Feiertage

Ahh, the holidays!
They can be especially hard in the years that I can't make it home for Christmas, but this year was OK, all things considered. We kept things pretty low-key, and only spent the 24th with family (well, Broom's mom, but that was enough). Since it started off with comments from her that can lead one to run away screaming, we started drinking wine relatively early. That seemed to help, and the evening was even fun, playing monopoly, and me explaining to my somewhat homophobic mother in law all about all of the steps one has to go through in Germany to become pregnant as two women in a civil union.

It was rather interesting, to say the least, and in her subdued state, she couldn't change the subject (or I didn't let her, I don't really remember, come to think of it...).

The next morning was a little rough, which was only magnified by the fact that I caught Broom's cold and had a fever for about a day and a half. I am still carrying it around with me, now without fever. With any luck, I will be done with my coughing and stuffy nose, etc. by New Year's Eve.

For that ever-so-fateful evening (ha), we will be spending the night with 11 other women, 2 of whom we know quite well, and the rest are either acquaintances or strangers, and we are really looking forward to a quiet night with good food and good people.

Enjoy the holidays, Blogosphere!

Winter Wonderland

I came back from a wonderfully relaxing trip seeing my family to a cloud of snow, draped across the German countryside. I was so jet lagged at first, that when we finally did break the cloud cover to land at the bigger airport (before I flew on to my final destination), I thought there was something wrong with the clouds! That is what 4 flights in one "day" will do to you....

Amazingly, I didn't do much on my vacation, but I did soak up time with my family, doing homework with my nieces and being together with my 3 siblings (this was the first time we had all been together since 2009). One of my nieces in the 4th grade had to write someone a letter, and I convinces her to write me one. She asked me to come over to her house after her lice was gone! Luckily, I got a picture in before my sister had her change it. Funny moments like that are those that I really miss. But I am glad that I could really be "there" if that makes sense.

Also prevalent in my visit was explaining to my family how little rights we have, since a majority of them were heavily upset that Obama won. Now, "to each their own" and shit, but my argument to that- especially to my family is:

"Don't you ever want me to be able to live here again? With my wife?"

For many of them, that was enough to finally realize what DOMA truly takes away from me and them (since they say that I don't make it home often enough). Others countered with "Aren't you happy in Germany?"
Where I wanted to scream: SOOOO not the point here, people!!!

It can be hard when those I love don't understand what these laws mean; even though to be fair, I think most of them do not want to take away my rights when they voted for the opposition. However, it can be really trying not to take it personally. This is my life, and they voted to take away my rights- the rights of their daughter, sister, aunt, and cousin.

I can only hope, that in a few years, that they realize how important gay rights are. Generally, I really don't care who they vote for, since they love me the way I am, (although I think if we all supported one another more, our society would be a better one), but on this issue I only have the option to take it personally. I am a one issue voter here, and maybe through my explanations some of my family members will be too.

This issue is my life.

Third try is not a charm

Well, despite lots of good feelings, my temperature dropped (needs to stay high for pregnancy, drops when you get your period) and my period started. At least it was a clear "no" as my body tends to start periods oddly, which could lead me to belive that it is just implantation spotting. Now I can fly to see my family in the states today knowing the answer and knowing that we did what we could- it was a good, natural try.

Depending on how you look at it, it was our third total try, or our first try after finding out that my thyroid problems probably started up right before our first try without us knowing (the test a month before was fine). Either way, 6 tries is the average, and the more tries we do, the closer we get to a try that works. We have decided to do the next tries naturally as well, so that I can read my body better. I think I owe it to my reproductive system to let it do its thing all on its own, a sign of respect and trust if you will. We are so lucky that we can afford to give my body this chance and not get intimidated by the doctors and their insistance that we use fertility drugs, since multiples aren't really what we are trying for here!

So, I will get on a plane with mixed emotions today, but knowing how lucky we are to be doing this in the first place. It will be easier to have a drink with family than having to come up with excuses about why I cannot drink. On that note, since Christmas in Germany (and in the US, for that matter), is not a "dry" matter, we have decided that it would be less stress to have our next try in Jan. rather than rushing to the gyno right after I get back and seeing if we can get an appointment. This way, the holidays will just have their normal stress, which is quite enough, really.

Happy Thanksgiving, all! I know I have so much to be thankful for, especially my family (which will hopefully be bigger soon), and my dear Broom.

Only a little more waiting

...and we will know if it worked!

I have done a good job of being distracted, especially since work has been really busy.
The only thing that has been foiling my plans are the "signs" that I have been having (since we will only know later if they are actually signs or not).
They include: tender breasts (and one evening nipples of fire, OMFG, that woke me up), pulling in my uterus- every single day, mood swings, exhaustion, and peeing lots and lots among other things that are also PMS signs. So, I am trying to take it all with a grain block of salt. Additionally, I had a temperature drop and spike, which has stayed up today, and we will see what tomorrow brings.
Other than trying not to lose my mind- which I think Broom would confirm has been hit or miss depending on my current mood swing, I have been having a good week. Glad to be busy, but I will also be glad to know soon. We will test on Wednesday at the latest, maybe Tuesday if I can't stand it anymore and my temperature is still up.

Other than all of the waiting, work has at least provided me with some comic relief in the form of an employee from a personnel search company who kept on going on and on about someone he had that was perfect for HR. Even after we told him that we don't have a vacancy and don't know anyone who does, (Hello? Even if my sweater shows my belly a bit, don't assume anything here, it just makes you look like an ass because I was bloated during the meeting, mkay? And just because someone has a belly in Germany does not automatically mean that they are pregnant!), he sent us her profile summary. If that were not enough, he sent us the link to the website that he has for his bird breeding- which he spoke about in detail while there to talk about the company that he works for. He asked us to evaluate his website. Very professional!

Keep those fingers crossed and those thumbs pressed!

Either our timing was really good...

...or really bad! Regardless, we will know in about two weeks. We will see if I am patient enough to actually wait until the 23rd to take a test, or if I take one before I fly back to the states for Thanksgiving on the 21st. If we wait, I will have to take the test on Skype with Broom, which would certainly be very cute.

So, yesterday we woke up and went and picked up my sick note from the local gyno before I drove Broom to an interview and waited for her to get done. The interview went well and we were able to start our approx. 2 hour drive (unfortunately right past the exit where I work, so NO stress there, haha) to the clinic for our appointment at 13:30. We got there an hour and half early and took a half an hour power nap in the car, wrapped up in blankets I have there for emergencies. We were both completely out cold! We walked into the clinic the required 30 minutes early and had to wait until about 14:00 to actually get into the treatment room. I had been having ovulation pain all morning, so I was surprised that my egg was still there, but it was! (The ultrasound for that costs €30 more than at my gyno, which was unfortunately not a surprise.)

Our Dr. (the first insem we have actually had him for, the other times it was someone else) said it was no problem for Broom to push the plunger and that his appointment calendar was such that we could also stay in the room with me tilted back for 15 minutes. We lied when they asked if we did the shot, and then he told me to do two more to assist implantation, but neglected to ask if we needed a prescription, so we didn't tell him we only have one shot at home, which we aren't going to use. So, completely natural this cycle!

Now, I am sitting here drinking my after-ovulation tea, trying not to read too much into my temp this morning, as I think my thermometer is broken. My temp had dropped, according to my first reading, but after seeing that, I put 2 thermometers in my mouth at the same time and got really different readings (don't you have a thermometer collection, too?). Anywho, I can't change anything now if I wanted to, and I still feel good about this month. I am curious to see if I can resist taking an OPK test today, but I didn't take one yesterday and my first positive was on Thursday at 14:30, which would have been perfect.

Now, on to the waiting!

The art of taking ovulation tests at work

I have become an expert this week! Yay me!
With my cheap tests that I bought online (which have worked no problem), I have peed in plastic cups in the bathroom at work where I thought I would not be disturbed. Then, I placed the test in the liquid before carefully putting the test back on its packaging either on the TP dispenser or the floor. Afterwards, I emptied the cup and threw it away before putting the test it put back in its packaging and either putting it carefully in my pocket or carefully under my bra strap.

Option two, which I have never tried (to not look like the weirdo who doesn't go to the bathroom without a plastic cup in hand) is cupping your hand and peeing in that before following the other steps (tip: use your dry hand to put the test down and get TP to dry off your wet hand). Don't ask me how I know, but at least my commitment cannot be called into question!

So, my constant OPK testing has paid off! After a bunch of light lines, I finally got a nice bright positive this afternoon. Alll without any meds!

This morning, my gyno said that I had "textbook" cervical mucous (this is the same doctor who told me I look like I had lost a bunch of weight since my breasts are so big, so she is great with awkward compliments) and measured a follicle on my right side with 20mm and a cushy endometrium! After the great news, I called the clinic who waited 3 hours to call back and give me an appointment. They told me to use an hCG shot right away and come in tomorrow morning. Ah, no thank you, I'm at work and obviously my body is doing it's own thing without any chemicals. Since the shot usually triggers ovulation 36 hours after injection, it would be a waste anyway, and all signs point to ovulation tomorrow- so no way, José. I told the nurse (since the Dr. has only once called me himself), who seemed flabbergasted- but then again, it is my body. So there. Hopefully the Dr. won't be upset, but he can deal with it.

Keep your fingers crossed tomorrow! I feel a little bad missing important meetings at work, but getting pregnant is more important than that to me (and my local gyno offered to give me a sick note so that mine isn't from the clinic, which is in another city and might raise some questions- really sweet of her).

Oh, please treat me (like a second-class citizen)

I started off the week with a good feeling about this cycle, even though the government here decided against giving same-sex civil unions the same tax benefits. For us, this makes a big difference. I am lucky enough to have a good paying job, so that all we have to do in a month where we are trying is spend a little less, or I offset something for a month to my credit card and pay it off the next month. Once (I am still hopeful) we get these rights, I would pay considerably less in taxes...so now we have to figure out how we want to submit our tax return from last year. Grrr.

This good feeling continued with my follicle ultrasound on Friday, which reported 3 follicles, 1 of which was 12mm (which is just fine for day 9, and that rhymes). I called the clinic, and they were in a hurry, talked to the dr. and then told me to get another ultrasound on Monday, and blood tests, and byebye (no time for questions!). Luckily enough, the local dr. squeezed me in (hey, I am paying out of pocket = truly shorter waiting times at the gyno), and then proceeded to let me know that 2 out of 3 of the blood results clinic dr. wanted (E2/Estradiol, LH, and progesterone) don't really make sense to get now, since I am in the middle of my cycle.


After that fun, the ultrasound showed that the biggest follicle that was on my left ovary on Friday was gone, and I either ovulated already, or won't ovulate this cycle, "which happens even at your age". I was completely confused, since it was only day 12 and I usually ovulate on day 14-16, so it was way too early, and all of my statistics with my basal temp (which NO ONE ever asks to see, but I refuse to ignore) didn't jive with an ovulation that early. But, I forgot to ask if maybe your temp doesn't jump when you don't ovulate...and, the gyno didn't seem to care that I had been using LH strips since Sat. and had only had a very faint, not yet positive line. GAH.

So, I am going to *gasp* trust my body, and assume that I have yet to ovulate and keep artfully taking OPKs at work (which really is a science, as I don't want my boss to know). We will see what comes first- a +OPK today, or a good ultrasound tomorrow telling me that I have, indeed, yet to ovulate.


On a lovely side note- thank the stars that Obama won again! Maybe, one day, we will have the option of living in the US, if we choose to do so. I read it and cried!