, and my mom's ex had a bladder blockage that they are currently testing for cancer), we were still a rather upbeat group- and I know that we really support one another in hard times like these.
This week I am at my work's American headquarters and catching up on everything that happened while I was on vacation and working on projects. We are also doing interviews for my position, which is exciting and filled with lots of hope and expectations. There have been a lot of comments made about it being hard to replace me and the value of my position which makes me feel really good.
My coworkers here also threw me an early baby shower (since I won't be back until post baby)! It was something they brought up right after I announced it to them, and I am just overwhelmed by kindness and acceptance. They have given our growing family such thoughtful gifts and I can't wait to show Broom all of the nice things that we have received.
Today I also got to meet up with a good friend of mine and her family for breakfast. My delayed flight on Sunday made that meet-up impossible, but we made breakfast work, and they even picked me up from my hotel and dropped me off at work so that we would have the most time possible to visit with one another. She is also expecting, and we are exactly two weeks apart- it is so lovely to be going though this "together" (at least virtually!) and it was great to see them and catch up- although there is never enough time! (Thank you! And thank you for breakfast!)
I can't wait to get home and back to our apartment, and I can't help but be extremely grateful for everything right now- even with the medical hardships in my family, the network behind us all is amazingly awesome!
I really loved seeing everyone and spending time with them while sleeping in and just being.
The city that we visited with my mom and sister was really awesome. It has a real European feel, and everything that we are looking for in a place to live: health care, public transportation, culture, and a body of water. It is more expensive than what we are used to now for cost of living, but salaries would be higher too. We will be using materials we gathered to estimate how much we would need to move and how much we would need to earn to make it plausible to live there. If we do decide to go through with it, it is more like a 5+ year plan, but it is good to really consider it- although the coolness of Europe and the proximity to other countries would be really hard to give up.
Spending time in my hometown was great- some friends and I got together and had an excellent evening together, and telling my family about Shrimpy at the reunion was great fun! As sweet as they are, none of them wanted to assume that I was pregnant in case I had just put on weight! Despite the health problems my family is facing (an aunt and uncle of mine are both battling stage 4 cancer, another uncle was in a massive car accident that made him, at least for now, a quadriplegic, and my mom's ex had a bladder blockage that they are currently testing for cancer), we were still a rather upbeat group- and I know that we really support one another in hard times like these.
This week I am at my work's American headquarters and catching up on everything that happened while I was on vacation and working on projects. We are also doing interviews for my position, which is exciting and filled with lots of hope and expectations. There have been a lot of comments made about it being hard to replace me and the value of my position which makes me feel really good.
My coworkers here also threw me an early baby shower (since I won't be back until post baby)! It was something they brought up right after I announced it to them, and I am just overwhelmed by kindness and acceptance. They have given our growing family such thoughtful gifts and I can't wait to show Broom all of the nice things that we have received.
Today I also got to meet up with a good friend of mine and her family for breakfast. My delayed flight on Sunday made that meet-up impossible, but we made breakfast work, and they even picked me up from my hotel and dropped me off at work so that we would have the most time possible to visit with one another. She is also expecting, and we are exactly two weeks apart- it is so lovely to be going though this "together" (at least virtually!) and it was great to see them and catch up- although there is never enough time! (Thank you! And thank you for breakfast!)
I can't wait to get home and back to our apartment, and I can't help but be extremely grateful for everything right now- even with the medical hardships in my family, the network behind us all is amazingly awesome!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
(Almost) Time to leave on a jet plane!
Well, Sunday is the day I go to the US for almost 4 weeks! Crazy!
I am starting out in Chicago for a 1-week training, then we are visiting Toronto to see if we would like living there, and then I am spending time with my family before another 4 days of business at the end. I am excited and scared, and hoping that I feel ok while I am gone and don't catch any bugs.
Luckily, all of my appointments have been going well! They reduced my thyroid meds, and our 1st official ultrasound (the one to confirm the pregnancy doesn't count) went perfectly!
The baby measured the right size, the heart was still beating strongly (we got to hear it over the dr.'s doppler), and since Shrimpy was sleeping- my dr. got him or her to wake up and move.
It was amazing to see those little arms and long legs flail and wave as he/she was surprised awake by the gentle pushes on my belly. I felt a little bad, waking our child up, but it was great to see the movement before he/she settled back down to a more comfortable looking sleeping position (head more or less level with the body rather than feet up in the air). The dr. could even recognize that the baby's digestive system is functioning based on the stomach, and at one point, we saw the brain, too. Completely amazing.
We couldn't be happier that we have reached the 2nd trimester and we are keeping everything crossed that things continue to go well!
Since things did go so well, we went ahead and told Broom's brothers (who, reacted ok- a little weirdly, but ok), as well as my big bosses at work. Apparently, based on the meeting invites, they thought I was going to quit and were freaking out. One was surprised, the other relieved. It is nice to have it out now, and we will begin looking for my replacement any day now.
It is still hitting Broom and I that having this baby means coming out to even more people, over and over again. At least, so far, reactions haven't been bad, and Broom's mom seems to be really excited now, which is a little scary and nice at the same time. Babies do sometimes make people easier to relate to, so we will see.
Now, off to see if I can figure out how to shimmy my legs into the really serious thigh-high compression stockings I bought...
I am starting out in Chicago for a 1-week training, then we are visiting Toronto to see if we would like living there, and then I am spending time with my family before another 4 days of business at the end. I am excited and scared, and hoping that I feel ok while I am gone and don't catch any bugs.
Luckily, all of my appointments have been going well! They reduced my thyroid meds, and our 1st official ultrasound (the one to confirm the pregnancy doesn't count) went perfectly!
The baby measured the right size, the heart was still beating strongly (we got to hear it over the dr.'s doppler), and since Shrimpy was sleeping- my dr. got him or her to wake up and move.
It was amazing to see those little arms and long legs flail and wave as he/she was surprised awake by the gentle pushes on my belly. I felt a little bad, waking our child up, but it was great to see the movement before he/she settled back down to a more comfortable looking sleeping position (head more or less level with the body rather than feet up in the air). The dr. could even recognize that the baby's digestive system is functioning based on the stomach, and at one point, we saw the brain, too. Completely amazing.
We couldn't be happier that we have reached the 2nd trimester and we are keeping everything crossed that things continue to go well!
Since things did go so well, we went ahead and told Broom's brothers (who, reacted ok- a little weirdly, but ok), as well as my big bosses at work. Apparently, based on the meeting invites, they thought I was going to quit and were freaking out. One was surprised, the other relieved. It is nice to have it out now, and we will begin looking for my replacement any day now.
It is still hitting Broom and I that having this baby means coming out to even more people, over and over again. At least, so far, reactions haven't been bad, and Broom's mom seems to be really excited now, which is a little scary and nice at the same time. Babies do sometimes make people easier to relate to, so we will see.
Now, off to see if I can figure out how to shimmy my legs into the really serious thigh-high compression stockings I bought...
Thursday, May 23, 2013
6w2d
Luckily, with each passing day, our ultrasound appointment gets closer!
I am really eager, nervous, and excited to make sure that everything is ok and to confirm how many "Shrimpy/ies" there are in there. Some days I cannot ignore the pregnancy symptoms, while on others I feel like I should feel more in order to be sure that everything is ok. I used my last digital and the display went up to 2-3 weeks so I am glad that it my hCG went up!
All in all, I have been feeling pretty good- I've been having: nausea, bloating, heartburn, sore hips, and fatigue. When the nausea hits at work, it's either been mild, or I've been able to breathe through it. I've had a couple of mood swings / bouts of weepiness to boot, mostly for non-reasons, as stuff like that tends to be :)
I've had a hard time not feeling like I look pregnant (due to the bloat) all the time and wanting to tell people. We will decide when to tell my family after the ultrasound and I will probably tell my work in week 12. Broom's family will be kept in the dark the longest to maintain our sanity.
We went to the largest annual lesbian gathering in Germany last weekend and it was awesome! I couldn't do as much as I wanted to do due to my fatigue, but it was such a touching and rejuvenating experience to be around so many lesbians that looked so different (butch, femme, androgynous, all sorts of skin tones and ability levels). I am really glad that we went!
13 days before we know more about how my aquarium inhabitant(s) are doing!
I am really eager, nervous, and excited to make sure that everything is ok and to confirm how many "Shrimpy/ies" there are in there. Some days I cannot ignore the pregnancy symptoms, while on others I feel like I should feel more in order to be sure that everything is ok. I used my last digital and the display went up to 2-3 weeks so I am glad that it my hCG went up!
All in all, I have been feeling pretty good- I've been having: nausea, bloating, heartburn, sore hips, and fatigue. When the nausea hits at work, it's either been mild, or I've been able to breathe through it. I've had a couple of mood swings / bouts of weepiness to boot, mostly for non-reasons, as stuff like that tends to be :)
I've had a hard time not feeling like I look pregnant (due to the bloat) all the time and wanting to tell people. We will decide when to tell my family after the ultrasound and I will probably tell my work in week 12. Broom's family will be kept in the dark the longest to maintain our sanity.
We went to the largest annual lesbian gathering in Germany last weekend and it was awesome! I couldn't do as much as I wanted to do due to my fatigue, but it was such a touching and rejuvenating experience to be around so many lesbians that looked so different (butch, femme, androgynous, all sorts of skin tones and ability levels). I am really glad that we went!
13 days before we know more about how my aquarium inhabitant(s) are doing!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Body image and baby making
I have come to the unscientific conclusion that Germany is more critical about body image and what many Germans consider to be fat. It is also not considered (as far as I can tell) incredibly rude to call someone fat or talk about someone's body. There is even a show on called "The fat guy".
As a result, anyone who falls out of the societal norm is often judged for their body shape.
Here, I have heard people refer to me as being large or any other "nicer" term for fat, and I have been mistaken for being pregnant at least a handful of times (well, those were the number of times they asked me or said something about it- but now they would be right, ha!).
During the course of this journey to conceive I have made a conscious decision not to concentrate on how much I weigh. Priority number one was and is getting/staying pregnant and staying healthy. I do weigh a "lot" for my height- even though I think that with the exception of my small belly and ginormous breasts (thanks, genetics!), that my frame is actually on the small side. I am an average height and very strong woman- lifting weights makes me feel powerful and good (and, well, pectoral muscles are important for these girls I've got) and seeing my leg, arm, and back muscles makes me feel sexy. I am healthy and happy.
I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for unwanted comments once I start to show and am already giving myself pep talks about how amazing the whole process is here- because I've heard people- including coworkers call pregnant women fat. (And the person who said it is friends with the woman carrying twins! I told her that if she was my friend and talking about me like that that I would hate her and that she should have twins and see how she felt/looked. My mouth got away from me there...)
But no matter what anyone says, they can't make this process any less amazing- and I will surely feel free to give them a piece of my opinion when appropriate as well. Body image is such an important lesson that we are taught by our families, and our family will certainly have that as well as the obvious two moms thing to contend with. I have come to the firm conclusion that both areas require a strong pair of shoulders to hold your head up high, and I plan on leading by example.
Happy Friday!
As a result, anyone who falls out of the societal norm is often judged for their body shape.
Here, I have heard people refer to me as being large or any other "nicer" term for fat, and I have been mistaken for being pregnant at least a handful of times (well, those were the number of times they asked me or said something about it- but now they would be right, ha!).
During the course of this journey to conceive I have made a conscious decision not to concentrate on how much I weigh. Priority number one was and is getting/staying pregnant and staying healthy. I do weigh a "lot" for my height- even though I think that with the exception of my small belly and ginormous breasts (thanks, genetics!), that my frame is actually on the small side. I am an average height and very strong woman- lifting weights makes me feel powerful and good (and, well, pectoral muscles are important for these girls I've got) and seeing my leg, arm, and back muscles makes me feel sexy. I am healthy and happy.
I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for unwanted comments once I start to show and am already giving myself pep talks about how amazing the whole process is here- because I've heard people- including coworkers call pregnant women fat. (And the person who said it is friends with the woman carrying twins! I told her that if she was my friend and talking about me like that that I would hate her and that she should have twins and see how she felt/looked. My mouth got away from me there...)
But no matter what anyone says, they can't make this process any less amazing- and I will surely feel free to give them a piece of my opinion when appropriate as well. Body image is such an important lesson that we are taught by our families, and our family will certainly have that as well as the obvious two moms thing to contend with. I have come to the firm conclusion that both areas require a strong pair of shoulders to hold your head up high, and I plan on leading by example.
Happy Friday!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Last, but not least
On Friday, I got my follicles measured after being on clomid again from cycle days 5-9. My super-nice gyn said "Those look great! It has really got to work this time!" Turns out I reacted quite well and had 4 follicles, (2x 15mm, 1 14mm, 1 13mm). The clinic told me to go for another ultrasound on Monday and that I would likely have an insem on Wednesday.
Broom and I made the hard decision that this IUI will be our last due to frustrations with our clinic and the fact that the probability of us getting pregnant with IUI won't be going up with additional tries. We would rather put our money into IVF if this next try doesn't work due to the increased success rates.
It isn't easy setting such a limit for us, and I have to fight back the guilt and shame accompanied with it. Some days, it is easier than others- and I am trying not to get my hopes up too much for this next try. Luckily, I also know that my gyn is trying to support us the best she can and said it would be no problem to write me off sick for IVF.
Regardless of how the next try goes, we will most likely be dealing with at least an egg retrieval in our near-ish future, since Broom is seriously considering harvesting her eggs for use in me at some point. We are currently researching foreign clinics since egg donation isn't allowed in Germany. Only time will tell if they would even consider implanting the eggs into me (if we went this route, we would both harvest at the same time and use the same donor to make all of the embryos that we would use and freeze at once and possibly use a mixture of her and my eggs in one cycle).
If/when we start steps for that, we will probably have to take at least a 3 month break in order to save up for the process. It is a daunting sum of money, but I know it will all be worth it. Broom would like to save up longer- but waiting makes me uneasy since I feel like our dream is stagnant.
We will just have to see what the next few weeks bring.
Broom and I made the hard decision that this IUI will be our last due to frustrations with our clinic and the fact that the probability of us getting pregnant with IUI won't be going up with additional tries. We would rather put our money into IVF if this next try doesn't work due to the increased success rates.
It isn't easy setting such a limit for us, and I have to fight back the guilt and shame accompanied with it. Some days, it is easier than others- and I am trying not to get my hopes up too much for this next try. Luckily, I also know that my gyn is trying to support us the best she can and said it would be no problem to write me off sick for IVF.
Regardless of how the next try goes, we will most likely be dealing with at least an egg retrieval in our near-ish future, since Broom is seriously considering harvesting her eggs for use in me at some point. We are currently researching foreign clinics since egg donation isn't allowed in Germany. Only time will tell if they would even consider implanting the eggs into me (if we went this route, we would both harvest at the same time and use the same donor to make all of the embryos that we would use and freeze at once and possibly use a mixture of her and my eggs in one cycle).
If/when we start steps for that, we will probably have to take at least a 3 month break in order to save up for the process. It is a daunting sum of money, but I know it will all be worth it. Broom would like to save up longer- but waiting makes me uneasy since I feel like our dream is stagnant.
We will just have to see what the next few weeks bring.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Anger
There is something about women being angry in our current society that is unacceptable.
Well, suck it up!
I am angry. And that is OK. You will have to deal.with.it.
I am tired and absolutely fed up with being a second class citizen
in both countries that I could currently call home. Does my tax money
count less than that of a straight person? Is it somehow counted
differently to offset their distaste (either full-blown or subtle) for
my lifestyle? Do they not want a well-educated woman ready to procreate
producing another tax payer?Well, suck it up!
I am angry. And that is OK. You will have to deal.with.it.
PS: Germany, your letter will come later.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Trusting your instincts can be hard
I had my appointment on Wednesday, which was great because my boss was off and I didn't have to come up with an excuse about why I had to leave at noon. Got our normal Dr., which was ok, I guess.
He did say "Didn't you send me an email? We can go over your questions now." but then didn't go over any of the actual questions since he didn't have our "come to Jesus"/"we feel like cash cows, PLEASE look at my charts!" email open anyways. I told him I needed to talk to him with my wife present in any case, as they are OUR questions, not just mine.
After he asked me how I was doing- I said good- frustrated, but good. He then went on to tell me that since this is our 6th cycle (I figured there was no point in telling him that we don't count the 1st 2 due to my thyroid...since he is SO good at listening.) that if it doesn't work, that the next one should be IVF. I let him know that I would have to talk about it with my wife and that I needed a price overview (3x what we have been paying- without sperm! No surprise there!). I don't know how I feel about IVF. We would have to sit out like 3-4 cycles in order to afford it and on one hand, sure- I am tired of these lower success rates- but on the other hand, I don't feel ready. Maybe after 2 more tries, if it is needed. We will see what the next two weeks bring.
The insem itself was uneventful, although this time he did an ultrasound after the insem- without turning the screen towards me, so I had to strain to see. I had a perfect 17mm follicle, so BOOYAH! I asked to stay tilted in the chair, and he let me stay seated for a bit (but not tilted) so I just put an instead cup in and got dressed.
Still not 100% sure when I ovulated (if it was Wednesday or Thursday), since my temperature went up some on Friday, but not a lot. I had fertile CM for almost a week and + OPKs on Tuesday and Wednesday, followed by negatives, so it wasn't exactly easy to read.
In summary, I feel good, but as always, there is no way of telling. Enjoying the long Easter weekend and the fact that we didn't have to sit out this cycle while trying to keep my hope at a healthy level.
Happy Saturday, everyone!
He did say "Didn't you send me an email? We can go over your questions now." but then didn't go over any of the actual questions since he didn't have our "come to Jesus"/"we feel like cash cows, PLEASE look at my charts!" email open anyways. I told him I needed to talk to him with my wife present in any case, as they are OUR questions, not just mine.
After he asked me how I was doing- I said good- frustrated, but good. He then went on to tell me that since this is our 6th cycle (I figured there was no point in telling him that we don't count the 1st 2 due to my thyroid...since he is SO good at listening.) that if it doesn't work, that the next one should be IVF. I let him know that I would have to talk about it with my wife and that I needed a price overview (3x what we have been paying- without sperm! No surprise there!). I don't know how I feel about IVF. We would have to sit out like 3-4 cycles in order to afford it and on one hand, sure- I am tired of these lower success rates- but on the other hand, I don't feel ready. Maybe after 2 more tries, if it is needed. We will see what the next two weeks bring.
The insem itself was uneventful, although this time he did an ultrasound after the insem- without turning the screen towards me, so I had to strain to see. I had a perfect 17mm follicle, so BOOYAH! I asked to stay tilted in the chair, and he let me stay seated for a bit (but not tilted) so I just put an instead cup in and got dressed.
Still not 100% sure when I ovulated (if it was Wednesday or Thursday), since my temperature went up some on Friday, but not a lot. I had fertile CM for almost a week and + OPKs on Tuesday and Wednesday, followed by negatives, so it wasn't exactly easy to read.
In summary, I feel good, but as always, there is no way of telling. Enjoying the long Easter weekend and the fact that we didn't have to sit out this cycle while trying to keep my hope at a healthy level.
Happy Saturday, everyone!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I think my vagina is finally sending me an "email"
In jest, I have often told Broom that this whole process would be MUCH easier if my vagina would just email me or even send me a meeting invite to let me know when would be a good time for the sperm to make their appearance. You know, then I don't have to hide OPKs (used and unused) under my bra strap or in my knee-high boots on my way to and from the bathroom before trying to move around my crap at my desk so that I can lay it flat (but hidden) to read later- all without my boss, who sits in the same room, noticing. So far, she probably only thinks that I have odd bathroom practices, but maybe she doesn't suspect a thing.
Despite the fact that the fact that my vagina cannot, in fact, send emails, I woke up this morning to the 3rd day in a row of fertile CM (probably TMI, but it was hard to miss this morning and it was more than ever) and then got a +OPK at 10am today (the 3 before and after were negative). So, I figure that's the closest I am going to get to an email and it is a clear message. As long as my body isn't just practicing gearing up, this timing is as good as any- and it isn't any worse than how the doctors determine when I should show up. As a result, Broom and I made the decision that I will just go for an insem tomorrow and even convinced the clinic to give me an appointment. Basically, we are letting me listen to my signs and are hoping that it just feels early in my cycle due to the progesterone I took last cycle.
Turns out my "Easter egg" won't be wasted, after all, and we will have 1 last chance at a 2013 baby. I have no idea what our chances will be or even if our timing is even close to right.
Only time will tell (and because I am going to be a great mom, now I am thinking that getting drunk with Broom and my MIL last night might not have been the best call, but at least I am relaxed, amirite?).
Keep your fingers crossed, people of the interwebs- this could be a fucking huge week, especially when it comes to my home country giving us the possibility of being able to live in the US.
Despite the fact that the fact that my vagina cannot, in fact, send emails, I woke up this morning to the 3rd day in a row of fertile CM (probably TMI, but it was hard to miss this morning and it was more than ever) and then got a +OPK at 10am today (the 3 before and after were negative). So, I figure that's the closest I am going to get to an email and it is a clear message. As long as my body isn't just practicing gearing up, this timing is as good as any- and it isn't any worse than how the doctors determine when I should show up. As a result, Broom and I made the decision that I will just go for an insem tomorrow and even convinced the clinic to give me an appointment. Basically, we are letting me listen to my signs and are hoping that it just feels early in my cycle due to the progesterone I took last cycle.
Turns out my "Easter egg" won't be wasted, after all, and we will have 1 last chance at a 2013 baby. I have no idea what our chances will be or even if our timing is even close to right.
Only time will tell (and because I am going to be a great mom, now I am thinking that getting drunk with Broom and my MIL last night might not have been the best call, but at least I am relaxed, amirite?).
Keep your fingers crossed, people of the interwebs- this could be a fucking huge week, especially when it comes to my home country giving us the possibility of being able to live in the US.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Frustrations
Our weekend away was glorious! The drive there was a little complicated due to some Windows-screensaver-like scattered snow showers, but it was sooo worth it! Luckily, everything was like it was described on the website, and we were welcomed on to a small farm owned by two lovely women and a warm fireplace in a cozy room- right above the horse stalls (it was extremely well insulated, and you could barely hear, let alone smell the horses in the apartment we were in). We were able to spend time with their animals, ride horses, and explore the nearby villiages. Although it was cold, we were able to get a fair amount of fresh air in before not being able to feel our extremities. Lots of cooking, napping, and relaxing in front of the fire was had.
This was all very nice, since on Thursday, before I needed to leave to get my blood pregnancy test, I started spotting. It wasn't consistent, so I went anyway, and on Friday, right before I went riding, it was confirmed that try number 3 (we don't count the first 2 where my Thyroid wasn't OK) was a bust.
Although it is "only" try number 3, we have had the emotional and financial strains of the other 2 tries, and I was dealing fine until we got home. Last night I broke down sobbing in the bathtub, feeling like those tests will never be positive for us. I know it is silly, but that is how it makes me feel after I know that I did everything I could and it still didn't work- 13 years of learning Catholic guilt in school doesn't go away quickly, even though I know I am doing my best.
Equally upsetting was getting the confirmation of what I suspected- that the next cycle will probably have to be another forced break because German holidays trump everything (even ovulation, which you of course cannot plan). I just feel like we are not being taken seriously at all, and are viewed as a cash cow- especially since when I wrote the clinic to ask if they were open over the Easter weekend, I also asked the doctor if he would like to look at my charts (he has always ignored the fact that I chart), and this question was completely ignored.
So, I have typed up ALLL of my questions (including when they recommend IVF and the costs) and am going to go over it with Broom and request a telephone appointment with our doctor so that we can talk about how we should continue our treatment. We are also going to see if there are other nearby clinics who might- due to the changing political climate- be willing to treat us. I am tired of spending money with people who don't respect us enough to answer our questions.
I'm going to let myself be sad, angry, and depressed for a little longer, and then I just need to keep on repeating to myself: "We will have a baby."
This was all very nice, since on Thursday, before I needed to leave to get my blood pregnancy test, I started spotting. It wasn't consistent, so I went anyway, and on Friday, right before I went riding, it was confirmed that try number 3 (we don't count the first 2 where my Thyroid wasn't OK) was a bust.
Although it is "only" try number 3, we have had the emotional and financial strains of the other 2 tries, and I was dealing fine until we got home. Last night I broke down sobbing in the bathtub, feeling like those tests will never be positive for us. I know it is silly, but that is how it makes me feel after I know that I did everything I could and it still didn't work- 13 years of learning Catholic guilt in school doesn't go away quickly, even though I know I am doing my best.
Equally upsetting was getting the confirmation of what I suspected- that the next cycle will probably have to be another forced break because German holidays trump everything (even ovulation, which you of course cannot plan). I just feel like we are not being taken seriously at all, and are viewed as a cash cow- especially since when I wrote the clinic to ask if they were open over the Easter weekend, I also asked the doctor if he would like to look at my charts (he has always ignored the fact that I chart), and this question was completely ignored.
So, I have typed up ALLL of my questions (including when they recommend IVF and the costs) and am going to go over it with Broom and request a telephone appointment with our doctor so that we can talk about how we should continue our treatment. We are also going to see if there are other nearby clinics who might- due to the changing political climate- be willing to treat us. I am tired of spending money with people who don't respect us enough to answer our questions.
I'm going to let myself be sad, angry, and depressed for a little longer, and then I just need to keep on repeating to myself: "We will have a baby."
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Almost halfway through all the waiting
So, as planned, I drove to the clinic for the insem on Friday of last week. Late afternoon the day before as well as on my way there, I had ovulation pains. It then came as no surprise that my ultrasound there showed that I had, indeed, already ovulated. As baffling as it may be, they only do this ultrasound (which costs €20 more than the one in my own town, even though nothing is different about it) after they have defrosted the sperm. You'd think they would at least give you the chance to back out if the timing was way off. This is the first time that I had already ovulated before an insem (even though they did not do an ultrasound every time- another thing that doesn't make any sense- but I digress) so I am hoping that this is a good thing, and my egg(s) were already patiently waiting on the sperm.
My Dr.- yes I got my own!- asked about blood work and I told him again that my own gyn's lab is really slow and that it wouldn't help for current cycles. I did let him know that I had my values that he insisted on from the previous cycle with me, if he wanted to check them. He then told me I should go to the local clinic and ask them to do the ultrasounds and blood work since they can work more quickly. After I let him know that they have refused to treat us in the past, he let me know that if I tell the clinic that he sent me, that it would work.
Why the fuck didn't he say this earlier?!? Do you have to spend a minimal amount to get the real "advice"? And if the blood work is so important to making sure that we are getting this right, why didn't they insist on this or another solution during the first tries or our consultation?
Of course, my Dr. didn't even want to look at my old values. Waste of time and money, thank you!
Since I am using progesterone suppositories this cycle, I called the local clinic to test the waters by asking if they would do a blood pregnancy test. They confirmed that it is no problem- and it is even under €20! Once I am there, I will ask about possible future cycles and what the costs are for that.
Other than that frustration, I am feeling good this cycle. I've got the normal bloating, breast tenderness, and pulling in my ovaries- which I don't read too much into most of the time due to the progesterone. My temperatures have been hella awesome, even with the progesterone (I checked similar charts on Fertility Friend, of course), but I am trying to take it with a grain of salt.
I did pineapple core for the first 5 days after ovulation and have been drinking my fertility tea and using my homeopathic globules from my natural healer. Even the suppositories haven't been bad.
All in all, the waiting is going OK, and I am glad that we will know (hopefully for sure) what the blood test says on Friday, so only the rest of today, and then one week! Fertility friend says that a test on Thursday would be accurate and the Dr. from my clinic said Friday, so it should be able to tell us something. Luckily, we will be on our short weekend away, which will help either way.
Happy Thursday!
My Dr.- yes I got my own!- asked about blood work and I told him again that my own gyn's lab is really slow and that it wouldn't help for current cycles. I did let him know that I had my values that he insisted on from the previous cycle with me, if he wanted to check them. He then told me I should go to the local clinic and ask them to do the ultrasounds and blood work since they can work more quickly. After I let him know that they have refused to treat us in the past, he let me know that if I tell the clinic that he sent me, that it would work.
Why the fuck didn't he say this earlier?!? Do you have to spend a minimal amount to get the real "advice"? And if the blood work is so important to making sure that we are getting this right, why didn't they insist on this or another solution during the first tries or our consultation?
Of course, my Dr. didn't even want to look at my old values. Waste of time and money, thank you!
Since I am using progesterone suppositories this cycle, I called the local clinic to test the waters by asking if they would do a blood pregnancy test. They confirmed that it is no problem- and it is even under €20! Once I am there, I will ask about possible future cycles and what the costs are for that.
Other than that frustration, I am feeling good this cycle. I've got the normal bloating, breast tenderness, and pulling in my ovaries- which I don't read too much into most of the time due to the progesterone. My temperatures have been hella awesome, even with the progesterone (I checked similar charts on Fertility Friend, of course), but I am trying to take it with a grain of salt.
I did pineapple core for the first 5 days after ovulation and have been drinking my fertility tea and using my homeopathic globules from my natural healer. Even the suppositories haven't been bad.
All in all, the waiting is going OK, and I am glad that we will know (hopefully for sure) what the blood test says on Friday, so only the rest of today, and then one week! Fertility friend says that a test on Thursday would be accurate and the Dr. from my clinic said Friday, so it should be able to tell us something. Luckily, we will be on our short weekend away, which will help either way.
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wake up call
Today I ran some overtime statistics and realized, that for the month of February, that I worked the highest average number of hours per day than anyone else who punches a clock in Germany (which most people here do, as there is a working hours law that requires employers and employees to have a record of the number of hours worked.
This was hard for me to see. I don't want to be doing as much overtime as I have been, but I am worried about letting my boss down, who I really like as a boss, and as a "friend" (I dunno if we could call it that, but it feels like that to me). I don't want to be that person- because no matter what you might think- no one gives a shit about your overtime or "all the work you've done for the company". Really. They don't care. Once you are gone, you are gone and the work will either be taken over by someone else or not. And the clock still keeps on ticking.
Getting pregnant and having a baby with Broom is my highest priority right now. I've given up coffee, alcohol, and vigorous physical exercise until we know for sure how this cycle turns out, and then there is a small window for wine and the cross trainer before it starts again. My overtime is the other part where I just need to.let.it.go. It's not like I'm saving lives! So, I'm giving up feeling like I need to be able to do everything, because I can't- and work is where I need to start cutting down. Starting Monday, I am going to try and not work any more that 9.5 hours a day. It's still not perfect- but it would be a big baby step (pun intended).
On that note, I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and my endometrium was up to a perfect 11mm and I had 2 follicles, on 15mm and the other 18mm (multiple smaller follicles on the other side). We triggered yesterday (still have yet to break the ampule for the mixing liquid without it at least partially shattering), and yesterday (before the trigger) I had another 2 glaringly positive OPKs. Today I had ovulation like pains around 2:30pm and tomorrow I need to be at the clinic at 10:15 for a 10:45 insem.
So, this timing could still be really good, although I have no idea what to think since hCG can increase your temp, and mine was slightly up. We will see in two weeks, I guess.
Happy Friday, people!
This was hard for me to see. I don't want to be doing as much overtime as I have been, but I am worried about letting my boss down, who I really like as a boss, and as a "friend" (I dunno if we could call it that, but it feels like that to me). I don't want to be that person- because no matter what you might think- no one gives a shit about your overtime or "all the work you've done for the company". Really. They don't care. Once you are gone, you are gone and the work will either be taken over by someone else or not. And the clock still keeps on ticking.
Getting pregnant and having a baby with Broom is my highest priority right now. I've given up coffee, alcohol, and vigorous physical exercise until we know for sure how this cycle turns out, and then there is a small window for wine and the cross trainer before it starts again. My overtime is the other part where I just need to.let.it.go. It's not like I'm saving lives! So, I'm giving up feeling like I need to be able to do everything, because I can't- and work is where I need to start cutting down. Starting Monday, I am going to try and not work any more that 9.5 hours a day. It's still not perfect- but it would be a big baby step (pun intended).
On that note, I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and my endometrium was up to a perfect 11mm and I had 2 follicles, on 15mm and the other 18mm (multiple smaller follicles on the other side). We triggered yesterday (still have yet to break the ampule for the mixing liquid without it at least partially shattering), and yesterday (before the trigger) I had another 2 glaringly positive OPKs. Today I had ovulation like pains around 2:30pm and tomorrow I need to be at the clinic at 10:15 for a 10:45 insem.
So, this timing could still be really good, although I have no idea what to think since hCG can increase your temp, and mine was slightly up. We will see in two weeks, I guess.
Happy Friday, people!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Waiting with a side of more waiting
Yesterday I got my thyroid results, and everything was normal (1 result was in the high range of normal, but I'll take it!). Woohoo! Was so nervous about something possibly being wrong that I couldn't sleep well the night before.
That afternoon I had another shot to strengthen my ovaries (probably my last, my natural healer checked with the company that makes the medicine and they said that any interference is unlikely, but they would still recommend no shot after an insem), and then I got my follicles measured.
As always, predicting ovulation is really hard. And, it turns out, my follicles weren't as big as I had expected. The biggest was 11.6mm with multiple between 8-9mm on the other side and an endometrium of 9.6mm. So, altogether positive, but probably points to ovulation on Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I called the clinic today, and they want me to get another ultrasound tomorrow, and luckily I got an appointment first thing in the morning.
To throw everything through a loop, I got a +OPK today at 10am after a 2 hour hold. No idea what to think now....but I am leaning towards Thurs / Fri anyway, and I am not sure if I still want to trigger or not since my hormones are already surging on their own. I guess I will tell the clinic tomorrow and see what they say, although I don't think they care. My gyno encouraged me to talk to them about my unhappiness with their service, but I told her that I am too nervous that they will refuse us service.
*Sigh* sometimes I feel like all of my doctors, and myself are all just guessing.
Keep your fingers crossed for a good measurement tomorrow!
That afternoon I had another shot to strengthen my ovaries (probably my last, my natural healer checked with the company that makes the medicine and they said that any interference is unlikely, but they would still recommend no shot after an insem), and then I got my follicles measured.
As always, predicting ovulation is really hard. And, it turns out, my follicles weren't as big as I had expected. The biggest was 11.6mm with multiple between 8-9mm on the other side and an endometrium of 9.6mm. So, altogether positive, but probably points to ovulation on Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I called the clinic today, and they want me to get another ultrasound tomorrow, and luckily I got an appointment first thing in the morning.
To throw everything through a loop, I got a +OPK today at 10am after a 2 hour hold. No idea what to think now....but I am leaning towards Thurs / Fri anyway, and I am not sure if I still want to trigger or not since my hormones are already surging on their own. I guess I will tell the clinic tomorrow and see what they say, although I don't think they care. My gyno encouraged me to talk to them about my unhappiness with their service, but I told her that I am too nervous that they will refuse us service.
*Sigh* sometimes I feel like all of my doctors, and myself are all just guessing.
Keep your fingers crossed for a good measurement tomorrow!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Is it Monday yet?
I know, I know, no one likes Mondays.
But next Monday, I find out if my Thyroid is still ok, and what my follicles look like (and, if everything goes OK, I will get an appointment from the fertility clinic. And no, they did not answer my question regarding other possible vacation times where we wouldn't be able to have an insem- I mean, that would be something close to customer service, right?).
Keep everything crossed that we will get a green light on all fronts. I really don't like all of these forced pauses. I counted, and between now and when I want to go to the US for training for work and vacation are 5 tries. Statistically, we could be pregnant by the next time I go home. However, if there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process is that you can't predict shit. April will be the anniversary of our 1st insem, and if we can insem next week, it will only be our 5th actual, and since we have decided not to count the 1st two, it is really our 3rd.
Aside from regular gym visits, increasing which foods we buy from local sources and / or organic, eating organic, full-fat dairy (OMG, it tastes so good- why are so many American families afraid of full-fat dairy?!? And, I feel great when I eat it, and have lost a few pounds), taking my vitamins (iron, folic acid with B6, Magnesium, and omega 3-6-9 oil), and meditating- I haven't been doing much. (HA) Oh, and those cycle-regulating shots and drops- the last of which are next week. Since I started my homeopathic treatment, I ovulated for the first time in over a year on cycle day 14, and had a 28 day cycle. I still spotted beforehand and didn't have a very long period (3 days, not counting the spotting), but baby steps here- in every sense of the word.
I'm feeling good and whole though, which counts for a lot in my book.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
But next Monday, I find out if my Thyroid is still ok, and what my follicles look like (and, if everything goes OK, I will get an appointment from the fertility clinic. And no, they did not answer my question regarding other possible vacation times where we wouldn't be able to have an insem- I mean, that would be something close to customer service, right?).
Keep everything crossed that we will get a green light on all fronts. I really don't like all of these forced pauses. I counted, and between now and when I want to go to the US for training for work and vacation are 5 tries. Statistically, we could be pregnant by the next time I go home. However, if there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process is that you can't predict shit. April will be the anniversary of our 1st insem, and if we can insem next week, it will only be our 5th actual, and since we have decided not to count the 1st two, it is really our 3rd.
Aside from regular gym visits, increasing which foods we buy from local sources and / or organic, eating organic, full-fat dairy (OMG, it tastes so good- why are so many American families afraid of full-fat dairy?!? And, I feel great when I eat it, and have lost a few pounds), taking my vitamins (iron, folic acid with B6, Magnesium, and omega 3-6-9 oil), and meditating- I haven't been doing much. (HA) Oh, and those cycle-regulating shots and drops- the last of which are next week. Since I started my homeopathic treatment, I ovulated for the first time in over a year on cycle day 14, and had a 28 day cycle. I still spotted beforehand and didn't have a very long period (3 days, not counting the spotting), but baby steps here- in every sense of the word.
I'm feeling good and whole though, which counts for a lot in my book.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
No news
is not really good news.
Hopefully, no one was waiting to hear if I was preggo with bait on their breath. :)
Despite a good cycle, we are not pregnant.
I found out before having to go "man" my company's stand at a career fair, and dealt with it OK at that moment. Later, after some wine, I had my pity moment, and am feeling positive again right now.
Luckily, the good thing about working all weekend is that I was so tired that I didn't have time to be sad, and now that I have made my next follicle measurement appointment for next week, I have something to look forward to.
I am going to my natural healer on Friday to see what he can do to strengthen my ovaries, and although he didn't say anything about my request to use acupuncture last time, I would like to insist on it this time since I have heard so many good things about it in combination with IUI and IVF.
And, after being on my feet all weekend, I am also thinking about booking a massage. It is all about taking care of myself and my relationship with Broom during this process, so these steps are very important to me.
Off to Biodanza for the first time since before Christmas tonight. I am excited about dancing with them, and about sharing, despite the fact that I am a little worried about being judged for not getting pregnant "quickly" (whatever the hell that means). It just boggles my mind how many people don't understand how getting pregnant works. Unfortunately, the teacher made an offhand remark about me just having a one night stand a couple of months ago, and even though we talked about it, I still don't think she "gets" how horrible her comment was. Alas, I at least know they are trying to understand where we are coming from and what we are going through, and sometimes, that is really all you can ask for.
Hopefully, no one was waiting to hear if I was preggo with bait on their breath. :)
Despite a good cycle, we are not pregnant.
I found out before having to go "man" my company's stand at a career fair, and dealt with it OK at that moment. Later, after some wine, I had my pity moment, and am feeling positive again right now.
Luckily, the good thing about working all weekend is that I was so tired that I didn't have time to be sad, and now that I have made my next follicle measurement appointment for next week, I have something to look forward to.
I am going to my natural healer on Friday to see what he can do to strengthen my ovaries, and although he didn't say anything about my request to use acupuncture last time, I would like to insist on it this time since I have heard so many good things about it in combination with IUI and IVF.
And, after being on my feet all weekend, I am also thinking about booking a massage. It is all about taking care of myself and my relationship with Broom during this process, so these steps are very important to me.
Off to Biodanza for the first time since before Christmas tonight. I am excited about dancing with them, and about sharing, despite the fact that I am a little worried about being judged for not getting pregnant "quickly" (whatever the hell that means). It just boggles my mind how many people don't understand how getting pregnant works. Unfortunately, the teacher made an offhand remark about me just having a one night stand a couple of months ago, and even though we talked about it, I still don't think she "gets" how horrible her comment was. Alas, I at least know they are trying to understand where we are coming from and what we are going through, and sometimes, that is really all you can ask for.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
One Week Post Insem
Surprisingly, time has gone by pretty quickly since my insem last week.
Broom had to work, so I woke up at 5 (she got up with me to make me breakfast and pack me a lunch, I have it good :))
The almost two hour drive went well, although it was quite rainy and still really dark out. I drank fertility tea and sang along to CDs I had packed to listen to.
I arrived at the clinic 10 minutes before they told me to show up (since it takes 20-30 minutes to defrost the sperm). Finally, I after waiting an hour, I found out which doctor would be doing the procedure, and luckily, it was the really nice female doctor.
As usual, the whole thing was over in a few minutes, but she let me stay tilted in the chair for 10 minutes afterwards, covering me up with a paper sheet. She confirmed that my stats looked great, and I could really get pregnant any time now. She also didn't seem to mind that I told her that I don't do the post-insem hCG shots, since I find them too invasive. I explained that I wanted to try natural progesterone cream (which I bought while in the US), and she was really positive about it. I got blood drawn again (the 2nd nurse in a week to go for the "small vein", which should have been my cue to say oh, please look for the invisible big one, but I didn't, and both of my arms were then quite bruised).
I rested in the car with my legs up and ate my sandwich before driving back, which was equally rainy, but luckily uneventful. My nap after I got home was glorious!
Since then, work has been really busy, although I have been dealing better with all of the stress from both trying to get pregnant and work than I have in past cycles. I have managed to meditate pretty regularly and treated myself to a wonderful shiatsu massage, which was extremely relaxing.
Now, I continue to make sure to eat fertility foods, drink my fertility tea, and use my natural progesterone cream. The further along I get in my cycle, the more I want to test, but I think I will manage to wait until Thursday or Friday, and Friday would mark my 30th cycle day, which would be the max my cycle has ever been, so we will see.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Broom had to work, so I woke up at 5 (she got up with me to make me breakfast and pack me a lunch, I have it good :))
The almost two hour drive went well, although it was quite rainy and still really dark out. I drank fertility tea and sang along to CDs I had packed to listen to.
I arrived at the clinic 10 minutes before they told me to show up (since it takes 20-30 minutes to defrost the sperm). Finally, I after waiting an hour, I found out which doctor would be doing the procedure, and luckily, it was the really nice female doctor.
As usual, the whole thing was over in a few minutes, but she let me stay tilted in the chair for 10 minutes afterwards, covering me up with a paper sheet. She confirmed that my stats looked great, and I could really get pregnant any time now. She also didn't seem to mind that I told her that I don't do the post-insem hCG shots, since I find them too invasive. I explained that I wanted to try natural progesterone cream (which I bought while in the US), and she was really positive about it. I got blood drawn again (the 2nd nurse in a week to go for the "small vein", which should have been my cue to say oh, please look for the invisible big one, but I didn't, and both of my arms were then quite bruised).
I rested in the car with my legs up and ate my sandwich before driving back, which was equally rainy, but luckily uneventful. My nap after I got home was glorious!
Since then, work has been really busy, although I have been dealing better with all of the stress from both trying to get pregnant and work than I have in past cycles. I have managed to meditate pretty regularly and treated myself to a wonderful shiatsu massage, which was extremely relaxing.
Now, I continue to make sure to eat fertility foods, drink my fertility tea, and use my natural progesterone cream. The further along I get in my cycle, the more I want to test, but I think I will manage to wait until Thursday or Friday, and Friday would mark my 30th cycle day, which would be the max my cycle has ever been, so we will see.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Friday, January 4, 2013
hCG shots are not my favorite
I gave in.
Despite not having a positive OPK yet, I went ahead and followed what the dr. said and gave myself an hCG shot last night at 9pm.
I went to the gyno here on the 2nd and had a follicle with 15mm and a normal endometrium, and they wanted me to trigger the next day and come in on Saturday.
Even though it might have been the same time with my natural trigger, it just felt like the right thing to do this week. Meditating before doing the shot really helped with my fears about it, even though, despite watching a how-to on youtube, the damn glas vial broke again!
Luckily, neither of us were hurt (poor Broom hasn't had luck the 2 times we have done this), and I don't think we lost too much liquid. Today, I woke up to very fertile CM and got a positive on my OPK, so that means it is doing what it is supposed to.
Today I am off work since they had to shut off the power. It feels nice to be able to take some time for me before driving the approx. 2 hours to the insem tomorrow. Unfortunately, I will be going alone since it is Broom's last day at her shit job before starting a new (and hopefully better) one on the 15th. Although it sucks, my wife does have character and not showing up on your last day is a crap thing to do.
So, I will be waking up at oh-God-thirty on a Saturday to ensure that I get there at 8:30. Keep your fingers crossed that this try goes well and that traffic and everything is OK. The next two weeks are supposed to be busy at work, so I am going to try and keep my stress in check (massage scheduled for next week, yay!) and enjoy being distracted.
Happy Weekend, Everyone!
Despite not having a positive OPK yet, I went ahead and followed what the dr. said and gave myself an hCG shot last night at 9pm.
I went to the gyno here on the 2nd and had a follicle with 15mm and a normal endometrium, and they wanted me to trigger the next day and come in on Saturday.
Even though it might have been the same time with my natural trigger, it just felt like the right thing to do this week. Meditating before doing the shot really helped with my fears about it, even though, despite watching a how-to on youtube, the damn glas vial broke again!
Luckily, neither of us were hurt (poor Broom hasn't had luck the 2 times we have done this), and I don't think we lost too much liquid. Today, I woke up to very fertile CM and got a positive on my OPK, so that means it is doing what it is supposed to.
Today I am off work since they had to shut off the power. It feels nice to be able to take some time for me before driving the approx. 2 hours to the insem tomorrow. Unfortunately, I will be going alone since it is Broom's last day at her shit job before starting a new (and hopefully better) one on the 15th. Although it sucks, my wife does have character and not showing up on your last day is a crap thing to do.
So, I will be waking up at oh-God-thirty on a Saturday to ensure that I get there at 8:30. Keep your fingers crossed that this try goes well and that traffic and everything is OK. The next two weeks are supposed to be busy at work, so I am going to try and keep my stress in check (massage scheduled for next week, yay!) and enjoy being distracted.
Happy Weekend, Everyone!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Feiertage
Ahh, the holidays!
They can be especially hard in the years that I can't make it home for Christmas, but this year was OK, all things considered. We kept things pretty low-key, and only spent the 24th with family (well, Broom's mom, but that was enough). Since it started off with comments from her that can lead one to run away screaming, we started drinking wine relatively early. That seemed to help, and the evening was even fun, playing monopoly, and me explaining to my somewhat homophobic mother in law all about all of the steps one has to go through in Germany to become pregnant as two women in a civil union.
It was rather interesting, to say the least, and in her subdued state, she couldn't change the subject (or I didn't let her, I don't really remember, come to think of it...).
The next morning was a little rough, which was only magnified by the fact that I caught Broom's cold and had a fever for about a day and a half. I am still carrying it around with me, now without fever. With any luck, I will be done with my coughing and stuffy nose, etc. by New Year's Eve.
For that ever-so-fateful evening (ha), we will be spending the night with 11 other women, 2 of whom we know quite well, and the rest are either acquaintances or strangers, and we are really looking forward to a quiet night with good food and good people.
Enjoy the holidays, Blogosphere!
They can be especially hard in the years that I can't make it home for Christmas, but this year was OK, all things considered. We kept things pretty low-key, and only spent the 24th with family (well, Broom's mom, but that was enough). Since it started off with comments from her that can lead one to run away screaming, we started drinking wine relatively early. That seemed to help, and the evening was even fun, playing monopoly, and me explaining to my somewhat homophobic mother in law all about all of the steps one has to go through in Germany to become pregnant as two women in a civil union.
It was rather interesting, to say the least, and in her subdued state, she couldn't change the subject (or I didn't let her, I don't really remember, come to think of it...).
The next morning was a little rough, which was only magnified by the fact that I caught Broom's cold and had a fever for about a day and a half. I am still carrying it around with me, now without fever. With any luck, I will be done with my coughing and stuffy nose, etc. by New Year's Eve.
For that ever-so-fateful evening (ha), we will be spending the night with 11 other women, 2 of whom we know quite well, and the rest are either acquaintances or strangers, and we are really looking forward to a quiet night with good food and good people.
Enjoy the holidays, Blogosphere!
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