There are a whole hell of a lot of things that I have learned since becoming a mother.
One of those things is that I am glad that I did not have expectations about what my child would be like. This turned out to be a good thing since I never would have guessed that my child would have Epilepsy.
Although I am almost always able to put things in perspective and appreciate the fact that Shrimpy's Epilepsy isn't severe, is well managed, and hasn't caused any delays as far as we can tell, sometimes I don't want to be reasonable about it.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have been typical first-time parents- freaking out about little things and having sleep as the biggest worry. I also dream about what it would have been like to have had two weeks off with Broom and Shrimpy, getting to know one another and letting my body recover from birth.
Instead I was on my feet within the hospital and lost a lot of blood, healed badly, had edema on my feet and hands, a bout with depression, PTSD and nightmares. Instead, I kept my baby within eyesight for longer than I care to admit- first in person, then with a video baby monitor. My biggest worry was that I would miss a seizure, she wouldn't breathe, and she would get brain damage or die. I had a lot of anxiety about all of those things.
Those are hard words to write. But I learned to "feel" her moods and try and just let the risk be. Will it be there for a long, long time. Will it ever go away? I really don't know.
But I also know that there are mothers out there who would be happy to "just" have those worries.
I know I am lucky, and I know that I am strong, as is Shrimpy.
Somehow, through all of that, we managed to breastfeed for 13 months.
Somehow, we managed to not let Epilepsy rule our life.
Do I wonder what life would be like without a bed monitor and video monitor for my Shrimpy? Do I wonder if the medicine made her personality different? Sure.
Luckily, most of the time, I don't wonder if we are doing the right thing because it just feels right.
These things make our family feel good:
- We speak openly about her Epilepsy so that she knows there is nothing to be ashamed of-we are even working on her learning on how to give herself her medicine
- We don't ask for her to be treated differently- but we do avoid her triggers (so, sleep is holy and disco balls are not our friends)
- We don't watch TV with her- screen time is limited to an occasional Sesame Street song on a cell phone
- We keep to a schedule that we try not to make too busy and think twice about when we decide to act outside of it
So, on today, like every other day, I will let myself mourn the life I didn't have while concentrating on the awesome life I do have- with an amazing wife and wonderful child who never ceases to amaze me.
Shrimpy may be special needs in her own way- but I have come to the conclusion that each child has their own special needs and each life has its "normal".
Friday, October 16, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
What do you want to be when you grow up?
For a long time, I thought I would become a doctor. Coming from a family of medical personnel, it seemed doable. Until I had high school chemistry. Which I hated.
Then, I thought I could become a writer. But, then I realized that the world is full of writers and that it is very hard to make a living as a writer.
So, I decided to do what I was good at, and studied languages.
Since I didn't want to be a translator, I got an MBA and went into marketing.
It turns out that marketing managers often aren't nice people and I have trouble caring about selling stuff that helps no one and in fact could hurt people. So, I transferred to HR.
For awhile, I thought I was helping people because I could help them get answers and lend an open ears in time of stress, etc. For awhile before my leave, it felt like I started to drown in nonsense. Like we no longer treated people as capable adults. We also added so many processes that our processes have processes.
To add insult to injury, the strategic projects that I was in charge of before are now gone since my replacement wasn't qualified to do them. And now, since my boss is having trouble getting meaningful work for herself as well, which understandably means that most meaningful work she keeps for herself.
In a nutshell: I am bored and I feel like 85% of what I do is meaningless and treats my "customers" like they are utter idiots. It is hard.
A part of me feels like my inner hippie needs out- in reality I see myself as a darn crunchy mom and friend who would love to do something where it would matter if I didn't do it- something where I am actually helping and / or writing- doing something more freely.
If only it weren't for those pesky student loans that I probably have 10 years or more left to pay back on. Or maybe, just maybe, I can do both. It would be a lot of work, trying to write enough on the side, but who knows- maybe I would finally feel like I am what I should be, now that I am a grownup.
In the meantime I am trying my best not to let the stress of work get to me and put off the feeling that my cells are slowly bonding with my outdated desk as I sit away my days- at least I earn a good wage (and I am grateful for what it provides us!)- but sometimes things get so ridiculous and nonsensical that I want to run away screaming.
Writing instead seems to be helping for now, at least.
Then, I thought I could become a writer. But, then I realized that the world is full of writers and that it is very hard to make a living as a writer.
So, I decided to do what I was good at, and studied languages.
Since I didn't want to be a translator, I got an MBA and went into marketing.
It turns out that marketing managers often aren't nice people and I have trouble caring about selling stuff that helps no one and in fact could hurt people. So, I transferred to HR.
For awhile, I thought I was helping people because I could help them get answers and lend an open ears in time of stress, etc. For awhile before my leave, it felt like I started to drown in nonsense. Like we no longer treated people as capable adults. We also added so many processes that our processes have processes.
To add insult to injury, the strategic projects that I was in charge of before are now gone since my replacement wasn't qualified to do them. And now, since my boss is having trouble getting meaningful work for herself as well, which understandably means that most meaningful work she keeps for herself.
In a nutshell: I am bored and I feel like 85% of what I do is meaningless and treats my "customers" like they are utter idiots. It is hard.
A part of me feels like my inner hippie needs out- in reality I see myself as a darn crunchy mom and friend who would love to do something where it would matter if I didn't do it- something where I am actually helping and / or writing- doing something more freely.
If only it weren't for those pesky student loans that I probably have 10 years or more left to pay back on. Or maybe, just maybe, I can do both. It would be a lot of work, trying to write enough on the side, but who knows- maybe I would finally feel like I am what I should be, now that I am a grownup.
In the meantime I am trying my best not to let the stress of work get to me and put off the feeling that my cells are slowly bonding with my outdated desk as I sit away my days- at least I earn a good wage (and I am grateful for what it provides us!)- but sometimes things get so ridiculous and nonsensical that I want to run away screaming.
Writing instead seems to be helping for now, at least.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Oh, hey.
So...um...awkward silence?
I would apologize for writing, but the truth is, I am not sorry. Turns out I needed the time to come more fully into my role as a mother and enjoy our little family oasis before starting work again in February 2015.
Now, I feel like I can write again- but where to start?
With the little one, of course!
Luckily, we are all doing well. Shrimpy still has her undefined form of Epilepsy but had her last petit mal in October of 2014 and her last grand mal in April of 2014. She has myoclonic seizures at times, but they haven't influenced her in any way other than being a pain since she gets them in that in-between falling asleep phase (imagine a whole body jerk- like those that everyone has at some times, but with 50 in 30 minutes- that is how we knew they were epileptic). She doesn't seem to have any other type, and we have her down to 2 medications and want to see if we can get her to 1 medication this year if possible.
Her development is right on track if not a little ahead, which we are over the moon about. Her head circumference is a little on the small side, but it isn't noticeable. There could be a connection between that and her Epilepsy, but it is hard to tell. She has been walking since the end of February, which is also when she self-weaned (probably because I started work at the beginning of February and my daughter doesn't like to expend too much energy if she doesn't have to). Her vocabulary has been growing in leaps and bounds in both languages and she has been to the US twice now. She is sweet and funny and stubborn and curious and I love her so. We got our first choice for her daycare and she runs in without saying goodbye. It is awesome and pulls on the heartstrings a little too. She runs towards us giggling when we pick her up though, which totally rocks.
What else?
Broom and I are great. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is in September, which is just crazy. Life gets hectic every once and awhile and we have to remember to take time for one another- but I think many couples have that. We moved in April due to mold in our old apartment and our new one is definitely much bigger and nicer- two floors and lots of space for when we decide to end Shrimpy's status as an only child. That project should be starting soon- and the plan is for Broom to carry! We found a naturally-oriented gyno who I really like, and I hope she feels the same way. The gyno has agreed to help us all that she can in our future child making endeavors.
Going back to work has been anti-climactic. My job was adjusted for the woman who replaced me and since she was less qualified than me, a lot of tasks are gone and I am quite honestly, bored (I am aware that that sounds like I am putting myself on a pedestal, but it is very much a different job). I am working on getting them back and also applying when new jobs come up. We will see where it takes me. All in all, the transition has been ok though. Do I wish that my job was stimulating and fulfilling so that I didn't feel like the cells in my body are turning into the same material as my outdated desk? Sure. But I know I am damn lucky to have a job, and it makes a lot of things possible for us which I am grateful for.
I would apologize for writing, but the truth is, I am not sorry. Turns out I needed the time to come more fully into my role as a mother and enjoy our little family oasis before starting work again in February 2015.
Now, I feel like I can write again- but where to start?
With the little one, of course!
Luckily, we are all doing well. Shrimpy still has her undefined form of Epilepsy but had her last petit mal in October of 2014 and her last grand mal in April of 2014. She has myoclonic seizures at times, but they haven't influenced her in any way other than being a pain since she gets them in that in-between falling asleep phase (imagine a whole body jerk- like those that everyone has at some times, but with 50 in 30 minutes- that is how we knew they were epileptic). She doesn't seem to have any other type, and we have her down to 2 medications and want to see if we can get her to 1 medication this year if possible.
Her development is right on track if not a little ahead, which we are over the moon about. Her head circumference is a little on the small side, but it isn't noticeable. There could be a connection between that and her Epilepsy, but it is hard to tell. She has been walking since the end of February, which is also when she self-weaned (probably because I started work at the beginning of February and my daughter doesn't like to expend too much energy if she doesn't have to). Her vocabulary has been growing in leaps and bounds in both languages and she has been to the US twice now. She is sweet and funny and stubborn and curious and I love her so. We got our first choice for her daycare and she runs in without saying goodbye. It is awesome and pulls on the heartstrings a little too. She runs towards us giggling when we pick her up though, which totally rocks.
What else?
Broom and I are great. Our 5 year wedding anniversary is in September, which is just crazy. Life gets hectic every once and awhile and we have to remember to take time for one another- but I think many couples have that. We moved in April due to mold in our old apartment and our new one is definitely much bigger and nicer- two floors and lots of space for when we decide to end Shrimpy's status as an only child. That project should be starting soon- and the plan is for Broom to carry! We found a naturally-oriented gyno who I really like, and I hope she feels the same way. The gyno has agreed to help us all that she can in our future child making endeavors.
Going back to work has been anti-climactic. My job was adjusted for the woman who replaced me and since she was less qualified than me, a lot of tasks are gone and I am quite honestly, bored (I am aware that that sounds like I am putting myself on a pedestal, but it is very much a different job). I am working on getting them back and also applying when new jobs come up. We will see where it takes me. All in all, the transition has been ok though. Do I wish that my job was stimulating and fulfilling so that I didn't feel like the cells in my body are turning into the same material as my outdated desk? Sure. But I know I am damn lucky to have a job, and it makes a lot of things possible for us which I am grateful for.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
A pat on the back
As you can see, my resolution to blog more frequently is more easily said than done.... but I am doing my best to keep all guilty feelings in check- which, with a Catholic school upbringing nicht immer einfach ist.
However, given our past with Shrimpy, I think getting caught up in day-to-day things is something that I can really be thankful for, and I have really been enjoying the small stuff.
As of this writing, she has been seizure free for 3 months and 8 days. Every day without is truly a gift. We have slowly been reducing one of her meds since 3 is a lot, and (**knocks on an entire forest**) it is going well so far. I am still processing the trauma that we have been through, but think that it will take a long while. Perhaps I will seek out a therapist, but I'm not sure yet. My nightmares have gotten better, and I can sometimes forget that we have the threat of seizures breathing down our necks and am determined to have us all live as normally as possible.
Since my last post post concentrated a lot on the hard realities that we have been through, I am going to brag a bit, and list the things that make me proud at the moment because I can:
- Shrimpy and I exclusively breast fed for 6 months (despite 2 illness periods where she was too weak to drink)! In fact, we have somehow managed to have no major difficulties other than the times she was ill. I feel really lucky that our breastfeeding relationship has been so solid. On her half birthday, we gave her sweet potato to try out (baby led weaning). She isn't quite ready, but we keep practicing for when she is ready.
- We made the family decision to try having her sleep in her own room since all 3 of us were no longer sleeping well, and since then, we have all slept great!
- Shrimpy has a slightly smaller than normal head circumference, but everything else is normal. She has more than doubled her birth weight and has met all of her developmental milestones. She turned over in both directions in May and did it a few times afterwards, but has since been distracted with other things- like her feet!
- The few trips we have taken as a family have been great- with very little fussiness and no trouble sleeping elsewhere. Yay!
- We got a spot in our first choice for daycare- one right around the corner with phenomenal opening times meaning that I can work 40 hours if I so choose and don't have to miss out on too many meetings, even though I will surely find a way around as many as possible. We spoke with the manager there and she has already had good experiences with other children with epilepsy and even double checked with her staff to ensure that there were no prejudices against families like ours. Check and check!
My American brain can still hardly believe that I have been off work for so long and that I don't have to go back until February. With appointments, playgroups, meeting up with friends, and everything else that normal life and keeping up a household entails, time has really been flying by.
I truly cherish being able to rock my baby to sleep and nurse her whenever she needs it. Playtime and nap time and yes, I can even appreciate when she throws a tantrum because she now hates taking her medicine- because she is healthy enough to tantrum and we now know that her being upset probably isn't a trigger.
We have even found a babysitter that we have gotten to know gradually and had our first date night since my mom was here. It was a nice, brief time out for the first time and good for us.
All in all, it isn't easy living with the "what if" in the back of my head all the time, but I refuse to let Epilepsy scare me from having the most normal life possible for me and my family. Shrimpy deserves that, and so do we.
However, given our past with Shrimpy, I think getting caught up in day-to-day things is something that I can really be thankful for, and I have really been enjoying the small stuff.
As of this writing, she has been seizure free for 3 months and 8 days. Every day without is truly a gift. We have slowly been reducing one of her meds since 3 is a lot, and (**knocks on an entire forest**) it is going well so far. I am still processing the trauma that we have been through, but think that it will take a long while. Perhaps I will seek out a therapist, but I'm not sure yet. My nightmares have gotten better, and I can sometimes forget that we have the threat of seizures breathing down our necks and am determined to have us all live as normally as possible.
Since my last post post concentrated a lot on the hard realities that we have been through, I am going to brag a bit, and list the things that make me proud at the moment because I can:
- Shrimpy and I exclusively breast fed for 6 months (despite 2 illness periods where she was too weak to drink)! In fact, we have somehow managed to have no major difficulties other than the times she was ill. I feel really lucky that our breastfeeding relationship has been so solid. On her half birthday, we gave her sweet potato to try out (baby led weaning). She isn't quite ready, but we keep practicing for when she is ready.
- We made the family decision to try having her sleep in her own room since all 3 of us were no longer sleeping well, and since then, we have all slept great!
- Shrimpy has a slightly smaller than normal head circumference, but everything else is normal. She has more than doubled her birth weight and has met all of her developmental milestones. She turned over in both directions in May and did it a few times afterwards, but has since been distracted with other things- like her feet!
- The few trips we have taken as a family have been great- with very little fussiness and no trouble sleeping elsewhere. Yay!
- We got a spot in our first choice for daycare- one right around the corner with phenomenal opening times meaning that I can work 40 hours if I so choose and don't have to miss out on too many meetings, even though I will surely find a way around as many as possible. We spoke with the manager there and she has already had good experiences with other children with epilepsy and even double checked with her staff to ensure that there were no prejudices against families like ours. Check and check!
My American brain can still hardly believe that I have been off work for so long and that I don't have to go back until February. With appointments, playgroups, meeting up with friends, and everything else that normal life and keeping up a household entails, time has really been flying by.
I truly cherish being able to rock my baby to sleep and nurse her whenever she needs it. Playtime and nap time and yes, I can even appreciate when she throws a tantrum because she now hates taking her medicine- because she is healthy enough to tantrum and we now know that her being upset probably isn't a trigger.
We have even found a babysitter that we have gotten to know gradually and had our first date night since my mom was here. It was a nice, brief time out for the first time and good for us.
All in all, it isn't easy living with the "what if" in the back of my head all the time, but I refuse to let Epilepsy scare me from having the most normal life possible for me and my family. Shrimpy deserves that, and so do we.
Friday, June 6, 2014
An undefined form of Epilepsy
First, I'd like to apologize for the radio silence. As you can tell from the title, a lot has been going on. This is bound to be a long post, although it surely won't cover everything....I've been writing and re-writing this for weeks, so we will see what direction my writing takes me and then I would like to keep up with my posting.
Please be warned- I will be talking about what Epilepsy can look like, and if you are sensitive to hearing about children being really sick, please avoid the area surrounded in *****. It is important to me to "tell you like it is", but it isn't easy to write, and for most, it won't be easy to read.
On April 4th, not long after my last post, Shrimpy's seizures came back. Her EEG the week before had been completely normal, so we decided, together with her doctors, to start (very gradually) weaning her off of the barbiturate. The first seizure was "just" focal- so just her face and mouth. I heard the sound her mouth makes when she seizes- a sort of clicking sound with her tongue, and I was instantly ripped out of my sleep. I took her out of her bassinet right next to the bed and held her and talked to her, while filming it for the doctors. Since it was a focal seizure, she was herself again afterwards- so I gave her her medicine as planned and tried calling the doctor. Unfortunately, it was busy, and while I was trying to nurse her and call them, the had a generalized seizure- so her whole body, including her lungs. As I watched her lips turning blue, I figured "fuck it" and called German 911. While I spoke to the operator, it stopped, but I had them come anyway in order to drive us to the hospital.
**********************************************************************************
In the next two days, she had 7 seizures. They returned her medicine to its previous dosage, and for the next 4 days, she had no seizures and was able to nurse again relatively quickly. We went home and had one wonderful night as a family. The next morning, she had another, and we went back to the hospital, where they told us, as long as she didn't have another, that we could continue with our weekend. We had just arrived at a meet-up for the parents and children for the participants of our birthing preparation class when she had another. In the next 4 days, she had over 40 seizures, reaching a max of 15 in 24 hours. All lasted about 2 minutes, and all led to a bad oxygen saturation level. Some doctors wanted to see what her level would drop down to before administering oxygen- but Broom and I were not having any of that and always used the oxygen- because who the hell wants to test that?!?
Her personality was gone, her muscles had no tension, she was too weak to breastfeed, and could hardly stay awake. They took blood, and her face made the crying actions, but she couldn't fucking cry! She was basically in a coma- and it took her 45 minutes to drink a bottle. It was horrible, and we began to worry if our Shrimpy would make a comeback.
**********************************************************************************
During our stay in the hospital, they completed a new round of tests, including an MRI. They discovered that the seizures begin focally and usually turn into a generalized seizure. Her heart, brain, and kidneys (she has 3- because she is cool like that), all show no signs of damage. Her metabolism tests show no signs of a disorder, and the genetic testing for benign infant seizures showed an abnormality on one of the genes, but both tested negative.
Diagnosis- undefined Epileptic seizures.
Not entirely unexpected, and it could totally be worse- but still shit in a lot of ways. But, we are dealing- and her meds are good at the moment. Currently, her last seizure was on the 17th of April. Next week, we will begin working with the doctors to gradually reduce one of her 3 meds- because 3 is a lot for a 4.5 month old.
I am scared shitless, but I know it is the right thing.
From all of this, I can tell you that I know the following without a doubt:
- Shrimpy is SO incredibly strong- she and I got our nursing back on track really quickly, and she is ahead developmentally ahead at this point- something I am super proud of.
- Broom and I are a solid unit- if anything, this has made us even stronger.
- Modern medicine, the health care system, and parental leave program in Germany enables us to have time to deal with this as a family.
- Relatively speaking, if Shrimpy "has" to have an illness, at least hers is a common one, controllable with medication. She can have a normal life, and can develop normally, too.
So, friends of the internet- I think that that is enough for now. I will try and follow up more regularly, especially since I have a lot to say on the subject of Epilepsy and everything else that is going on, so I hope that I can find time to write again soon.
Take care of yourselves!
Please be warned- I will be talking about what Epilepsy can look like, and if you are sensitive to hearing about children being really sick, please avoid the area surrounded in *****. It is important to me to "tell you like it is", but it isn't easy to write, and for most, it won't be easy to read.
On April 4th, not long after my last post, Shrimpy's seizures came back. Her EEG the week before had been completely normal, so we decided, together with her doctors, to start (very gradually) weaning her off of the barbiturate. The first seizure was "just" focal- so just her face and mouth. I heard the sound her mouth makes when she seizes- a sort of clicking sound with her tongue, and I was instantly ripped out of my sleep. I took her out of her bassinet right next to the bed and held her and talked to her, while filming it for the doctors. Since it was a focal seizure, she was herself again afterwards- so I gave her her medicine as planned and tried calling the doctor. Unfortunately, it was busy, and while I was trying to nurse her and call them, the had a generalized seizure- so her whole body, including her lungs. As I watched her lips turning blue, I figured "fuck it" and called German 911. While I spoke to the operator, it stopped, but I had them come anyway in order to drive us to the hospital.
**********************************************************************************
In the next two days, she had 7 seizures. They returned her medicine to its previous dosage, and for the next 4 days, she had no seizures and was able to nurse again relatively quickly. We went home and had one wonderful night as a family. The next morning, she had another, and we went back to the hospital, where they told us, as long as she didn't have another, that we could continue with our weekend. We had just arrived at a meet-up for the parents and children for the participants of our birthing preparation class when she had another. In the next 4 days, she had over 40 seizures, reaching a max of 15 in 24 hours. All lasted about 2 minutes, and all led to a bad oxygen saturation level. Some doctors wanted to see what her level would drop down to before administering oxygen- but Broom and I were not having any of that and always used the oxygen- because who the hell wants to test that?!?
Her personality was gone, her muscles had no tension, she was too weak to breastfeed, and could hardly stay awake. They took blood, and her face made the crying actions, but she couldn't fucking cry! She was basically in a coma- and it took her 45 minutes to drink a bottle. It was horrible, and we began to worry if our Shrimpy would make a comeback.
**********************************************************************************
During our stay in the hospital, they completed a new round of tests, including an MRI. They discovered that the seizures begin focally and usually turn into a generalized seizure. Her heart, brain, and kidneys (she has 3- because she is cool like that), all show no signs of damage. Her metabolism tests show no signs of a disorder, and the genetic testing for benign infant seizures showed an abnormality on one of the genes, but both tested negative.
Diagnosis- undefined Epileptic seizures.
Not entirely unexpected, and it could totally be worse- but still shit in a lot of ways. But, we are dealing- and her meds are good at the moment. Currently, her last seizure was on the 17th of April. Next week, we will begin working with the doctors to gradually reduce one of her 3 meds- because 3 is a lot for a 4.5 month old.
I am scared shitless, but I know it is the right thing.
From all of this, I can tell you that I know the following without a doubt:
- Shrimpy is SO incredibly strong- she and I got our nursing back on track really quickly, and she is ahead developmentally ahead at this point- something I am super proud of.
- Broom and I are a solid unit- if anything, this has made us even stronger.
- Modern medicine, the health care system, and parental leave program in Germany enables us to have time to deal with this as a family.
- Relatively speaking, if Shrimpy "has" to have an illness, at least hers is a common one, controllable with medication. She can have a normal life, and can develop normally, too.
So, friends of the internet- I think that that is enough for now. I will try and follow up more regularly, especially since I have a lot to say on the subject of Epilepsy and everything else that is going on, so I hope that I can find time to write again soon.
Take care of yourselves!
Monday, March 17, 2014
Two Months
Today, Shrimpy is two months old!
A part of me can hardly believe it, while another part feels it in my soul. When I think back over the last two months, with its healing, heartbreak, and joy, I just tear up with an overflow of emotion.
Since we arrived home, we have done a great job of being able to leave her medical history at the door, while still keeping an eye on her and being sure to give her her medication 2x daily. Without saying it openly, Broom and I have been occasionally holding our breaths as we watch Shrimpy grow while her medication dosages do not. With each gram that she gains, we know that her medications get weaker. The lack of seizures give us hope, that this is behind us, and next week, they will do an EEG to see what her neurons are up to. Hopefully, we will get the OK to start weaning her off of both of them, starting with the barbiturate.
One thing is for sure, her social smiles, trying out her own voice, and mimicry (which started at the beginning of February- according to the midwife, babies who go through trauma like that often make developmental leaps to catch up), her increasing ability to hold up her head, continued weight gain, and more effective nursing all point to an incredibly healthy baby.
We couldn't be more grateful for the normalcy that we have had, and the chance to really enjoy our daughter. Our experience has really put things in perspective. Sure, when she is crying, it can make us distressed- but, she is able to cry and express her needs- something she was unable to do in the hospital. Some days, it has felt like all she did was nurse during a growth spurt- but, she was able to nurse after only being able to take a bottle in the hospital (due to exhaustion)- something that isn't always automatic.
My bond with her feels whole now- something that wasn't the case after suddenly dealing with her sickness. With all of my hormones raging and the fear and helplessness that we had in the hospital, it took her being able to nurse again to feel like I could bond with her. A part of me wonders what my reality would have been had she not gotten sick, but I will never know "what could have been" and have been able to keep any guilt about being distanced at first at a minimum. When I logically think about it, I know that our connection that would have been happening with nursing from the breast couldn't happen- combined with the fear of losing her and getting her through everything to being healthy again- I think my brain did what it had to do and put me on mommy autopilot. I was able to care and cuddle and be there for her (Neither of us, of course, wanted to leave the hospital.), but the bonding was able to be re-vamped after she was stable and strong enough to nurse. Now, I feel like our connection is solid.
I feel honored to be the Mom of this strong, beautiful, smart little girl, whose developing personality I relish in almost every day. It sure as hell isn't always easy, but I am incredibly grateful for her and her easygoing personality. After all of the stress of the hospital, she started sleeping in 4-7 hour blocks at night, and has never really been overly fussy- we usually get up to an our or so of processing crying that isn't straight through- and not every day. I feel so lucky, and am glad that our family unit is so strong.
My relationship with Broom has strengthened and deepened in ways that I never imagined. I watch her with Shrimpy and my body tells me, she won't be our last. She is so supportive of my new body (which is, much to my surprise only 2 kilos above where I was pre-pregnancy- something I never expected- and I am eating all the time, it seems, to cover the nursing calories) and has never expressed anything other than amazement and awe in what my body has done. I feel like we are such a team- a parental unit- Shrimpy's tribe.
In short, I couldn't be more in love- more in love with Shrimpy, more in love with Broom, more in love with life!
Things have been busy, with grandparents visiting from the US, but life is really, really good.
A part of me can hardly believe it, while another part feels it in my soul. When I think back over the last two months, with its healing, heartbreak, and joy, I just tear up with an overflow of emotion.
Since we arrived home, we have done a great job of being able to leave her medical history at the door, while still keeping an eye on her and being sure to give her her medication 2x daily. Without saying it openly, Broom and I have been occasionally holding our breaths as we watch Shrimpy grow while her medication dosages do not. With each gram that she gains, we know that her medications get weaker. The lack of seizures give us hope, that this is behind us, and next week, they will do an EEG to see what her neurons are up to. Hopefully, we will get the OK to start weaning her off of both of them, starting with the barbiturate.
One thing is for sure, her social smiles, trying out her own voice, and mimicry (which started at the beginning of February- according to the midwife, babies who go through trauma like that often make developmental leaps to catch up), her increasing ability to hold up her head, continued weight gain, and more effective nursing all point to an incredibly healthy baby.
We couldn't be more grateful for the normalcy that we have had, and the chance to really enjoy our daughter. Our experience has really put things in perspective. Sure, when she is crying, it can make us distressed- but, she is able to cry and express her needs- something she was unable to do in the hospital. Some days, it has felt like all she did was nurse during a growth spurt- but, she was able to nurse after only being able to take a bottle in the hospital (due to exhaustion)- something that isn't always automatic.
My bond with her feels whole now- something that wasn't the case after suddenly dealing with her sickness. With all of my hormones raging and the fear and helplessness that we had in the hospital, it took her being able to nurse again to feel like I could bond with her. A part of me wonders what my reality would have been had she not gotten sick, but I will never know "what could have been" and have been able to keep any guilt about being distanced at first at a minimum. When I logically think about it, I know that our connection that would have been happening with nursing from the breast couldn't happen- combined with the fear of losing her and getting her through everything to being healthy again- I think my brain did what it had to do and put me on mommy autopilot. I was able to care and cuddle and be there for her (Neither of us, of course, wanted to leave the hospital.), but the bonding was able to be re-vamped after she was stable and strong enough to nurse. Now, I feel like our connection is solid.
I feel honored to be the Mom of this strong, beautiful, smart little girl, whose developing personality I relish in almost every day. It sure as hell isn't always easy, but I am incredibly grateful for her and her easygoing personality. After all of the stress of the hospital, she started sleeping in 4-7 hour blocks at night, and has never really been overly fussy- we usually get up to an our or so of processing crying that isn't straight through- and not every day. I feel so lucky, and am glad that our family unit is so strong.
My relationship with Broom has strengthened and deepened in ways that I never imagined. I watch her with Shrimpy and my body tells me, she won't be our last. She is so supportive of my new body (which is, much to my surprise only 2 kilos above where I was pre-pregnancy- something I never expected- and I am eating all the time, it seems, to cover the nursing calories) and has never expressed anything other than amazement and awe in what my body has done. I feel like we are such a team- a parental unit- Shrimpy's tribe.
In short, I couldn't be more in love- more in love with Shrimpy, more in love with Broom, more in love with life!
Things have been busy, with grandparents visiting from the US, but life is really, really good.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Two Weeks in the NICU
Now that Shrimpy is a little over one month old, gaining weight consistently (4000 grams last week!), screaming at her sneezes, grunting at her hiccups, vocalizing and catching our eyes with hers- our stay in the NICU seems so long ago!
It all started in the middle of the night on Sunday the 19th. I was holding her in bed, trying to get her to calm down from crying to feed, when she seemed to have a fit, getting quite upset (it seemed to me), and then falling asleep. Exhausted, I decided to try later and put her in her co-sleeper and slept myself. Surprisingly, she didn't wake up again, and we changed her diaper when we woke up at 8, where she had another fit, then fell into a deep sleep. Broom and I found it odd, but had no idea what was going on, and knew the midwife was going to visit us at 10. While we waited, Shrimpy was too tired to nurse.
When the midwife arrived and I told her about Shrimpy's refusal to nurse (and she had been such a vacuum suction-feeder prior!), she looked concerned and said that she couldn't go that long without eating- and we explained that we couldn't get her to feed. While the midwife was holding her, she had another fit- after which she told us she was going to call the hospital to tell them that we were coming and that she was also writing the admissions desk a letter about her observations- all the while staying quite calm but making clear that we needed to leave immediately.
The 5 minute drive was hell- Broom drove well, though- considering this was her 2nd nerve-wracking drive in a few days, just a week after getting her license. The admissions desk was nice though, getting us into a room really quickly, despite the fact that that nurse was incompetent- failing to realize that we had no clue what was going on, and talking a mile a minute about other things, like weighing Shrimpy daily, taking her temperature and such- and we had no idea whether or not we would be staying! The doctor on call that day was also weird, coming in and picking up Shrimpy without talking to us or introducing herself. Once I realized that she was getting ready to leave the room with her I stopped her with "Excuse me- the nurse said that the doctor would be coming in to examine her?!?". To which she replied "Oh, yes, that's me, I guess I should have introduced myself."
That shift failed to ask us what we saw and why we were there, but did hook her up to sensors measuring her breathing, heart, and oxygen saturation and putting in an IV to rehydrate her. After several requests, I was shown where I could pump, since I wanted to get my milk coming in as soon as possible. Only after we asked did they ask if we were ok giving her formula until my milk came in- of course, giving her anything I could pump first.
During the first shift, she had a few episodes, during which we rang the incompetent nurse- but no one seemed to believe us! Unfortunately, at night, Shrimpy had an episode every hour- and I rang the nurses every time, even though doubt was still there- but eventually, the nurses saw an episode and decided to wake the weird doctor, and explained that it was seizures. At that point, the doctor finally decided to check for head trauma, which came back clear.
In the morning, (Shrimpy had been seizing all night on a regular basis), she had another seizure right when the doctor's had started their rounds- including the head doctors. Luckily, all 7 of them were able to see her have a seizure, and they ordered that she be given meds via IV to stop them. The meds made her even more lethargic, but gave her peace.
In the coming days, a multitude of tests were run to see what could be causing all of this. As a precaution, she received antibiotics since some of the lab work took a while to get back. Each and every test came back negative, and we tried to get as much skin-to-skin time as possible, learning to navigate all of the wires and her incubator like experts. With time, the medical team (who was excellent, with the exception of the team working when we were admitted) came to the conclusion (which could only be made by the process of elimination) that she was having benign infant seizures. My mom did research for me while we were there, and discovered that there are several women in our family that have had the same thing.
They switched Shrimpy to a less harsh drug, even though I still had to wake her to feed- mostly from the bottle, as she didn't have enough energy to feed from the breast. Luckily, my milk came in on Tuesday the 21st, and I had her exclusively on breast milk by Thursday. In that week, they even put us in a normal ward for an evening- but Shrimpy had mild seizures all night that night, and a few where she couldn't breathe. Her longest seizure yet, which happened after a nice bath and feeding from the breast, was one where she turned blue around the mouth, causing me to start screaming like a banshee (something along the lines of "get my baby some fucking oxygen!!!"). Broom took her from me (we always tried to hold or at least touch her during her seizures as a comfort measure) and screamed back at me to get me to calm down.
At that point, we were promptly re-admitted to the NICU, where they spent the next few days trying to get her meds right. Luckily, after being re-admitted to the NICU, she only had 2 more seizures where her breathing was an issue. Two meds, administered twice a day turned out to be the right combination for her. Her last seizure was the 26th, and within a week of them keeping her meds steady, she developed a regular wake/sleep pattern, although we still keep an eye on her.
After being home a week, the midwife and I worked on getting me off of the medical grade breast pump (I had too much milk) and purely using Shrimpy's cues- and it worked! In about a month, she has another EEG to see if her brain is still seizing. If not, then we will wean her off of her medication. A week after that, she has an echo cardiogram to see if the normal, newborn "heart hole" that hadn't closed for her yet (the midwife said that she has seen this with babies who have been under stress) is now closed.
Her two weeks in the NICU were some of the hardest of my life- and I don't think I have ever cried that much- ever. Watching her small body be in so much pain (after some of the seizures, she would whimper- talk about breaking your heart!) and not be able to do anything about it was extremely difficult. I would have gladly switched places with her ten times over- but we couldn't. She is such a strong girl! And Broom and I were thrown into the deep end of the parenting pool- and realized, that if we could do this, we were gonna be fine. Our relationship seems to have grown even deeper through that family trauma, and we were able to alternate who was the strong one, while keeping our spirits up when we could. We kept an eye on one another, and after I had spent 4 nights in the hospital with Shrimpy, Broom convinced me that we needed to alternate so that I didn't lose my shit. It was a good call.
Despite everything, I am grateful for the following: that, if our little girl has to have a sickness, that it is one that doesn't leave any damage (and if it does turn out to be epilepsy, that is manageable, too!), for a health care system that is excellent (all of her care is at no cost to us), for a relationship as strong as ours, and for family and friends the world over! We asked for positive thoughts and prayers and wow- were they given. I really, truly believe that they helped, and am so glad that we all got showered with that positivity. Our Shrimpy has quite the fan club- as she should, since she is incredibly adorable!
Once this is even more behind us, I will be even more at ease- but it is pretty neat how my brain has been able to regularly forget and not worry all the time- even though we both keep a close eye on her.
All in all, we are a very lucky family.
It all started in the middle of the night on Sunday the 19th. I was holding her in bed, trying to get her to calm down from crying to feed, when she seemed to have a fit, getting quite upset (it seemed to me), and then falling asleep. Exhausted, I decided to try later and put her in her co-sleeper and slept myself. Surprisingly, she didn't wake up again, and we changed her diaper when we woke up at 8, where she had another fit, then fell into a deep sleep. Broom and I found it odd, but had no idea what was going on, and knew the midwife was going to visit us at 10. While we waited, Shrimpy was too tired to nurse.
When the midwife arrived and I told her about Shrimpy's refusal to nurse (and she had been such a vacuum suction-feeder prior!), she looked concerned and said that she couldn't go that long without eating- and we explained that we couldn't get her to feed. While the midwife was holding her, she had another fit- after which she told us she was going to call the hospital to tell them that we were coming and that she was also writing the admissions desk a letter about her observations- all the while staying quite calm but making clear that we needed to leave immediately.
The 5 minute drive was hell- Broom drove well, though- considering this was her 2nd nerve-wracking drive in a few days, just a week after getting her license. The admissions desk was nice though, getting us into a room really quickly, despite the fact that that nurse was incompetent- failing to realize that we had no clue what was going on, and talking a mile a minute about other things, like weighing Shrimpy daily, taking her temperature and such- and we had no idea whether or not we would be staying! The doctor on call that day was also weird, coming in and picking up Shrimpy without talking to us or introducing herself. Once I realized that she was getting ready to leave the room with her I stopped her with "Excuse me- the nurse said that the doctor would be coming in to examine her?!?". To which she replied "Oh, yes, that's me, I guess I should have introduced myself."
That shift failed to ask us what we saw and why we were there, but did hook her up to sensors measuring her breathing, heart, and oxygen saturation and putting in an IV to rehydrate her. After several requests, I was shown where I could pump, since I wanted to get my milk coming in as soon as possible. Only after we asked did they ask if we were ok giving her formula until my milk came in- of course, giving her anything I could pump first.
During the first shift, she had a few episodes, during which we rang the incompetent nurse- but no one seemed to believe us! Unfortunately, at night, Shrimpy had an episode every hour- and I rang the nurses every time, even though doubt was still there- but eventually, the nurses saw an episode and decided to wake the weird doctor, and explained that it was seizures. At that point, the doctor finally decided to check for head trauma, which came back clear.
In the morning, (Shrimpy had been seizing all night on a regular basis), she had another seizure right when the doctor's had started their rounds- including the head doctors. Luckily, all 7 of them were able to see her have a seizure, and they ordered that she be given meds via IV to stop them. The meds made her even more lethargic, but gave her peace.
In the coming days, a multitude of tests were run to see what could be causing all of this. As a precaution, she received antibiotics since some of the lab work took a while to get back. Each and every test came back negative, and we tried to get as much skin-to-skin time as possible, learning to navigate all of the wires and her incubator like experts. With time, the medical team (who was excellent, with the exception of the team working when we were admitted) came to the conclusion (which could only be made by the process of elimination) that she was having benign infant seizures. My mom did research for me while we were there, and discovered that there are several women in our family that have had the same thing.
They switched Shrimpy to a less harsh drug, even though I still had to wake her to feed- mostly from the bottle, as she didn't have enough energy to feed from the breast. Luckily, my milk came in on Tuesday the 21st, and I had her exclusively on breast milk by Thursday. In that week, they even put us in a normal ward for an evening- but Shrimpy had mild seizures all night that night, and a few where she couldn't breathe. Her longest seizure yet, which happened after a nice bath and feeding from the breast, was one where she turned blue around the mouth, causing me to start screaming like a banshee (something along the lines of "get my baby some fucking oxygen!!!"). Broom took her from me (we always tried to hold or at least touch her during her seizures as a comfort measure) and screamed back at me to get me to calm down.
At that point, we were promptly re-admitted to the NICU, where they spent the next few days trying to get her meds right. Luckily, after being re-admitted to the NICU, she only had 2 more seizures where her breathing was an issue. Two meds, administered twice a day turned out to be the right combination for her. Her last seizure was the 26th, and within a week of them keeping her meds steady, she developed a regular wake/sleep pattern, although we still keep an eye on her.
After being home a week, the midwife and I worked on getting me off of the medical grade breast pump (I had too much milk) and purely using Shrimpy's cues- and it worked! In about a month, she has another EEG to see if her brain is still seizing. If not, then we will wean her off of her medication. A week after that, she has an echo cardiogram to see if the normal, newborn "heart hole" that hadn't closed for her yet (the midwife said that she has seen this with babies who have been under stress) is now closed.
Her two weeks in the NICU were some of the hardest of my life- and I don't think I have ever cried that much- ever. Watching her small body be in so much pain (after some of the seizures, she would whimper- talk about breaking your heart!) and not be able to do anything about it was extremely difficult. I would have gladly switched places with her ten times over- but we couldn't. She is such a strong girl! And Broom and I were thrown into the deep end of the parenting pool- and realized, that if we could do this, we were gonna be fine. Our relationship seems to have grown even deeper through that family trauma, and we were able to alternate who was the strong one, while keeping our spirits up when we could. We kept an eye on one another, and after I had spent 4 nights in the hospital with Shrimpy, Broom convinced me that we needed to alternate so that I didn't lose my shit. It was a good call.
Despite everything, I am grateful for the following: that, if our little girl has to have a sickness, that it is one that doesn't leave any damage (and if it does turn out to be epilepsy, that is manageable, too!), for a health care system that is excellent (all of her care is at no cost to us), for a relationship as strong as ours, and for family and friends the world over! We asked for positive thoughts and prayers and wow- were they given. I really, truly believe that they helped, and am so glad that we all got showered with that positivity. Our Shrimpy has quite the fan club- as she should, since she is incredibly adorable!
Once this is even more behind us, I will be even more at ease- but it is pretty neat how my brain has been able to regularly forget and not worry all the time- even though we both keep a close eye on her.
All in all, we are a very lucky family.
Monday, February 10, 2014
A Shrimp is Born!
Wow, what a difference a month makes. I feel like I have aged 10 years since my last post. It will take two posts to cover everything that has happened since, but I will start with Shrimpy's birth story and then post about the two weeks we spent in the NICU (so glad to be home now!). Both posts are bound to be quite long...
The prodromal contractions that I had been having continued and I lost more of my mucous plug in the little over a week that passed between my last post and labor. They were still manageable, and my spirits were high, although I did start drinking raspberry leaf tea as well as verbena tea, as recommended by my midwife. All of my visits confirmed that everything was fine, and that we were in no rush to meet baby. Since I was ready, I kept on with the tea, and tried to stay well-rested.
On the night of the 16th, I decided to put the theory of eating eggplant parmesan (with plenty of oregano and basil) to the test. The food turned out great, and I was lying on the couch watching the news when my water broke after a mild contraction at 20:10. It felt like a small "pop" and I said to Broom "I think my water just broke!". I stood up, had a small gush, and went to the restroom, where I lost more clear water (as described by the midwife, it looked like mozzarella water. We got excited, and checked our bags for later and decided to try and get some sleep after letting my family know that we could use their positive energy.
The contractions were 20 minutes apart and only mildly more painful than the contractions that I had been having for the past 3 weeks, and they stayed like that for three hours or so. I was able to rest some, but then the contractions got more intense and were 15 minutes apart, so I went to the couch where I turned on Tim McGraw (his music always helped me sleep while flying) and dozed in between them while timing them the best I could.
At about one in the morning, my timing made me notice that the contractions were coming every 5 minutes- a pattern that I observed for 45 minutes before waking up Broom, after which I woke her to have her support. She applied counter pressure on my back and helped me breathe in the living room, where I had set myself up. They were intense and required all of my concentration, but the pain was instantly gone after the contraction was over. Broom and I decided to call the midwife at 2:30 to let her know that my contractions were still 5 minutes apart, and she thought we could still be a long ways out. I talked to her on the phone and realized I was dealing quite well and found talking to her to be quite distracting, and to wait to go to the birthing center.
After talking to her, I decided I wanted to try and take a bath. The first few contractions in the tub were fine. Suddenly, they got much more intense, and my whole body, each and every particle from my head to my toes, convulsed and drew together, automatically pushing the baby without me actively doing anything. This felt wrong. I had just had ok contractions, and now my body was pushing?!? Something had to be wrong, and I knew, that if this was early labor, that I couldn't do it.
Instinctively, I put my hand between my legs when these contractions came, but I seriously doubted that this could be what I thought it was. In between the pushing contractions, I kept thinking to myself- it would make sense if this was transition...and then I threw up, which really had me thinking- "could I already be there?!?".
After throwing up, I had to get out of the tub. I laid down on the bed and continued to have the pushing contractions, every 2-3 minutes.
At about 3:15, Broom called the midwife again, who heard my guttural, growly contraction and told us that she was leaving for the birthing center and would call us once she confirmed that the room was free. Broom got stuff ready while I tried tipping my chin back and panting to hold back the pushing contractions that were so intense and heavy. I told Broom, "This sounds crazy, but I think the baby is coming, I swear I can feel the head."
About 15 minutes later, the midwife called back and told us we could come any time we were ready. Broom somehow got me dressed, holding me up through the contractions. In the car, I braced myself in the back so that I wasn't sitting down, so convinced I was that the head was right there. I gave Broom directions (who had only gotten her driver's license a week beforehand), who was understandably nervous- so I didn't tell her how I felt like the head was there- that, and I was in disbelief.
Once she parked, I went to get the parking ticket, where I had such a strong pushing contraction, that I was starting to believe what I was feeling. On our 2 minute walk to the birthing center from our parking spot, I had two more contractions, one of which on the few steps down to the birthing apartment.
The midwife proceeded to ask me if she should fill the birthing pool or check me. I told her "You better check me- it sounds crazy, but I think the baby is right there". She asked me to sit down, but I refused, stating that I didn't want to sit on the baby. Broom and the midwife helped me get my pants off, and she took a look, stating: "Yes, the baby is right there, reach down and touch it's head." After doing so, I realized that I could, indeed, trust my body. She told me to kneel at the end of the bed, bending my body over the bed itself (since the kneeling pad wasn't there yet, I asked "But you are going to put something down, right?"), of course pulling out the birthing pad and something sterile for the baby to be collected on underneath me.
After kneeling, I had another pushing contraction, letting my body do all of the work, and immediately felt the "ring of fire". Another pushing contraction came, and the head was out! The body followed immediately afterwards...two minutes after entering the birthing center, and the midwife just barely had enough time to put on gloves!
I looked down, and couldn't believe that my baby was already here! I picked up baby and crawled into the bed. After expressing concern about keeping baby low enough to let the umbilical cord pulse out, the midwife let me know that it was already pulsed out and I had some skin to skin time with baby while the midwife gave the umbilical cord a gentle tug. Out came the placenta without any problems.
It was only at this point that we asked if it was a boy or a girl, at which the midwife told me to look.With my first glance down before crawling into bed with baby, I thought we had a boy- but I was wrong! We had a little girl! After seeing that surprise, baby and I were able to nurse for awhile, with the midwife checking on me and determining, despite the fact that our Shrimpy came out with her hand on top of her head, that I had no tears, only a few scrapes. Baby weighed in at 3250 grams and 49cm long and had perfect APGAR scores. Since she had spent such little time in the birth canal, her head wasn't deformed at all, and her cheeks were really filled out- making her look older than she was. Surprisingly, she also had quite a bit of hair!
After feeding, it was time to attempt my first trip to the bathroom in order to empty my bladder and encourage my uterus to contract further. My midwife and I made it to the bathroom, but while on the toilet, I passed a large blood clot and passed out- waking up on the floor. After Broom helped me to bed, the midwife gave me a catheter to empty my bladder, and continued to give me sugary drinks. However, she stated that if I didn't come around with my dizziness within 30 minutes that she would have to transfer me to the hospital for a transfusion. Luckily, this wasn't necessary, and we were allowed to stay in the birthing center room longer than usual after the birth so that I could rest and regain my strength.
It was a truly amazing experience, feeling the power that my body possesses, and finally meeting the little girl that made us parents! A part of me wonders how long her birth would have been had I not fought the pushing contractions- but either way- 8 hours from water breaking to holding a baby is pretty amazingly intense for a first child!
These wonderful moments would keep us going once our Shrimpy got sick a day and a half later....which will be another long blog post itself.
The prodromal contractions that I had been having continued and I lost more of my mucous plug in the little over a week that passed between my last post and labor. They were still manageable, and my spirits were high, although I did start drinking raspberry leaf tea as well as verbena tea, as recommended by my midwife. All of my visits confirmed that everything was fine, and that we were in no rush to meet baby. Since I was ready, I kept on with the tea, and tried to stay well-rested.
On the night of the 16th, I decided to put the theory of eating eggplant parmesan (with plenty of oregano and basil) to the test. The food turned out great, and I was lying on the couch watching the news when my water broke after a mild contraction at 20:10. It felt like a small "pop" and I said to Broom "I think my water just broke!". I stood up, had a small gush, and went to the restroom, where I lost more clear water (as described by the midwife, it looked like mozzarella water. We got excited, and checked our bags for later and decided to try and get some sleep after letting my family know that we could use their positive energy.
The contractions were 20 minutes apart and only mildly more painful than the contractions that I had been having for the past 3 weeks, and they stayed like that for three hours or so. I was able to rest some, but then the contractions got more intense and were 15 minutes apart, so I went to the couch where I turned on Tim McGraw (his music always helped me sleep while flying) and dozed in between them while timing them the best I could.
At about one in the morning, my timing made me notice that the contractions were coming every 5 minutes- a pattern that I observed for 45 minutes before waking up Broom, after which I woke her to have her support. She applied counter pressure on my back and helped me breathe in the living room, where I had set myself up. They were intense and required all of my concentration, but the pain was instantly gone after the contraction was over. Broom and I decided to call the midwife at 2:30 to let her know that my contractions were still 5 minutes apart, and she thought we could still be a long ways out. I talked to her on the phone and realized I was dealing quite well and found talking to her to be quite distracting, and to wait to go to the birthing center.
After talking to her, I decided I wanted to try and take a bath. The first few contractions in the tub were fine. Suddenly, they got much more intense, and my whole body, each and every particle from my head to my toes, convulsed and drew together, automatically pushing the baby without me actively doing anything. This felt wrong. I had just had ok contractions, and now my body was pushing?!? Something had to be wrong, and I knew, that if this was early labor, that I couldn't do it.
Instinctively, I put my hand between my legs when these contractions came, but I seriously doubted that this could be what I thought it was. In between the pushing contractions, I kept thinking to myself- it would make sense if this was transition...and then I threw up, which really had me thinking- "could I already be there?!?".
After throwing up, I had to get out of the tub. I laid down on the bed and continued to have the pushing contractions, every 2-3 minutes.
At about 3:15, Broom called the midwife again, who heard my guttural, growly contraction and told us that she was leaving for the birthing center and would call us once she confirmed that the room was free. Broom got stuff ready while I tried tipping my chin back and panting to hold back the pushing contractions that were so intense and heavy. I told Broom, "This sounds crazy, but I think the baby is coming, I swear I can feel the head."
About 15 minutes later, the midwife called back and told us we could come any time we were ready. Broom somehow got me dressed, holding me up through the contractions. In the car, I braced myself in the back so that I wasn't sitting down, so convinced I was that the head was right there. I gave Broom directions (who had only gotten her driver's license a week beforehand), who was understandably nervous- so I didn't tell her how I felt like the head was there- that, and I was in disbelief.
Once she parked, I went to get the parking ticket, where I had such a strong pushing contraction, that I was starting to believe what I was feeling. On our 2 minute walk to the birthing center from our parking spot, I had two more contractions, one of which on the few steps down to the birthing apartment.
The midwife proceeded to ask me if she should fill the birthing pool or check me. I told her "You better check me- it sounds crazy, but I think the baby is right there". She asked me to sit down, but I refused, stating that I didn't want to sit on the baby. Broom and the midwife helped me get my pants off, and she took a look, stating: "Yes, the baby is right there, reach down and touch it's head." After doing so, I realized that I could, indeed, trust my body. She told me to kneel at the end of the bed, bending my body over the bed itself (since the kneeling pad wasn't there yet, I asked "But you are going to put something down, right?"), of course pulling out the birthing pad and something sterile for the baby to be collected on underneath me.
After kneeling, I had another pushing contraction, letting my body do all of the work, and immediately felt the "ring of fire". Another pushing contraction came, and the head was out! The body followed immediately afterwards...two minutes after entering the birthing center, and the midwife just barely had enough time to put on gloves!
I looked down, and couldn't believe that my baby was already here! I picked up baby and crawled into the bed. After expressing concern about keeping baby low enough to let the umbilical cord pulse out, the midwife let me know that it was already pulsed out and I had some skin to skin time with baby while the midwife gave the umbilical cord a gentle tug. Out came the placenta without any problems.
It was only at this point that we asked if it was a boy or a girl, at which the midwife told me to look.With my first glance down before crawling into bed with baby, I thought we had a boy- but I was wrong! We had a little girl! After seeing that surprise, baby and I were able to nurse for awhile, with the midwife checking on me and determining, despite the fact that our Shrimpy came out with her hand on top of her head, that I had no tears, only a few scrapes. Baby weighed in at 3250 grams and 49cm long and had perfect APGAR scores. Since she had spent such little time in the birth canal, her head wasn't deformed at all, and her cheeks were really filled out- making her look older than she was. Surprisingly, she also had quite a bit of hair!
After feeding, it was time to attempt my first trip to the bathroom in order to empty my bladder and encourage my uterus to contract further. My midwife and I made it to the bathroom, but while on the toilet, I passed a large blood clot and passed out- waking up on the floor. After Broom helped me to bed, the midwife gave me a catheter to empty my bladder, and continued to give me sugary drinks. However, she stated that if I didn't come around with my dizziness within 30 minutes that she would have to transfer me to the hospital for a transfusion. Luckily, this wasn't necessary, and we were allowed to stay in the birthing center room longer than usual after the birth so that I could rest and regain my strength.
It was a truly amazing experience, feeling the power that my body possesses, and finally meeting the little girl that made us parents! A part of me wonders how long her birth would have been had I not fought the pushing contractions- but either way- 8 hours from water breaking to holding a baby is pretty amazingly intense for a first child!
These wonderful moments would keep us going once our Shrimpy got sick a day and a half later....which will be another long blog post itself.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Patience and trust
We made it to 39 weeks! And it seems just like yesterday that I got that positive on the digital pregnancy test...
Now the hard part is trusting that my body and my baby know exactly what they are doing. I've had a constant, deep back pain for over 2 weeks now, and prodromal labor about every other day since the 30th. I wondered if I would be grateful that my period cramps were always so bad, and I really am! What good training.
Most of the prodromal contractions are manageable, and when I have them, about 5-10 a day are such that I have to breathe through them or that they wake me up. They can drive you a little crazy, leading you to wonder "Is this real? This is more than the Braxton-Hicks contractions, but they aren't consistent! Am I dreaming this?". Once so far I have cried about it, since I get excited that labor could be starting, and then it goes away after awhile.
Whatever they are, it involves my back and abdomen and wrap all the way around. I am grateful that I am able to either get a fair amount of sleep at night or take epic naps during the day. The full surrender to this process that this requires and trusting the knowledge that my baby and body have is certainly a test of patience (not entirely dissimilar to the conception process).
One thing that I keep trying to tell myself is that these contractions aren't "for nothing". Shrimpy is gradually getting even more into starting position and I am surely effacing more and more. I've had bloody show and seen parts of my mucous plug, and I somehow managed to glimpse the first few drops of colostrum while changing. When I think about it, it is great that things are getting along gradually without me being too uncomfortable. A part of me isn't even that surprised, considering everything that it took for us to get here and the enjoyment that I've had growing this child. Emotionally and physically it is for sure the best route for us if labor isn't over too quickly.
So, I am embracing this gradual separation process and am giving myself over to the process of Shrimpy and I becoming separate entities. The inner knowledge and strength that my body has already exhibited confirms many things for me, and that is an amazingly wonderful and womanly experience for me!
Now the hard part is trusting that my body and my baby know exactly what they are doing. I've had a constant, deep back pain for over 2 weeks now, and prodromal labor about every other day since the 30th. I wondered if I would be grateful that my period cramps were always so bad, and I really am! What good training.
Most of the prodromal contractions are manageable, and when I have them, about 5-10 a day are such that I have to breathe through them or that they wake me up. They can drive you a little crazy, leading you to wonder "Is this real? This is more than the Braxton-Hicks contractions, but they aren't consistent! Am I dreaming this?". Once so far I have cried about it, since I get excited that labor could be starting, and then it goes away after awhile.
Whatever they are, it involves my back and abdomen and wrap all the way around. I am grateful that I am able to either get a fair amount of sleep at night or take epic naps during the day. The full surrender to this process that this requires and trusting the knowledge that my baby and body have is certainly a test of patience (not entirely dissimilar to the conception process).
One thing that I keep trying to tell myself is that these contractions aren't "for nothing". Shrimpy is gradually getting even more into starting position and I am surely effacing more and more. I've had bloody show and seen parts of my mucous plug, and I somehow managed to glimpse the first few drops of colostrum while changing. When I think about it, it is great that things are getting along gradually without me being too uncomfortable. A part of me isn't even that surprised, considering everything that it took for us to get here and the enjoyment that I've had growing this child. Emotionally and physically it is for sure the best route for us if labor isn't over too quickly.
So, I am embracing this gradual separation process and am giving myself over to the process of Shrimpy and I becoming separate entities. The inner knowledge and strength that my body has already exhibited confirms many things for me, and that is an amazingly wonderful and womanly experience for me!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Almost time for baby
The last month has been delightfully calm- that is, after my gyno attempted to put me on limited physical activity. With this whole split prenatal care between my gyno and my midwives, it has been interesting to see how modern medicine (in my opinion) attempts to take all the risk and responsibility and "minimize" it (which isn't really possible, anyway). The idea of questioning the reasoning behind some prescriptions and requests for care seems novel for some doctors, and we had to get rather insistent that I did not want to take antibiotics for a small, very common infection so close to birth and that I did not want to have fetal heart tones recorded every 2 weeks for 30 minutes at a time. After we got through all that, I was able to breathe more deeply and relax, which has been just what I needed!
Now, we only have to wait until midnight on the 1st to be able to have Shrimpy at the birthing center, due to their new insurance for 2014 (otherwise, the clock would have started this week at 37 weeks and not at 38). Since I had some bloody show on Friday and have been having irregular contractions and shooting vag pain when walking, I have been taking it easy in the hopes of Shrimpy not starting the show earlier. I have been feeling pretty good, though, and being sure to nap during the day since sleeping can be hard between the hip & back pain and going to the bathroom so much.
I never thought that being off for so long before baby gets here would go by so quickly, but I have been really enjoying it! I've been teaching myself how to crochet, doing sewing projects and crafts, as well as reading and cooking. Broom and I have been doing our best to enjoy the calm before all of the changes, although we are both getting eager to meet baby! I have been able to talk to my mom more since I've been off (due to the time difference), and she has been really supportive, which is lovely. My homesickness tends to flair up around the holidays, and this year was no different, but it is what it is (Although we are seriously thinking about making a 5-year plan to move to Canada.).
Christmas with die Mutti was OK, although she is easier to deal with when I have had wine, lol. At least she only stayed 1 night, and then Broom and I could relax after she left. We have already taken down the decorations to have that out of the way in case baby comes, and are really looking forward to a quiet New Year's.
Tomorrow is my next midwife appointment, and I expect it to be pretty uneventful. I figure I will go on longer walks starting on the 1st and see when my baby and my body are ready for birth.
2013 was a great year, but we are both really looking forward to meeting this little one!
Now, we only have to wait until midnight on the 1st to be able to have Shrimpy at the birthing center, due to their new insurance for 2014 (otherwise, the clock would have started this week at 37 weeks and not at 38). Since I had some bloody show on Friday and have been having irregular contractions and shooting vag pain when walking, I have been taking it easy in the hopes of Shrimpy not starting the show earlier. I have been feeling pretty good, though, and being sure to nap during the day since sleeping can be hard between the hip & back pain and going to the bathroom so much.
I never thought that being off for so long before baby gets here would go by so quickly, but I have been really enjoying it! I've been teaching myself how to crochet, doing sewing projects and crafts, as well as reading and cooking. Broom and I have been doing our best to enjoy the calm before all of the changes, although we are both getting eager to meet baby! I have been able to talk to my mom more since I've been off (due to the time difference), and she has been really supportive, which is lovely. My homesickness tends to flair up around the holidays, and this year was no different, but it is what it is (Although we are seriously thinking about making a 5-year plan to move to Canada.).
Christmas with die Mutti was OK, although she is easier to deal with when I have had wine, lol. At least she only stayed 1 night, and then Broom and I could relax after she left. We have already taken down the decorations to have that out of the way in case baby comes, and are really looking forward to a quiet New Year's.
Tomorrow is my next midwife appointment, and I expect it to be pretty uneventful. I figure I will go on longer walks starting on the 1st and see when my baby and my body are ready for birth.
2013 was a great year, but we are both really looking forward to meeting this little one!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
And then I had my last day at work for a year...
...Germany has a lot of interesting programs, including awesome parental leave. I saved two weeks of my (cough, 30 days) of vacation to take before the almost mandatory off-time for moms 6 weeks before the due date, and 8 weeks after. After this time ends, there is a somewhat-complicated program where the parents can take time off. I am taking 12 months, and Broom is taking 2. We still get between 65 and 67% of our previous salaries, which makes this feasible. Exciting and weird to be off for so long, although I am proud to say that I didn't have a problem leaving work behind.
The first week off, I had doctor's appointments and then we went away to the Baltic Sea for 4 nights, which was loverly. Daily walks on the beach and bubble baths were just the thing! I do notice though, that baby is in "start" position with his or her head already quite low in my pelvis. The daily movement has been good though.
Currently, I am working on sewing cloth baby wipes and burp cloths (my MIL is dating a laundromat owner, so we had waaay too many towels, so I cut them up based on our needs and am just finishing the edges). Other projects I want to do are: a blanket / duvet for the stroller, a collage out of cloth for Shrimpy's room, and a cover for the changing table extender we are making.
Feeling like things are coming together, but will feel better once everything is as in order as it can be (including the mountains of paperwork we are going to have to do since we don't have all rights and the whole bi national issue, *sigh*).
From the health perspective, it looks like the gestational diabetes thing really was just a fluke. I still have to test sporadically for the next 2-3 weeks, but everything has been fine. My gyno thought I might have a UTI, but didn't say anything since I brought in morning urine, so I would guess that things are fine there. She just said last time that she wants to use the fetal heartbeat monitor every two weeks starting next week, and I was too much in a tizzy to ask why, so I am going to do so and am thinking of declining since baby doesn't like being monitored. Also, she now seems worried about the polyp-y thing on my cervix, although she already said it shouldn't pose any problems for birth. She talked about sending me to a specialist/asking a colleague for advice.
Needless to say, this was one of those visits where I got overwhelmed and didn't ask enough questions here, so I wrote them down for next time. As far as I am concerned, as long as my cervix can still open, I am still planning to go to the birthing house (and the midwives are super-calm). If she is concerned about it being cancerous, then she should swab it for testing, and we can deal with the results after Shrimpy is here if we have to. I told my mom about me being a little worried that that was what she was getting at, and she waved it away (surprise!), so we will see.
I will probably run everything past my midwife before my gyno appointment and go from there.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating tomorrow!
The first week off, I had doctor's appointments and then we went away to the Baltic Sea for 4 nights, which was loverly. Daily walks on the beach and bubble baths were just the thing! I do notice though, that baby is in "start" position with his or her head already quite low in my pelvis. The daily movement has been good though.
Currently, I am working on sewing cloth baby wipes and burp cloths (my MIL is dating a laundromat owner, so we had waaay too many towels, so I cut them up based on our needs and am just finishing the edges). Other projects I want to do are: a blanket / duvet for the stroller, a collage out of cloth for Shrimpy's room, and a cover for the changing table extender we are making.
Feeling like things are coming together, but will feel better once everything is as in order as it can be (including the mountains of paperwork we are going to have to do since we don't have all rights and the whole bi national issue, *sigh*).
From the health perspective, it looks like the gestational diabetes thing really was just a fluke. I still have to test sporadically for the next 2-3 weeks, but everything has been fine. My gyno thought I might have a UTI, but didn't say anything since I brought in morning urine, so I would guess that things are fine there. She just said last time that she wants to use the fetal heartbeat monitor every two weeks starting next week, and I was too much in a tizzy to ask why, so I am going to do so and am thinking of declining since baby doesn't like being monitored. Also, she now seems worried about the polyp-y thing on my cervix, although she already said it shouldn't pose any problems for birth. She talked about sending me to a specialist/asking a colleague for advice.
Needless to say, this was one of those visits where I got overwhelmed and didn't ask enough questions here, so I wrote them down for next time. As far as I am concerned, as long as my cervix can still open, I am still planning to go to the birthing house (and the midwives are super-calm). If she is concerned about it being cancerous, then she should swab it for testing, and we can deal with the results after Shrimpy is here if we have to. I told my mom about me being a little worried that that was what she was getting at, and she waved it away (surprise!), so we will see.
I will probably run everything past my midwife before my gyno appointment and go from there.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Could be worse, could be better
Things are shaping up in Shrimpy's room, and once we buy a mattress and a car seat/stroller combo, we will have everything on our "must have" list of items! Sure, there is plenty that I would like to have by the time baby is here, but once these "musts" are out of the way, I think I will breathe much easier.
Last weekend, Broom's brother and nephew were here and helped by installing and securing everything that we had in that regard, and it was really nice to get so much done in such a short amount of time even though I was really exhausted for 2 days afterwards. Their generosity and how quickly they did everthing is amazing and wonderful!
On the health front, my first diabetes test was messed up by the lab, which meant I had to do another one. The 2nd one was positive, so I had to do a follow-up test that is longer and involved me looking like an addict afterwards since the incredibly nice nurse had trouble finding my veins. The last of the 3 blood draws that they did ended up being positive, so now, I am automatically labeled as a gestational diabetic.
The midwife didn't seem that concerned when I told her that the first one was positive, so I didn't think to ask what would happen if the 2nd one was positive. My gyno said that it is standard that gestational diabetics give birth in a clinic, although she didn't say it wasn't allowed. At our ultrasound today, Shrimpy was completely healthy and everything was normal- nothing was bigger, which is a common side effect. I am getting sent to an organ scan to make sure that the baby isn't under stress, so I am hoping that between that and the fact that since I got the glucometer yesterday that everything has been normal with my sugar, that my gyno and midwife will let me have the baby outside of the hospital in the birthing house.
I know that only time will tell, and that the main goal here is for me and the baby to be healthy, but I would prefer to have the baby in the birthing house if it is ok from a health perspective. Once I have a week of OK values, I am hoping that I am off the hook. The test itself I find to be a bit one-sided since the diabetes doctor said that 1 high number could have been from stress.
Today, I also brought up that I have had spotting 3 times since Friday, and 2 of those times were not combined with any strenuous activity whatsoever. It turns out the irritated spot on my cervix that I had has grown considerably and it causing occasional bleeding. For the next 11 days, I will take 2 different types of vaginal suppositories (one to calm it down, followed by one to improve the flora and fauna) to hopefully clear it up and then we will see. Once I am through with the suppositories, I am supposed to call if I have any bleeding.
Due to me cutting out all extra sugar, I have also lost some weight, but baby is a great size, that is good!
We will see how things develop, and if I get the whole pricking my finger down so that it works (with enough blood for the sensor) every time. I will do whatever I have to do for this little one, but I am sure hoping for my desired way of giving birth- but only time will tell- baby is calling all of the shots!
I am still doing well in trusting my body and my baby as well as not taking this whole being able to have a baby thing for granted, which is helping me a lot.
Last weekend, Broom's brother and nephew were here and helped by installing and securing everything that we had in that regard, and it was really nice to get so much done in such a short amount of time even though I was really exhausted for 2 days afterwards. Their generosity and how quickly they did everthing is amazing and wonderful!
On the health front, my first diabetes test was messed up by the lab, which meant I had to do another one. The 2nd one was positive, so I had to do a follow-up test that is longer and involved me looking like an addict afterwards since the incredibly nice nurse had trouble finding my veins. The last of the 3 blood draws that they did ended up being positive, so now, I am automatically labeled as a gestational diabetic.
The midwife didn't seem that concerned when I told her that the first one was positive, so I didn't think to ask what would happen if the 2nd one was positive. My gyno said that it is standard that gestational diabetics give birth in a clinic, although she didn't say it wasn't allowed. At our ultrasound today, Shrimpy was completely healthy and everything was normal- nothing was bigger, which is a common side effect. I am getting sent to an organ scan to make sure that the baby isn't under stress, so I am hoping that between that and the fact that since I got the glucometer yesterday that everything has been normal with my sugar, that my gyno and midwife will let me have the baby outside of the hospital in the birthing house.
I know that only time will tell, and that the main goal here is for me and the baby to be healthy, but I would prefer to have the baby in the birthing house if it is ok from a health perspective. Once I have a week of OK values, I am hoping that I am off the hook. The test itself I find to be a bit one-sided since the diabetes doctor said that 1 high number could have been from stress.
Today, I also brought up that I have had spotting 3 times since Friday, and 2 of those times were not combined with any strenuous activity whatsoever. It turns out the irritated spot on my cervix that I had has grown considerably and it causing occasional bleeding. For the next 11 days, I will take 2 different types of vaginal suppositories (one to calm it down, followed by one to improve the flora and fauna) to hopefully clear it up and then we will see. Once I am through with the suppositories, I am supposed to call if I have any bleeding.
Due to me cutting out all extra sugar, I have also lost some weight, but baby is a great size, that is good!
We will see how things develop, and if I get the whole pricking my finger down so that it works (with enough blood for the sensor) every time. I will do whatever I have to do for this little one, but I am sure hoping for my desired way of giving birth- but only time will tell- baby is calling all of the shots!
I am still doing well in trusting my body and my baby as well as not taking this whole being able to have a baby thing for granted, which is helping me a lot.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Tempus Fugit
I am so thoroughly in the moment and enjoying being pregnant, that every time I think of blogging, I think that it hasn't been "that long" and then I see that another month has flown by.
Sure, there are some moments that aren't as enjoyable as others, but of course I am going to be uncomfortable sometimes- I am growing a person who I am carrying around in my womb. I have been trying to walk a fair amount, do prenatal videos from YouTube, and go to the gym to help with stiffness, etc. that is bound to only get worse :)
It can be hard to get motivated (and I haven't been denying myself naps, either), but once I do, I know it is what I needed.
On the preparation front, my sister and sister and law are organizing an alternative American baby shower. Since shipping costs and custom fees would make gift giving more difficult and possibly quite expensive for all, we are going to do a Facebook group with a limited Amazon Baby Registry (things where we would be glad to pay the customs fees- mostly cloth diapering supplies- since some brands are just really hard to get here) for those who would like to send a gift, and otherwise encourage people to give my mom a check for my American bank account. That money will offset what I wire monthly for my school loans and enable us to buy things for Shrimpy. In the group I can post pictures of what we have purchased and "attendees" can guess when Shrimpy will come, gender, size, weight, etc. and winners will get a gift in the mail.
I know that such a baby shower isn't common here, but my family really wants to do one, and I am really lucky and grateful for that! This month, we will be organizing things for my brother in law to help us install- anchors for book shelves, mounting a mirror that we had just leaned in the hallway, shelves for some plants in the living room, etc.
Sometimes, I have to fight the instinctual urge to "have it all done, right now!", but rationally (which I haven't been all the time- but luckily, my mood swings have just been mostly weepy-fits), I know we have time.
I just can't wait to have everything ready, then I can spend the time that I am off work before the baby is born to make the finishing touches and to step up my meditation. I feel pretty zen about my mental preparation for labor, and feel like we have excellent care. As long as everything goes normally, I will be giving birth in a cozy apartment set up just for labor with women I respect and trust. Our relationships are building with each appointment, and I am confident that our baby and my body know exactly what to do and the fact that our midwives trust that as well is part of the reason we chose to have an out-of-hospital birth.
Less than a month and a half before maternity leave starts!
Sure, there are some moments that aren't as enjoyable as others, but of course I am going to be uncomfortable sometimes- I am growing a person who I am carrying around in my womb. I have been trying to walk a fair amount, do prenatal videos from YouTube, and go to the gym to help with stiffness, etc. that is bound to only get worse :)
It can be hard to get motivated (and I haven't been denying myself naps, either), but once I do, I know it is what I needed.
On the preparation front, my sister and sister and law are organizing an alternative American baby shower. Since shipping costs and custom fees would make gift giving more difficult and possibly quite expensive for all, we are going to do a Facebook group with a limited Amazon Baby Registry (things where we would be glad to pay the customs fees- mostly cloth diapering supplies- since some brands are just really hard to get here) for those who would like to send a gift, and otherwise encourage people to give my mom a check for my American bank account. That money will offset what I wire monthly for my school loans and enable us to buy things for Shrimpy. In the group I can post pictures of what we have purchased and "attendees" can guess when Shrimpy will come, gender, size, weight, etc. and winners will get a gift in the mail.
I know that such a baby shower isn't common here, but my family really wants to do one, and I am really lucky and grateful for that! This month, we will be organizing things for my brother in law to help us install- anchors for book shelves, mounting a mirror that we had just leaned in the hallway, shelves for some plants in the living room, etc.
Sometimes, I have to fight the instinctual urge to "have it all done, right now!", but rationally (which I haven't been all the time- but luckily, my mood swings have just been mostly weepy-fits), I know we have time.
I just can't wait to have everything ready, then I can spend the time that I am off work before the baby is born to make the finishing touches and to step up my meditation. I feel pretty zen about my mental preparation for labor, and feel like we have excellent care. As long as everything goes normally, I will be giving birth in a cozy apartment set up just for labor with women I respect and trust. Our relationships are building with each appointment, and I am confident that our baby and my body know exactly what to do and the fact that our midwives trust that as well is part of the reason we chose to have an out-of-hospital birth.
Less than a month and a half before maternity leave starts!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Getting Serious
After seeing on my FertilityFriend pregnancy countdown that I have entered the 6th (of 10) months, and the viability timeframe starting this week, I finally feel like we need to start getting serious with making room for baby.
Our appointment at the birthing house was wonderful, and we are both now sure that we want to have Shrimpy there. They do the following things that made it a no-brainer for us:
- Cord cutting after the placenta has been birthed
- They leave the baby with us, doing any weighing, etc. in the bed with us- but only after the first latch and breastfeeding session
- Baby is not washed, and they encourage rubbing in the vernix to moisturize
- Vitamin K is only given for births where they feel that some trauma might have been experienced- and then only in drop form- usually a homeopathic alternative is only recommended occasionally.
- Cervical checks and all other interventions are only done with permission- save for emergencies, of course.
So, we are only doing the "bigger checks" that include testing for gestational diabetes as well as ultrasounds with the doctor, the rest is done by the midwives at the birthing house. Our last ultrasound went great, all organs and everything were normal- the only thing we couldn't check were the 4 heart chambers, as Shrimpy (whose sex will remain a surprise) was mooning us.
Now, this was the cutest butt EVER, but we couldn't see the heart- so we are going back tomorrow for that, and combining it with my diabetes test. I am excited that they are checking up on it, and hopefully baby will have a good position for a picture for us :)
So, slowly but surely, I am going to start taking inventory of the things we have, so that we can see what we still need to get, and soon, we will be picking out a few pieces of furniture.
One thing is sure though, the most important things are already in place!
Our appointment at the birthing house was wonderful, and we are both now sure that we want to have Shrimpy there. They do the following things that made it a no-brainer for us:
- Cord cutting after the placenta has been birthed
- They leave the baby with us, doing any weighing, etc. in the bed with us- but only after the first latch and breastfeeding session
- Baby is not washed, and they encourage rubbing in the vernix to moisturize
- Vitamin K is only given for births where they feel that some trauma might have been experienced- and then only in drop form- usually a homeopathic alternative is only recommended occasionally.
- Cervical checks and all other interventions are only done with permission- save for emergencies, of course.
So, we are only doing the "bigger checks" that include testing for gestational diabetes as well as ultrasounds with the doctor, the rest is done by the midwives at the birthing house. Our last ultrasound went great, all organs and everything were normal- the only thing we couldn't check were the 4 heart chambers, as Shrimpy (whose sex will remain a surprise) was mooning us.
Now, this was the cutest butt EVER, but we couldn't see the heart- so we are going back tomorrow for that, and combining it with my diabetes test. I am excited that they are checking up on it, and hopefully baby will have a good position for a picture for us :)
So, slowly but surely, I am going to start taking inventory of the things we have, so that we can see what we still need to get, and soon, we will be picking out a few pieces of furniture.
One thing is sure though, the most important things are already in place!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Back to the grind & TMI pregnancy symptoms
So, I've been back at work for about a week and a half now- and I have heard nothing but congratulations and questions about how I am doing, etc. Some people might be avoiding me (but it is hard to tell), but if so, then at least if there has been anything, it's been really subtle. So, all in all, I am a lucky woman!
It is hard to believe that I only have a bit more to go- November will be here, and I will be on maternity leave before I know it! Hopefully, the person we made an offer to regarding being my replacement will sign and that I will be one less worry- as they would start in September, giving me plenty of time to get someone up to speed. Once that happens, I can breathe a little more easily.
Now that I am home, Broom and I are purging a bunch of stuff and gradually trying to work on Shrimpy's room- once we have more space in the room, I will feel a whole lot better! Luckily, I am not worrying too much about it- yet.
Excitingly, our midwife appointment on Friday went swimmingly, and every time I have felt the need to hear the heartbeat for a little bit, I have been able to find it no problem. I am even pretty darn sure I have felt some kicks and moves, and am excited about when they get even more distinctive :) My weight gain has been really gradual, with a total gain (as of Friday) between 3 and 4 kilos.
***Start TMI part (Please skip if not your thing! It is me being completely honest about symptoms!)***
My symptoms are still pretty mild (and I love knowing the why behind them, I find it fascinating), but have included stuff like: dizziness, nausea, fatigue, increased CM & nasal mucous, puffy nipples, headaches, gas, irregular BMs, burping/hiccups, and heartburn. Also, my inner thighs have been hurting like I have been working out (although I hadn't been), but actually working out made that sooo much better. So, many symptoms that are quite common, and a few I had never heard about- but it is all good, as my body is doing what it needs to do!
***End TMI part****
All in all, I am persevering in my mindset that making a baby is a beautiful, beautiful thing- even if some of the symptoms aren't sexy- what we women can do, and how our bodies can grow, stretch, and adapt is just completely mind blowing and amazing, and I am loving this experience. When I look down at my growing bump, I just get so overwhelmed with joy- and Broom and I are really enjoying this time together, which I love! I have just been overcome with a sense of calm and contentedness- I am one very happy Mommy. :)
It is hard to believe that I only have a bit more to go- November will be here, and I will be on maternity leave before I know it! Hopefully, the person we made an offer to regarding being my replacement will sign and that I will be one less worry- as they would start in September, giving me plenty of time to get someone up to speed. Once that happens, I can breathe a little more easily.
Now that I am home, Broom and I are purging a bunch of stuff and gradually trying to work on Shrimpy's room- once we have more space in the room, I will feel a whole lot better! Luckily, I am not worrying too much about it- yet.
Excitingly, our midwife appointment on Friday went swimmingly, and every time I have felt the need to hear the heartbeat for a little bit, I have been able to find it no problem. I am even pretty darn sure I have felt some kicks and moves, and am excited about when they get even more distinctive :) My weight gain has been really gradual, with a total gain (as of Friday) between 3 and 4 kilos.
***Start TMI part (Please skip if not your thing! It is me being completely honest about symptoms!)***
My symptoms are still pretty mild (and I love knowing the why behind them, I find it fascinating), but have included stuff like: dizziness, nausea, fatigue, increased CM & nasal mucous, puffy nipples, headaches, gas, irregular BMs, burping/hiccups, and heartburn. Also, my inner thighs have been hurting like I have been working out (although I hadn't been), but actually working out made that sooo much better. So, many symptoms that are quite common, and a few I had never heard about- but it is all good, as my body is doing what it needs to do!
***End TMI part****
All in all, I am persevering in my mindset that making a baby is a beautiful, beautiful thing- even if some of the symptoms aren't sexy- what we women can do, and how our bodies can grow, stretch, and adapt is just completely mind blowing and amazing, and I am loving this experience. When I look down at my growing bump, I just get so overwhelmed with joy- and Broom and I are really enjoying this time together, which I love! I have just been overcome with a sense of calm and contentedness- I am one very happy Mommy. :)
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Awesomeness all around
Vacation was busy and still relaxing at the same time!
I really loved seeing everyone and spending time with them while sleeping in and just being.
The city that we visited with my mom and sister was really awesome. It has a real European feel, and everything that we are looking for in a place to live: health care, public transportation, culture, and a body of water. It is more expensive than what we are used to now for cost of living, but salaries would be higher too. We will be using materials we gathered to estimate how much we would need to move and how much we would need to earn to make it plausible to live there. If we do decide to go through with it, it is more like a 5+ year plan, but it is good to really consider it- although the coolness of Europe and the proximity to other countries would be really hard to give up.
Spending time in my hometown was great- some friends and I got together and had an excellent evening together, and telling my family about Shrimpy at the reunion was great fun! As sweet as they are, none of them wanted to assume that I was pregnant in case I had just put on weight! Despite the health problems my family is facing (an aunt and uncle of mine are both battling stage 4 cancer, another uncle was in a massive car accident that made him, at least for now, a quadriplegic, and my mom's ex had a bladder blockage that they are currently testing for cancer), we were still a rather upbeat group- and I know that we really support one another in hard times like these.
This week I am at my work's American headquarters and catching up on everything that happened while I was on vacation and working on projects. We are also doing interviews for my position, which is exciting and filled with lots of hope and expectations. There have been a lot of comments made about it being hard to replace me and the value of my position which makes me feel really good.
My coworkers here also threw me an early baby shower (since I won't be back until post baby)! It was something they brought up right after I announced it to them, and I am just overwhelmed by kindness and acceptance. They have given our growing family such thoughtful gifts and I can't wait to show Broom all of the nice things that we have received.
Today I also got to meet up with a good friend of mine and her family for breakfast. My delayed flight on Sunday made that meet-up impossible, but we made breakfast work, and they even picked me up from my hotel and dropped me off at work so that we would have the most time possible to visit with one another. She is also expecting, and we are exactly two weeks apart- it is so lovely to be going though this "together" (at least virtually!) and it was great to see them and catch up- although there is never enough time! (Thank you! And thank you for breakfast!)
I can't wait to get home and back to our apartment, and I can't help but be extremely grateful for everything right now- even with the medical hardships in my family, the network behind us all is amazingly awesome!
I really loved seeing everyone and spending time with them while sleeping in and just being.
The city that we visited with my mom and sister was really awesome. It has a real European feel, and everything that we are looking for in a place to live: health care, public transportation, culture, and a body of water. It is more expensive than what we are used to now for cost of living, but salaries would be higher too. We will be using materials we gathered to estimate how much we would need to move and how much we would need to earn to make it plausible to live there. If we do decide to go through with it, it is more like a 5+ year plan, but it is good to really consider it- although the coolness of Europe and the proximity to other countries would be really hard to give up.
Spending time in my hometown was great- some friends and I got together and had an excellent evening together, and telling my family about Shrimpy at the reunion was great fun! As sweet as they are, none of them wanted to assume that I was pregnant in case I had just put on weight! Despite the health problems my family is facing (an aunt and uncle of mine are both battling stage 4 cancer, another uncle was in a massive car accident that made him, at least for now, a quadriplegic, and my mom's ex had a bladder blockage that they are currently testing for cancer), we were still a rather upbeat group- and I know that we really support one another in hard times like these.
This week I am at my work's American headquarters and catching up on everything that happened while I was on vacation and working on projects. We are also doing interviews for my position, which is exciting and filled with lots of hope and expectations. There have been a lot of comments made about it being hard to replace me and the value of my position which makes me feel really good.
My coworkers here also threw me an early baby shower (since I won't be back until post baby)! It was something they brought up right after I announced it to them, and I am just overwhelmed by kindness and acceptance. They have given our growing family such thoughtful gifts and I can't wait to show Broom all of the nice things that we have received.
Today I also got to meet up with a good friend of mine and her family for breakfast. My delayed flight on Sunday made that meet-up impossible, but we made breakfast work, and they even picked me up from my hotel and dropped me off at work so that we would have the most time possible to visit with one another. She is also expecting, and we are exactly two weeks apart- it is so lovely to be going though this "together" (at least virtually!) and it was great to see them and catch up- although there is never enough time! (Thank you! And thank you for breakfast!)
I can't wait to get home and back to our apartment, and I can't help but be extremely grateful for everything right now- even with the medical hardships in my family, the network behind us all is amazingly awesome!
Saturday, July 13, 2013
VayCay!
So, I have made it through my 4-day training in Chicago!
I am now certified in training adults! A great thing to know/have and for my CV. The days were long, and the prep for the practice and the competency demonstration (which determined if we were certified or not) of course took its time, but I am really proud of myself.
In other work news, they have posted by position and the company helping us with the search has already received 40 applications, 10 of which are qualified. Since we officially started the search, and the timing of this trip was right after the "safer time", I had to pick a group of people to tell via email in order to keep the rumor wild-fire at bay. More than half of the people I sent it to sent congratulatory emails in response, which was a great feeling. When I am at our corporate offices at the end of the month, the US-branch of my department is even throwing me a baby shower! It is so nice to "feel the love" and if anyone has had any inappropriate thoughts regarding how I got pregnant, it hasn't made its way through to me. I am anxious to see if there are any questions surrounding it, but I figure I will just mention that we had medical help, and the rest was the sperm and the egg's doing. All in all, I am bowled over by their support.
In (not really) shocking news, it turns out the longer flights while preggo do not agree with me or Shrimpy, meaning I felt nauseated, dizzy, and generally shitty on the way over here. It was not fun being so miserable the whole time, but my homeopathic remedies at least took the edge off. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the flight back over the pond. I will be avoiding any further flights until Shrimpy is here.
Since I have been sitting in a classroom environment all week, and the hotel has a pool, I have really enjoyed swimming! I know that this isn't surprising either, but it just felt so good to be weightless. I would like to continue swimming once back home, but am still searching for a tankini top (the bottoms I found at Target, with a nice skirt, since I have some nice new stretch marks on my thighs- but the tops they had were not enough as my cup overfloweth- literally).
Tomorrow I am off to explore a city that Broom and I are debating moving to one day. My mom, sister, and her kids are coming along (they are driving up to meet me), so I am excited to see everyone and spend quality time with them all. I am also really looking forward to our upcoming family reunion and telling everyone the happy news!
So, I'm not sure if I will write while on vacation, but if not, I will be sure to let you know how it went once I am back.
Have a nice weekend!
I am now certified in training adults! A great thing to know/have and for my CV. The days were long, and the prep for the practice and the competency demonstration (which determined if we were certified or not) of course took its time, but I am really proud of myself.
In other work news, they have posted by position and the company helping us with the search has already received 40 applications, 10 of which are qualified. Since we officially started the search, and the timing of this trip was right after the "safer time", I had to pick a group of people to tell via email in order to keep the rumor wild-fire at bay. More than half of the people I sent it to sent congratulatory emails in response, which was a great feeling. When I am at our corporate offices at the end of the month, the US-branch of my department is even throwing me a baby shower! It is so nice to "feel the love" and if anyone has had any inappropriate thoughts regarding how I got pregnant, it hasn't made its way through to me. I am anxious to see if there are any questions surrounding it, but I figure I will just mention that we had medical help, and the rest was the sperm and the egg's doing. All in all, I am bowled over by their support.
In (not really) shocking news, it turns out the longer flights while preggo do not agree with me or Shrimpy, meaning I felt nauseated, dizzy, and generally shitty on the way over here. It was not fun being so miserable the whole time, but my homeopathic remedies at least took the edge off. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the flight back over the pond. I will be avoiding any further flights until Shrimpy is here.
Since I have been sitting in a classroom environment all week, and the hotel has a pool, I have really enjoyed swimming! I know that this isn't surprising either, but it just felt so good to be weightless. I would like to continue swimming once back home, but am still searching for a tankini top (the bottoms I found at Target, with a nice skirt, since I have some nice new stretch marks on my thighs- but the tops they had were not enough as my cup overfloweth- literally).
Tomorrow I am off to explore a city that Broom and I are debating moving to one day. My mom, sister, and her kids are coming along (they are driving up to meet me), so I am excited to see everyone and spend quality time with them all. I am also really looking forward to our upcoming family reunion and telling everyone the happy news!
So, I'm not sure if I will write while on vacation, but if not, I will be sure to let you know how it went once I am back.
Have a nice weekend!
Thursday, July 4, 2013
(Almost) Time to leave on a jet plane!
Well, Sunday is the day I go to the US for almost 4 weeks! Crazy!
I am starting out in Chicago for a 1-week training, then we are visiting Toronto to see if we would like living there, and then I am spending time with my family before another 4 days of business at the end. I am excited and scared, and hoping that I feel ok while I am gone and don't catch any bugs.
Luckily, all of my appointments have been going well! They reduced my thyroid meds, and our 1st official ultrasound (the one to confirm the pregnancy doesn't count) went perfectly!
The baby measured the right size, the heart was still beating strongly (we got to hear it over the dr.'s doppler), and since Shrimpy was sleeping- my dr. got him or her to wake up and move.
It was amazing to see those little arms and long legs flail and wave as he/she was surprised awake by the gentle pushes on my belly. I felt a little bad, waking our child up, but it was great to see the movement before he/she settled back down to a more comfortable looking sleeping position (head more or less level with the body rather than feet up in the air). The dr. could even recognize that the baby's digestive system is functioning based on the stomach, and at one point, we saw the brain, too. Completely amazing.
We couldn't be happier that we have reached the 2nd trimester and we are keeping everything crossed that things continue to go well!
Since things did go so well, we went ahead and told Broom's brothers (who, reacted ok- a little weirdly, but ok), as well as my big bosses at work. Apparently, based on the meeting invites, they thought I was going to quit and were freaking out. One was surprised, the other relieved. It is nice to have it out now, and we will begin looking for my replacement any day now.
It is still hitting Broom and I that having this baby means coming out to even more people, over and over again. At least, so far, reactions haven't been bad, and Broom's mom seems to be really excited now, which is a little scary and nice at the same time. Babies do sometimes make people easier to relate to, so we will see.
Now, off to see if I can figure out how to shimmy my legs into the really serious thigh-high compression stockings I bought...
I am starting out in Chicago for a 1-week training, then we are visiting Toronto to see if we would like living there, and then I am spending time with my family before another 4 days of business at the end. I am excited and scared, and hoping that I feel ok while I am gone and don't catch any bugs.
Luckily, all of my appointments have been going well! They reduced my thyroid meds, and our 1st official ultrasound (the one to confirm the pregnancy doesn't count) went perfectly!
The baby measured the right size, the heart was still beating strongly (we got to hear it over the dr.'s doppler), and since Shrimpy was sleeping- my dr. got him or her to wake up and move.
It was amazing to see those little arms and long legs flail and wave as he/she was surprised awake by the gentle pushes on my belly. I felt a little bad, waking our child up, but it was great to see the movement before he/she settled back down to a more comfortable looking sleeping position (head more or less level with the body rather than feet up in the air). The dr. could even recognize that the baby's digestive system is functioning based on the stomach, and at one point, we saw the brain, too. Completely amazing.
We couldn't be happier that we have reached the 2nd trimester and we are keeping everything crossed that things continue to go well!
Since things did go so well, we went ahead and told Broom's brothers (who, reacted ok- a little weirdly, but ok), as well as my big bosses at work. Apparently, based on the meeting invites, they thought I was going to quit and were freaking out. One was surprised, the other relieved. It is nice to have it out now, and we will begin looking for my replacement any day now.
It is still hitting Broom and I that having this baby means coming out to even more people, over and over again. At least, so far, reactions haven't been bad, and Broom's mom seems to be really excited now, which is a little scary and nice at the same time. Babies do sometimes make people easier to relate to, so we will see.
Now, off to see if I can figure out how to shimmy my legs into the really serious thigh-high compression stockings I bought...
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Busy Bees
We have been all over, it seems!
An alternative street festival in our city, Pride in Berlin, and speaking with journalists about discrimination.
Whew!
Pride last weekend was really cool. Friday was kicked off with a Dyke March through the city (which we were really late for since we had to set our tents up at our odd but nice campsite). 1,500 dykes and dyke supporters in a really non-commercial march for more visibility and rights. It was really neat! Afterwards, there was a gathering and some dancing- although I just gathered- my work day had me too worn out to dance.
The big CSD parade on Saturday was amazingly huge- and we only watched a small part of it! According to 1 news source, there were 700,000 people in attendance. It was neat to watch, but I am glad that we did the "lite" version, as lots of standing and walking in the sun is not my thing (pregnant or not). Meeting up with friends afterwards was really nice.
We also decided to answer a call for people to talk to journalists about discrimination here. I can't go into detail since it could later make this blog not so anonymous, so let's just say that I am excited that we decided to be brave despite the fact that it could be sensationalized. Hopefully, the subject will get visibility either way. This is an exciting time as far as the possibility of more rights go- here, and in the US- although I am fully aware that these changes could take place long after Shrimpy has made his/her appearance.
In the meantime, I've still had symptoms that come and go, like waves. The nausea only seems to come when I am tired and hungry, which is good (although I do go from "I could eat" to "OMG feed me" in like 20 minutes...and then I can't eat that much, lol.). The round ligament pain has started, and I am glad that I knew that this happens- as it could otherwise be quite a scary sensation. I've got a bit of a mix of the "mask of pregnancy" / acne / rash thing going on on my face as well as increasing back pain- but movement helps. My "bloating" doesn't seem to ever go away completely now, and part of my belly is hard...so it is probably the start of my bump. I've made plans to check out thrift stores with my sister while I am home to get maternity clothes. In the meantime, dresses and my belly band are my friends.
A little hard to believe that I am 11 weeks today, and that our next ultrasound is next week- but I will be glad when we have that important milestone behind us, that's for sure.
The end of next week I will be flying to the US for almost 4 weeks, so by the time I am back, it will be time for another ultrasound, among other things!
An alternative street festival in our city, Pride in Berlin, and speaking with journalists about discrimination.
Whew!
Pride last weekend was really cool. Friday was kicked off with a Dyke March through the city (which we were really late for since we had to set our tents up at our odd but nice campsite). 1,500 dykes and dyke supporters in a really non-commercial march for more visibility and rights. It was really neat! Afterwards, there was a gathering and some dancing- although I just gathered- my work day had me too worn out to dance.
The big CSD parade on Saturday was amazingly huge- and we only watched a small part of it! According to 1 news source, there were 700,000 people in attendance. It was neat to watch, but I am glad that we did the "lite" version, as lots of standing and walking in the sun is not my thing (pregnant or not). Meeting up with friends afterwards was really nice.
We also decided to answer a call for people to talk to journalists about discrimination here. I can't go into detail since it could later make this blog not so anonymous, so let's just say that I am excited that we decided to be brave despite the fact that it could be sensationalized. Hopefully, the subject will get visibility either way. This is an exciting time as far as the possibility of more rights go- here, and in the US- although I am fully aware that these changes could take place long after Shrimpy has made his/her appearance.
In the meantime, I've still had symptoms that come and go, like waves. The nausea only seems to come when I am tired and hungry, which is good (although I do go from "I could eat" to "OMG feed me" in like 20 minutes...and then I can't eat that much, lol.). The round ligament pain has started, and I am glad that I knew that this happens- as it could otherwise be quite a scary sensation. I've got a bit of a mix of the "mask of pregnancy" / acne / rash thing going on on my face as well as increasing back pain- but movement helps. My "bloating" doesn't seem to ever go away completely now, and part of my belly is hard...so it is probably the start of my bump. I've made plans to check out thrift stores with my sister while I am home to get maternity clothes. In the meantime, dresses and my belly band are my friends.
A little hard to believe that I am 11 weeks today, and that our next ultrasound is next week- but I will be glad when we have that important milestone behind us, that's for sure.
The end of next week I will be flying to the US for almost 4 weeks, so by the time I am back, it will be time for another ultrasound, among other things!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Impulse Buy
All in all, this week has been lovely.
Somehow slow, but with nice events accenting the week.
On Monday, I was off sick as I had tooth pain from Saturday onwards that got progressively worse, but I was able to get in to see my dentist, who discovered a cavity. I hadn't really had anything but checkups with her before, so I didn't know how un-informative and cruel she is. NO information about what she was doing (unannounced drilling, anyone?) and didn't really tell me what she did- but at least I can see that she filled a cavity. After she checks on her work in two weeks, I will be getting a new dentist. I'm done with insensitive doctors!
I spent my day off sleeping, relaxing, and spending time with myself. I think I needed it more than I thought.
My workweek was fine, and I decided that I couldn't continue keeping my awesome boss in the dark (in fact, as weird as it may sound- it felt like keeping a big secret from a good friend) and told her on Thursday. She was super excited for us and really understanding- I am really glad I told her and feel a lot lighter now. I let her know that I would like to keep it confidential for the next few weeks, and of course she understood completely. Even though I will miss her company when I am on leave, I also want to make sure we find someone to support her and our department while I am gone.
We also told Die Mutti (Broom's Mom) on Thursday. She was positive, but a little weird (although I, while drunk last Christmas, gave her allll the details about what it was taking for us to get pregnant). She said "you (insert my name here) are going to have a baby" where I replied "yes, Broom and I are having a baby". We let her know that we weren't ready to tell Broom's brothers yet. True to her form, she then let us know that we should get a bunch of new furniture for the baby's room.
So, we will see how her reaction progresses / fluctuates.
Today, the impulse buy Fetal Doppler that I got online. It isn't that easy to use yet, but I was able to catch Shrimpy as he or she swam by. It was great to see the heartbeat, even if it was just for a moment.
Happy Weekend!
Somehow slow, but with nice events accenting the week.
On Monday, I was off sick as I had tooth pain from Saturday onwards that got progressively worse, but I was able to get in to see my dentist, who discovered a cavity. I hadn't really had anything but checkups with her before, so I didn't know how un-informative and cruel she is. NO information about what she was doing (unannounced drilling, anyone?) and didn't really tell me what she did- but at least I can see that she filled a cavity. After she checks on her work in two weeks, I will be getting a new dentist. I'm done with insensitive doctors!
I spent my day off sleeping, relaxing, and spending time with myself. I think I needed it more than I thought.
My workweek was fine, and I decided that I couldn't continue keeping my awesome boss in the dark (in fact, as weird as it may sound- it felt like keeping a big secret from a good friend) and told her on Thursday. She was super excited for us and really understanding- I am really glad I told her and feel a lot lighter now. I let her know that I would like to keep it confidential for the next few weeks, and of course she understood completely. Even though I will miss her company when I am on leave, I also want to make sure we find someone to support her and our department while I am gone.
We also told Die Mutti (Broom's Mom) on Thursday. She was positive, but a little weird (although I, while drunk last Christmas, gave her allll the details about what it was taking for us to get pregnant). She said "you (insert my name here) are going to have a baby" where I replied "yes, Broom and I are having a baby". We let her know that we weren't ready to tell Broom's brothers yet. True to her form, she then let us know that we should get a bunch of new furniture for the baby's room.
So, we will see how her reaction progresses / fluctuates.
Today, the impulse buy Fetal Doppler that I got online. It isn't that easy to use yet, but I was able to catch Shrimpy as he or she swam by. It was great to see the heartbeat, even if it was just for a moment.
Happy Weekend!
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