So, as planned, I drove to the clinic for the insem on Friday of last week. Late afternoon the day before as well as on my way there, I had ovulation pains. It then came as no surprise that my ultrasound there showed that I had, indeed, already ovulated. As baffling as it may be, they only do this ultrasound (which costs €20 more than the one in my own town, even though nothing is different about it) after they have defrosted the sperm. You'd think they would at least give you the chance to back out if the timing was way off. This is the first time that I had already ovulated before an insem (even though they did not do an ultrasound every time- another thing that doesn't make any sense- but I digress) so I am hoping that this is a good thing, and my egg(s) were already patiently waiting on the sperm.
My Dr.- yes I got my own!- asked about blood work and I told him again that my own gyn's lab is really slow and that it wouldn't help for current cycles. I did let him know that I had my values that he insisted on from the previous cycle with me, if he wanted to check them. He then told me I should go to the local clinic and ask them to do the ultrasounds and blood work since they can work more quickly. After I let him know that they have refused to treat us in the past, he let me know that if I tell the clinic that he sent me, that it would work.
Why the fuck didn't he say this earlier?!? Do you have to spend a minimal amount to get the real "advice"? And if the blood work is so important to making sure that we are getting this right, why didn't they insist on this or another solution during the first tries or our consultation?
Of course, my Dr. didn't even want to look at my old values. Waste of time and money, thank you!
Since I am using progesterone suppositories this cycle, I called the local clinic to test the waters by asking if they would do a blood pregnancy test. They confirmed that it is no problem- and it is even under €20! Once I am there, I will ask about possible future cycles and what the costs are for that.
Other than that frustration, I am feeling good this cycle. I've got the normal bloating, breast tenderness, and pulling in my ovaries- which I don't read too much into most of the time due to the progesterone. My temperatures have been hella awesome, even with the progesterone (I checked similar charts on Fertility Friend, of course), but I am trying to take it with a grain of salt.
I did pineapple core for the first 5 days after ovulation and have been drinking my fertility tea and using my homeopathic globules from my natural healer. Even the suppositories haven't been bad.
All in all, the waiting is going OK, and I am glad that we will know (hopefully for sure) what the blood test says on Friday, so only the rest of today, and then one week! Fertility friend says that a test on Thursday would be accurate and the Dr. from my clinic said Friday, so it should be able to tell us something. Luckily, we will be on our short weekend away, which will help either way.
Happy Thursday!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wake up call
Today I ran some overtime statistics and realized, that for the month of February, that I worked the highest average number of hours per day than anyone else who punches a clock in Germany (which most people here do, as there is a working hours law that requires employers and employees to have a record of the number of hours worked.
This was hard for me to see. I don't want to be doing as much overtime as I have been, but I am worried about letting my boss down, who I really like as a boss, and as a "friend" (I dunno if we could call it that, but it feels like that to me). I don't want to be that person- because no matter what you might think- no one gives a shit about your overtime or "all the work you've done for the company". Really. They don't care. Once you are gone, you are gone and the work will either be taken over by someone else or not. And the clock still keeps on ticking.
Getting pregnant and having a baby with Broom is my highest priority right now. I've given up coffee, alcohol, and vigorous physical exercise until we know for sure how this cycle turns out, and then there is a small window for wine and the cross trainer before it starts again. My overtime is the other part where I just need to.let.it.go. It's not like I'm saving lives! So, I'm giving up feeling like I need to be able to do everything, because I can't- and work is where I need to start cutting down. Starting Monday, I am going to try and not work any more that 9.5 hours a day. It's still not perfect- but it would be a big baby step (pun intended).
On that note, I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and my endometrium was up to a perfect 11mm and I had 2 follicles, on 15mm and the other 18mm (multiple smaller follicles on the other side). We triggered yesterday (still have yet to break the ampule for the mixing liquid without it at least partially shattering), and yesterday (before the trigger) I had another 2 glaringly positive OPKs. Today I had ovulation like pains around 2:30pm and tomorrow I need to be at the clinic at 10:15 for a 10:45 insem.
So, this timing could still be really good, although I have no idea what to think since hCG can increase your temp, and mine was slightly up. We will see in two weeks, I guess.
Happy Friday, people!
This was hard for me to see. I don't want to be doing as much overtime as I have been, but I am worried about letting my boss down, who I really like as a boss, and as a "friend" (I dunno if we could call it that, but it feels like that to me). I don't want to be that person- because no matter what you might think- no one gives a shit about your overtime or "all the work you've done for the company". Really. They don't care. Once you are gone, you are gone and the work will either be taken over by someone else or not. And the clock still keeps on ticking.
Getting pregnant and having a baby with Broom is my highest priority right now. I've given up coffee, alcohol, and vigorous physical exercise until we know for sure how this cycle turns out, and then there is a small window for wine and the cross trainer before it starts again. My overtime is the other part where I just need to.let.it.go. It's not like I'm saving lives! So, I'm giving up feeling like I need to be able to do everything, because I can't- and work is where I need to start cutting down. Starting Monday, I am going to try and not work any more that 9.5 hours a day. It's still not perfect- but it would be a big baby step (pun intended).
On that note, I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and my endometrium was up to a perfect 11mm and I had 2 follicles, on 15mm and the other 18mm (multiple smaller follicles on the other side). We triggered yesterday (still have yet to break the ampule for the mixing liquid without it at least partially shattering), and yesterday (before the trigger) I had another 2 glaringly positive OPKs. Today I had ovulation like pains around 2:30pm and tomorrow I need to be at the clinic at 10:15 for a 10:45 insem.
So, this timing could still be really good, although I have no idea what to think since hCG can increase your temp, and mine was slightly up. We will see in two weeks, I guess.
Happy Friday, people!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Waiting with a side of more waiting
Yesterday I got my thyroid results, and everything was normal (1 result was in the high range of normal, but I'll take it!). Woohoo! Was so nervous about something possibly being wrong that I couldn't sleep well the night before.
That afternoon I had another shot to strengthen my ovaries (probably my last, my natural healer checked with the company that makes the medicine and they said that any interference is unlikely, but they would still recommend no shot after an insem), and then I got my follicles measured.
As always, predicting ovulation is really hard. And, it turns out, my follicles weren't as big as I had expected. The biggest was 11.6mm with multiple between 8-9mm on the other side and an endometrium of 9.6mm. So, altogether positive, but probably points to ovulation on Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I called the clinic today, and they want me to get another ultrasound tomorrow, and luckily I got an appointment first thing in the morning.
To throw everything through a loop, I got a +OPK today at 10am after a 2 hour hold. No idea what to think now....but I am leaning towards Thurs / Fri anyway, and I am not sure if I still want to trigger or not since my hormones are already surging on their own. I guess I will tell the clinic tomorrow and see what they say, although I don't think they care. My gyno encouraged me to talk to them about my unhappiness with their service, but I told her that I am too nervous that they will refuse us service.
*Sigh* sometimes I feel like all of my doctors, and myself are all just guessing.
Keep your fingers crossed for a good measurement tomorrow!
That afternoon I had another shot to strengthen my ovaries (probably my last, my natural healer checked with the company that makes the medicine and they said that any interference is unlikely, but they would still recommend no shot after an insem), and then I got my follicles measured.
As always, predicting ovulation is really hard. And, it turns out, my follicles weren't as big as I had expected. The biggest was 11.6mm with multiple between 8-9mm on the other side and an endometrium of 9.6mm. So, altogether positive, but probably points to ovulation on Thursday or Friday at the earliest. I called the clinic today, and they want me to get another ultrasound tomorrow, and luckily I got an appointment first thing in the morning.
To throw everything through a loop, I got a +OPK today at 10am after a 2 hour hold. No idea what to think now....but I am leaning towards Thurs / Fri anyway, and I am not sure if I still want to trigger or not since my hormones are already surging on their own. I guess I will tell the clinic tomorrow and see what they say, although I don't think they care. My gyno encouraged me to talk to them about my unhappiness with their service, but I told her that I am too nervous that they will refuse us service.
*Sigh* sometimes I feel like all of my doctors, and myself are all just guessing.
Keep your fingers crossed for a good measurement tomorrow!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Is it Monday yet?
I know, I know, no one likes Mondays.
But next Monday, I find out if my Thyroid is still ok, and what my follicles look like (and, if everything goes OK, I will get an appointment from the fertility clinic. And no, they did not answer my question regarding other possible vacation times where we wouldn't be able to have an insem- I mean, that would be something close to customer service, right?).
Keep everything crossed that we will get a green light on all fronts. I really don't like all of these forced pauses. I counted, and between now and when I want to go to the US for training for work and vacation are 5 tries. Statistically, we could be pregnant by the next time I go home. However, if there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process is that you can't predict shit. April will be the anniversary of our 1st insem, and if we can insem next week, it will only be our 5th actual, and since we have decided not to count the 1st two, it is really our 3rd.
Aside from regular gym visits, increasing which foods we buy from local sources and / or organic, eating organic, full-fat dairy (OMG, it tastes so good- why are so many American families afraid of full-fat dairy?!? And, I feel great when I eat it, and have lost a few pounds), taking my vitamins (iron, folic acid with B6, Magnesium, and omega 3-6-9 oil), and meditating- I haven't been doing much. (HA) Oh, and those cycle-regulating shots and drops- the last of which are next week. Since I started my homeopathic treatment, I ovulated for the first time in over a year on cycle day 14, and had a 28 day cycle. I still spotted beforehand and didn't have a very long period (3 days, not counting the spotting), but baby steps here- in every sense of the word.
I'm feeling good and whole though, which counts for a lot in my book.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
But next Monday, I find out if my Thyroid is still ok, and what my follicles look like (and, if everything goes OK, I will get an appointment from the fertility clinic. And no, they did not answer my question regarding other possible vacation times where we wouldn't be able to have an insem- I mean, that would be something close to customer service, right?).
Keep everything crossed that we will get a green light on all fronts. I really don't like all of these forced pauses. I counted, and between now and when I want to go to the US for training for work and vacation are 5 tries. Statistically, we could be pregnant by the next time I go home. However, if there is one thing that I have learned from this whole process is that you can't predict shit. April will be the anniversary of our 1st insem, and if we can insem next week, it will only be our 5th actual, and since we have decided not to count the 1st two, it is really our 3rd.
Aside from regular gym visits, increasing which foods we buy from local sources and / or organic, eating organic, full-fat dairy (OMG, it tastes so good- why are so many American families afraid of full-fat dairy?!? And, I feel great when I eat it, and have lost a few pounds), taking my vitamins (iron, folic acid with B6, Magnesium, and omega 3-6-9 oil), and meditating- I haven't been doing much. (HA) Oh, and those cycle-regulating shots and drops- the last of which are next week. Since I started my homeopathic treatment, I ovulated for the first time in over a year on cycle day 14, and had a 28 day cycle. I still spotted beforehand and didn't have a very long period (3 days, not counting the spotting), but baby steps here- in every sense of the word.
I'm feeling good and whole though, which counts for a lot in my book.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Monday, February 11, 2013
I think we can declare last week a crap week
Last week kicked my ass.
It started off with a bunch of work crap going wrong, and whole lot of stress that I did not deal with well. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, a lot of my work had mistakes, and I felt like I was seriously done with feeling like we weren't getting anywhere.
Admittedly, I know I am undergoing hormone treatments and gearing up for my next cycle and insem, but it still felt like too much to handle- more than I was capable of dealing with. So, when Broom asked me about my day on Wednesday, I burst into inconsolable tears, and then again later that same night.
I want to be able to have more than two hobbies (blogging and working out)! Not work 50 hour weeks! Have time to help on strategic projects rather than drowning in a sea of administrative and urgent tasks!
My boss being as awesome as she is, I geared up to talk with her about it on Thursday, and had planned to do so after lunch.
Right before lunch, after running errands in the building where I work, I glanced at my phone. Every email account and digital profile I had contained a message:
"Please call Dad."
Anyone living abroad, or somewhere that you can't get home quickly from knows that this a really bad message. This means bad shit has happened, because good news usually has a larger time window than bad news.
Due to above mentioned awesomeness, I used the office phone and called my Dad at 5 am to find out that my Grandma had passed away that morning.
Her last words were "I'm fine.".
With those words, the amazing life of one of the most consistently-nice people I have had the pleasure of knowing came to an end. 87 years of volunteering, mothering, grandmothering, and being the epitome of a "good person". My family told me that many more people came to the services than they had anticipated, and even the nursing home staff were in tears at the news of her passing (even though I wonder if you ever truly get used to loss).
On Monday, I put a card in the mail for her- a bouquet of flowers on the front, since they are easier to send that way. On Wednesday, it came back because its smaller, unusual shape called for more postage.
Thursday night, I made the tough call not to buy a ticket home for the next day. My family completely understands, but I wish I could be there to grieve with them.
The last time I saw her, Thanksgiving 2012, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told her "15 minutes with you, Grandma". As she was consistently very tired as of late, she asked me 5 minutes later if her time was up yet, but in a way that was more funny than rude. Later on, she looked at my rings, and asked me if I was engaged. When I replied that I was already married, she responded "That's right, Broom." and then was able to state our wedding anniversary, including the year (2010).
Was last week a crap week?
Hell yes.
But you know what my Grandma taught me?
Niceness pays off. And of course, I'll be fine.
It started off with a bunch of work crap going wrong, and whole lot of stress that I did not deal with well. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, a lot of my work had mistakes, and I felt like I was seriously done with feeling like we weren't getting anywhere.
Admittedly, I know I am undergoing hormone treatments and gearing up for my next cycle and insem, but it still felt like too much to handle- more than I was capable of dealing with. So, when Broom asked me about my day on Wednesday, I burst into inconsolable tears, and then again later that same night.
I want to be able to have more than two hobbies (blogging and working out)! Not work 50 hour weeks! Have time to help on strategic projects rather than drowning in a sea of administrative and urgent tasks!
My boss being as awesome as she is, I geared up to talk with her about it on Thursday, and had planned to do so after lunch.
Right before lunch, after running errands in the building where I work, I glanced at my phone. Every email account and digital profile I had contained a message:
"Please call Dad."
Anyone living abroad, or somewhere that you can't get home quickly from knows that this a really bad message. This means bad shit has happened, because good news usually has a larger time window than bad news.
Due to above mentioned awesomeness, I used the office phone and called my Dad at 5 am to find out that my Grandma had passed away that morning.
Her last words were "I'm fine.".
With those words, the amazing life of one of the most consistently-nice people I have had the pleasure of knowing came to an end. 87 years of volunteering, mothering, grandmothering, and being the epitome of a "good person". My family told me that many more people came to the services than they had anticipated, and even the nursing home staff were in tears at the news of her passing (even though I wonder if you ever truly get used to loss).
On Monday, I put a card in the mail for her- a bouquet of flowers on the front, since they are easier to send that way. On Wednesday, it came back because its smaller, unusual shape called for more postage.
Thursday night, I made the tough call not to buy a ticket home for the next day. My family completely understands, but I wish I could be there to grieve with them.
The last time I saw her, Thanksgiving 2012, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told her "15 minutes with you, Grandma". As she was consistently very tired as of late, she asked me 5 minutes later if her time was up yet, but in a way that was more funny than rude. Later on, she looked at my rings, and asked me if I was engaged. When I replied that I was already married, she responded "That's right, Broom." and then was able to state our wedding anniversary, including the year (2010).
Was last week a crap week?
Hell yes.
But you know what my Grandma taught me?
Niceness pays off. And of course, I'll be fine.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Week 2 of homeopathic treatments
Week two starts tomorrow!
I am doing the shots to strengthen my ovaries, twice a week as administered by my natural healer and drops for the parts of my brain responsible for hormone production (40 drops, diluted in some water, sipped slowly, 3x a day before meals).
While there are no side-effects whatsoever (there usually aren't with natural remedies), I ovulated this week on cycle day 14! I had been ovulating on day 16-19, so I am excited to see how long my cycle is this month, and will have to plan on getting my next follicle ultrasound done earlier next cycle, just in case.
Nevertheless, I am excited to see that there have already been changes, even after just a short amount of time!
Other than practicing patience in regards to next cycle, I have also been trying to manage my work stress with workouts and eating healthy. I am going to try and work with my boss so that my consistent overtime slowly becomes only occasional. I do feel like I am dealing with my stress differently and better, though. I am back to the mindset that I had when I ran the department myself, which is that I can only do so much in one day- and we really aren't saving lives here!
Enjoyed a really nice weekend with Broom, and we are slowly working our way through reorganizing rooms in our apartment, and getting rid of stuff we don't need feels really good.
All in all, I feel like I am truly taking care of me in a way I believe in, and it feels really good.
I am doing the shots to strengthen my ovaries, twice a week as administered by my natural healer and drops for the parts of my brain responsible for hormone production (40 drops, diluted in some water, sipped slowly, 3x a day before meals).
While there are no side-effects whatsoever (there usually aren't with natural remedies), I ovulated this week on cycle day 14! I had been ovulating on day 16-19, so I am excited to see how long my cycle is this month, and will have to plan on getting my next follicle ultrasound done earlier next cycle, just in case.
Nevertheless, I am excited to see that there have already been changes, even after just a short amount of time!
Other than practicing patience in regards to next cycle, I have also been trying to manage my work stress with workouts and eating healthy. I am going to try and work with my boss so that my consistent overtime slowly becomes only occasional. I do feel like I am dealing with my stress differently and better, though. I am back to the mindset that I had when I ran the department myself, which is that I can only do so much in one day- and we really aren't saving lives here!
Enjoyed a really nice weekend with Broom, and we are slowly working our way through reorganizing rooms in our apartment, and getting rid of stuff we don't need feels really good.
All in all, I feel like I am truly taking care of me in a way I believe in, and it feels really good.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Hormones
Well, it turns out that hormones really are a bitch, aren't they? This hormone-roller coaster that started with my thyroid problems just doesn't want to stop.
Someone, please tell me, where is the emergency brake?
Did some analysis of my chart data (who doesn't have oodles of data about their menstrual cycle?!?)and realized that since I took Clomid for the first time in April, that my period length shortened dramatically and has never gone back to what used to be "normal" for me. Even though, according to my last blood work, my thyroid was fine, I still worry that it could sneak back away from me, and I will have an under function again, which would most likely render me infertile. I am debating if I should ask the doctor for a monthly check to make sure the inseminations aren't a waste of money.
If that wasn't enough, as ordered by the fertility doc last time, my gyn took blood on my 14th cycle day and the results were not positive. My progesterone, LH, and Estradiol were all low. I am torn about whether or not I should even tell the fertility center about it, as they seem to really not give a shit about me as a person, nor my plans (as documented by them not being able to remember shit about us or telling us about vacation plans). I worry, that if they knew, they would just prescribe a bunch more drugs that would fuck up my system yet again. But, I also want the best care possible.
I just got back from the natural healer, though, and we will be doing shots to regulate my ovaries and drops to regulate the parts of my brain responsible for hormone production. Maybe I will give the results to the fertility center next time we are there? I don't feel like I owe them anything since they don't even have the respect to tell me about their vacation planning (I asked, twice, if they could please let me know about any potential other times where an insemination wouldn't be possible for us- no answer!).
The sad thing is that I have no idea if this is the best way to get me on the right track to conceiving or not, or if fertility testing is in order or not. (If I remember correctly, we didn't do a row of tests that the fertility center wanted us to do because they never really checked to see, and we didn't want to go broke on checking things out beforehand...)
What I do know is that I don't feel like things have been right in my body since I was on those fertility drugs, and that the only ones that really make sense to me are the trigger shots and the progesterone. The rest just feels like it has made me off center.
This feels right, and like I'd be moving along with my body and its natural rhythms, not against it. I just hope I'm right on this.
Someone, please tell me, where is the emergency brake?
Did some analysis of my chart data (who doesn't have oodles of data about their menstrual cycle?!?)and realized that since I took Clomid for the first time in April, that my period length shortened dramatically and has never gone back to what used to be "normal" for me. Even though, according to my last blood work, my thyroid was fine, I still worry that it could sneak back away from me, and I will have an under function again, which would most likely render me infertile. I am debating if I should ask the doctor for a monthly check to make sure the inseminations aren't a waste of money.
If that wasn't enough, as ordered by the fertility doc last time, my gyn took blood on my 14th cycle day and the results were not positive. My progesterone, LH, and Estradiol were all low. I am torn about whether or not I should even tell the fertility center about it, as they seem to really not give a shit about me as a person, nor my plans (as documented by them not being able to remember shit about us or telling us about vacation plans). I worry, that if they knew, they would just prescribe a bunch more drugs that would fuck up my system yet again. But, I also want the best care possible.
I just got back from the natural healer, though, and we will be doing shots to regulate my ovaries and drops to regulate the parts of my brain responsible for hormone production. Maybe I will give the results to the fertility center next time we are there? I don't feel like I owe them anything since they don't even have the respect to tell me about their vacation planning (I asked, twice, if they could please let me know about any potential other times where an insemination wouldn't be possible for us- no answer!).
The sad thing is that I have no idea if this is the best way to get me on the right track to conceiving or not, or if fertility testing is in order or not. (If I remember correctly, we didn't do a row of tests that the fertility center wanted us to do because they never really checked to see, and we didn't want to go broke on checking things out beforehand...)
What I do know is that I don't feel like things have been right in my body since I was on those fertility drugs, and that the only ones that really make sense to me are the trigger shots and the progesterone. The rest just feels like it has made me off center.
This feels right, and like I'd be moving along with my body and its natural rhythms, not against it. I just hope I'm right on this.
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