I have become an expert this week! Yay me!
With my cheap tests that I bought online (which have worked no problem), I have peed in plastic cups in the bathroom at work where I thought I would not be disturbed. Then, I placed the test in the liquid before carefully putting the test back on its packaging either on the TP dispenser or the floor. Afterwards, I emptied the cup and threw it away before putting the test it put back in its packaging and either putting it carefully in my pocket or carefully under my bra strap.
Option two, which I have never tried (to not look like the weirdo who doesn't go to the bathroom without a plastic cup in hand) is cupping your hand and peeing in that before following the other steps (tip: use your dry hand to put the test down and get TP to dry off your wet hand). Don't ask me how I know, but at least my commitment cannot be called into question!
So, my constant OPK testing has paid off! After a bunch of light lines, I finally got a nice bright positive this afternoon. Alll without any meds!
This morning, my gyno said that I had "textbook" cervical mucous (this is the same doctor who told me I look like I had lost a bunch of weight since my breasts are so big, so she is great with awkward compliments) and measured a follicle on my right side with 20mm and a cushy endometrium! After the great news, I called the clinic who waited 3 hours to call back and give me an appointment. They told me to use an hCG shot right away and come in tomorrow morning. Ah, no thank you, I'm at work and obviously my body is doing it's own thing without any chemicals. Since the shot usually triggers ovulation 36 hours after injection, it would be a waste anyway, and all signs point to ovulation tomorrow- so no way, José. I told the nurse (since the Dr. has only once called me himself), who seemed flabbergasted- but then again, it is my body. So there. Hopefully the Dr. won't be upset, but he can deal with it.
Keep your fingers crossed tomorrow! I feel a little bad missing important meetings at work, but getting pregnant is more important than that to me (and my local gyno offered to give me a sick note so that mine isn't from the clinic, which is in another city and might raise some questions- really sweet of her).
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Oh, please treat me (like a second-class citizen)
I started off the week with a good feeling about this cycle, even
though the government here decided against giving same-sex civil unions
the same tax benefits. For us, this makes a big difference. I am lucky
enough to have a good paying job, so that all we have to do in a month
where we are trying is spend a little less, or I offset something for a
month to my credit card and pay it off the next month. Once (I am still
hopeful) we get these rights, I would pay considerably less in
taxes...so now we have to figure out how we want to submit our tax
return from last year. Grrr.
This good feeling continued with my follicle ultrasound on Friday, which reported 3 follicles, 1 of which was 12mm (which is just fine for day 9, and that rhymes). I called the clinic, and they were in a hurry, talked to the dr. and then told me to get another ultrasound on Monday, and blood tests, and byebye (no time for questions!). Luckily enough, the local dr. squeezed me in (hey, I am paying out of pocket = truly shorter waiting times at the gyno), and then proceeded to let me know that 2 out of 3 of the blood results clinic dr. wanted (E2/Estradiol, LH, and progesterone) don't really make sense to get now, since I am in the middle of my cycle.
After that fun, the ultrasound showed that the biggest follicle that was on my left ovary on Friday was gone, and I either ovulated already, or won't ovulate this cycle, "which happens even at your age". I was completely confused, since it was only day 12 and I usually ovulate on day 14-16, so it was way too early, and all of my statistics with my basal temp (which NO ONE ever asks to see, but I refuse to ignore) didn't jive with an ovulation that early. But, I forgot to ask if maybe your temp doesn't jump when you don't ovulate...and, the gyno didn't seem to care that I had been using LH strips since Sat. and had only had a very faint, not yet positive line. GAH.
So, I am going to *gasp* trust my body, and assume that I have yet to ovulate and keep artfully taking OPKs at work (which really is a science, as I don't want my boss to know). We will see what comes first- a +OPK today, or a good ultrasound tomorrow telling me that I have, indeed, yet to ovulate.
On a lovely side note- thank the stars that Obama won again! Maybe, one day, we will have the option of living in the US, if we choose to do so. I read it and cried!
This good feeling continued with my follicle ultrasound on Friday, which reported 3 follicles, 1 of which was 12mm (which is just fine for day 9, and that rhymes). I called the clinic, and they were in a hurry, talked to the dr. and then told me to get another ultrasound on Monday, and blood tests, and byebye (no time for questions!). Luckily enough, the local dr. squeezed me in (hey, I am paying out of pocket = truly shorter waiting times at the gyno), and then proceeded to let me know that 2 out of 3 of the blood results clinic dr. wanted (E2/Estradiol, LH, and progesterone) don't really make sense to get now, since I am in the middle of my cycle.
After that fun, the ultrasound showed that the biggest follicle that was on my left ovary on Friday was gone, and I either ovulated already, or won't ovulate this cycle, "which happens even at your age". I was completely confused, since it was only day 12 and I usually ovulate on day 14-16, so it was way too early, and all of my statistics with my basal temp (which NO ONE ever asks to see, but I refuse to ignore) didn't jive with an ovulation that early. But, I forgot to ask if maybe your temp doesn't jump when you don't ovulate...and, the gyno didn't seem to care that I had been using LH strips since Sat. and had only had a very faint, not yet positive line. GAH.
So, I am going to *gasp* trust my body, and assume that I have yet to ovulate and keep artfully taking OPKs at work (which really is a science, as I don't want my boss to know). We will see what comes first- a +OPK today, or a good ultrasound tomorrow telling me that I have, indeed, yet to ovulate.
On a lovely side note- thank the stars that Obama won again! Maybe, one day, we will have the option of living in the US, if we choose to do so. I read it and cried!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
I know I shouldn't feel guilty about all the "shoulds"...
...but of course, I do! Some might attribute this to my religious
upbringing (13 years of Catholic schooling, check!), but I think a part
of it can be attributed to culture, and of course, some of it is just
plain old me.
A (random) list of "shoulds" running around in my head right now:
- shorten curtains in the kids room
- staple back of cupboard back on
- meditate to be calmer for the insem next week
- stop guessing when the insem might be, (since the doctor hasn't set a date yet), so as to think about how bad me missing a day at work might be and if my boss notices that the doctor's note is from really far away...
- start learning Spanish again
- clean out papers and organize kids room
- do taxes, since the German lawmakers decided not to give Broom and I tax rights even though this was declared unconstitutional (WTF?)
- finish my book
All of this, floating around my head even though I used this random, middle of the week holiday to help a friend move, start a new loaf of bread, make dinner, and am going to the gym later. I have been progressively working on getting rid of those feelings of needing to be productive, and Broom has been a big help in helping me get leveled here. In fact, it seems as if she has slowed me down a bit in this respect and I have sped her up, which is working out great, but is indeed a long process. Hopefully I am right in thinking that everyone feels this way at least some of the time, although often I wonder "how do they make it all look so easy?"
Speaking of helping my friend move- should I feel guilty about having stumbled across her dildo/vibrator? They were not very organized, and somehow I was packing her top drawers, and there it was in all of its red glory. I just wrapped the undershirts around it so that maybe she would think that I didn't see it and packed it away and labeled the box with her name (so hopefully she will be the one who opens it and not her kids). A moving company really would have been a good investment for them, but I am NOT lifting weights at the gym tonight.
On that note, I am off to do the curtains!
A (random) list of "shoulds" running around in my head right now:
- shorten curtains in the kids room
- staple back of cupboard back on
- meditate to be calmer for the insem next week
- stop guessing when the insem might be, (since the doctor hasn't set a date yet), so as to think about how bad me missing a day at work might be and if my boss notices that the doctor's note is from really far away...
- start learning Spanish again
- clean out papers and organize kids room
- do taxes, since the German lawmakers decided not to give Broom and I tax rights even though this was declared unconstitutional (WTF?)
- finish my book
All of this, floating around my head even though I used this random, middle of the week holiday to help a friend move, start a new loaf of bread, make dinner, and am going to the gym later. I have been progressively working on getting rid of those feelings of needing to be productive, and Broom has been a big help in helping me get leveled here. In fact, it seems as if she has slowed me down a bit in this respect and I have sped her up, which is working out great, but is indeed a long process. Hopefully I am right in thinking that everyone feels this way at least some of the time, although often I wonder "how do they make it all look so easy?"
Speaking of helping my friend move- should I feel guilty about having stumbled across her dildo/vibrator? They were not very organized, and somehow I was packing her top drawers, and there it was in all of its red glory. I just wrapped the undershirts around it so that maybe she would think that I didn't see it and packed it away and labeled the box with her name (so hopefully she will be the one who opens it and not her kids). A moving company really would have been a good investment for them, but I am NOT lifting weights at the gym tonight.
On that note, I am off to do the curtains!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Start your engines
Ironic, isn't it?
First, I post about having free time, then I kind of briefly, forget that I have a blog.
Happens to the best of us, amirite?
Anywho, since I tempted the universe with that post, my workload blew up in my face, leading to the new feeling that 10 hour days were "short". I am, however, still eternally grateful that my boss is the bee's knees & at least half of all of our employee issues are her responsibility & I get to play a supporting role. (Oh, how I would love to be able to blog about each of them in detail!) Let's just sum all of them up with "What do you mean I can't send a completely disrespectful and unprofessional email to HR and not expect consequences?!?" Um...no.
Other than work, I am glad to say that Broom's stress has also gotten less, which means that things are altogether running more smoothly.
It was the perfect setup to go on a 1.5 week vaycay to Dublin. The city is so highly idealized where I come from that I had really high expectations. It wasn't as "old" looking as I had expected, but it was great fun and visiting the neighboring coastal cities was amazing. Also, some of the nicest locals I have ever met! They go out of their way to make sure you get help, even taking time out of their own busy commute. Catching up with my rents and relaxing was just what I needed.
Luckily, I was able to come back to the news that I am healthy again!
Told the Dr. via email right away, so we should be able to try again in about 3 weeks.
It feels good to know we can start working towards this goal of ours again.
First, I post about having free time, then I kind of briefly, forget that I have a blog.
Happens to the best of us, amirite?
Anywho, since I tempted the universe with that post, my workload blew up in my face, leading to the new feeling that 10 hour days were "short". I am, however, still eternally grateful that my boss is the bee's knees & at least half of all of our employee issues are her responsibility & I get to play a supporting role. (Oh, how I would love to be able to blog about each of them in detail!) Let's just sum all of them up with "What do you mean I can't send a completely disrespectful and unprofessional email to HR and not expect consequences?!?" Um...no.
Other than work, I am glad to say that Broom's stress has also gotten less, which means that things are altogether running more smoothly.
It was the perfect setup to go on a 1.5 week vaycay to Dublin. The city is so highly idealized where I come from that I had really high expectations. It wasn't as "old" looking as I had expected, but it was great fun and visiting the neighboring coastal cities was amazing. Also, some of the nicest locals I have ever met! They go out of their way to make sure you get help, even taking time out of their own busy commute. Catching up with my rents and relaxing was just what I needed.
Luckily, I was able to come back to the news that I am healthy again!
Told the Dr. via email right away, so we should be able to try again in about 3 weeks.
It feels good to know we can start working towards this goal of ours again.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
And then there was free time?!?
It is quite an odd sensation, suddenly not to have all of the responsibility at work.
I wasn't sure how it would go, or if I would like it.
To be honest, I am still getting used to it, but I quite like it!
Now, I can ask someone for help and a second opinion AND we can split the work.
To boot, she is my boss and an incredibly nice person who I feel like I can be friends with and trust to be a great coworker. It feels like a new beginning, after the past year filled with tons of overtime and stress.
Being able to go home at normal times is something that I will definately have to get used to as time goes on, but I think I am going to be surprisingly ok with not being the boss anymore. It isn't my time yet, I have other priorities and am slowly getting more time to think about which ones I would like to put first. Thinking about myself and what to do with my free time is the more scary part, but since it will be a gradual change to just 40 hours a week, I think I will slowly be able to get used to having a balanced life again.
That sounds just about right!
I wasn't sure how it would go, or if I would like it.
To be honest, I am still getting used to it, but I quite like it!
Now, I can ask someone for help and a second opinion AND we can split the work.
To boot, she is my boss and an incredibly nice person who I feel like I can be friends with and trust to be a great coworker. It feels like a new beginning, after the past year filled with tons of overtime and stress.
Being able to go home at normal times is something that I will definately have to get used to as time goes on, but I think I am going to be surprisingly ok with not being the boss anymore. It isn't my time yet, I have other priorities and am slowly getting more time to think about which ones I would like to put first. Thinking about myself and what to do with my free time is the more scary part, but since it will be a gradual change to just 40 hours a week, I think I will slowly be able to get used to having a balanced life again.
That sounds just about right!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Family Fun
The past couple of weeks have been filled with more family time than I am used to, and most of it was a pleasant surprise (or, at least a partial surprise).
My brother is in the Army and I knew he might get sent to the Schland for a class from where he is currently deployed in the Middle East, but I also knew that it quite possibly wouldn't happen either. So, to my surprise, he told me on Thursday that it was looking good, and let me know that he had his ticket on Friday. On Saturday, he called at 7am to say he was in Istanbul.
The Broom and I hopped in the car and drove 3 hours to where he was and we hung out for Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday before we had to drive back (this was the weekend before our birthday- so it was a great present for us to be able to almost spend it together for the first time in over 5 years). This past weekend he was able to drive up to see us and our apartment and the beautiful city we live in.
Yesterday we got to hike through some breathtaking landscapes that are really close to where we live, which reminded us to get out and discover them more. I think most of us have some sort of piece of impressive nature nearby that we often take for granted and forget to explore. We will be doing our best to regularly explore these wonders!
On the flip side, I realized how disconnected from my in-laws I feel. Not only have many of them rejected Broom in multiple ways, but they make no effort to show interest in us or what we are doing. They don't agree with our lifestyle, and haven't learned to express love for us despite that. I told my mother in law how all of this made us feel and how I am not ashamed of anything and that it hurts that she doesn't defend us (along with a list of other things). The sad part is, that she admitted that what I said wouldn't change how she treats us- I just made sure to emphasize again that we will not bring any children we have around people that make them feel less than loved for who they are.
It may still be awhile until we can try again (my Thyroid still isn't where it should be, and they have upped my dosage), but when we can and do get pregnant, I will not having family making our children ashamed for the loving household that brought them into this world. They will have to fight against that early enough, so as long as I can control that influence, I will.
My brother is in the Army and I knew he might get sent to the Schland for a class from where he is currently deployed in the Middle East, but I also knew that it quite possibly wouldn't happen either. So, to my surprise, he told me on Thursday that it was looking good, and let me know that he had his ticket on Friday. On Saturday, he called at 7am to say he was in Istanbul.
The Broom and I hopped in the car and drove 3 hours to where he was and we hung out for Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday before we had to drive back (this was the weekend before our birthday- so it was a great present for us to be able to almost spend it together for the first time in over 5 years). This past weekend he was able to drive up to see us and our apartment and the beautiful city we live in.
Yesterday we got to hike through some breathtaking landscapes that are really close to where we live, which reminded us to get out and discover them more. I think most of us have some sort of piece of impressive nature nearby that we often take for granted and forget to explore. We will be doing our best to regularly explore these wonders!
On the flip side, I realized how disconnected from my in-laws I feel. Not only have many of them rejected Broom in multiple ways, but they make no effort to show interest in us or what we are doing. They don't agree with our lifestyle, and haven't learned to express love for us despite that. I told my mother in law how all of this made us feel and how I am not ashamed of anything and that it hurts that she doesn't defend us (along with a list of other things). The sad part is, that she admitted that what I said wouldn't change how she treats us- I just made sure to emphasize again that we will not bring any children we have around people that make them feel less than loved for who they are.
It may still be awhile until we can try again (my Thyroid still isn't where it should be, and they have upped my dosage), but when we can and do get pregnant, I will not having family making our children ashamed for the loving household that brought them into this world. They will have to fight against that early enough, so as long as I can control that influence, I will.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Appearances
Many Germans are all about "looking the part" and appearing to have it all pulled together.
So much so, that those who work as maids will often wear nice clothes on public transportation, change into their work clothes at work, and back into their nice clothes for the bus ride home.
The same is seen in the gym- people come in after work in their work clothes, change into workout clothes, and then put back on their work clothes (If these people always showered in between, I would get it, but many do not since I am at the cheap gym where you have to pay to use the showers.). All because those clothes aren't appropriate for going out.
My in-laws are similar, dressing up to see one another- all the time- and criticizing us if we don't.
I hope I never overrate appearances, because there is so much you just don't see.
The hurt of someone who has just lost a loved family member, the worry of someone rushing off to an interview, the depression of someone struggling with the disease, all of these things can be hidden by looking "normal" or "ordentlich" (orderly). It is so freeing to know that it doesn't matter what appears- you may be a "straight-looking" woman who gets weird looks at bars and clubs when you are with your wife- but YOU know who YOU are and often, appearances don't reflect that.
Right now, I appear to be putting all of my energy into work, but I am holding back in the hopes that the bloodwork they drew today will let me know on Friday that we can begin trying to become pregnant again. And that's where I need my energy.
So much so, that those who work as maids will often wear nice clothes on public transportation, change into their work clothes at work, and back into their nice clothes for the bus ride home.
The same is seen in the gym- people come in after work in their work clothes, change into workout clothes, and then put back on their work clothes (If these people always showered in between, I would get it, but many do not since I am at the cheap gym where you have to pay to use the showers.). All because those clothes aren't appropriate for going out.
My in-laws are similar, dressing up to see one another- all the time- and criticizing us if we don't.
I hope I never overrate appearances, because there is so much you just don't see.
The hurt of someone who has just lost a loved family member, the worry of someone rushing off to an interview, the depression of someone struggling with the disease, all of these things can be hidden by looking "normal" or "ordentlich" (orderly). It is so freeing to know that it doesn't matter what appears- you may be a "straight-looking" woman who gets weird looks at bars and clubs when you are with your wife- but YOU know who YOU are and often, appearances don't reflect that.
Right now, I appear to be putting all of my energy into work, but I am holding back in the hopes that the bloodwork they drew today will let me know on Friday that we can begin trying to become pregnant again. And that's where I need my energy.
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